Goodnight Butterfly
by Moonchild10
Summary: The night Soubi received his Name was of no consequence... it was simply the night he began hating butterflies. Chapter 26: peeling back the skin is the only way to see what resides beneath.
1. B E L O V E D

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Yun Kouga, not me. I swear I'm not profiting from putting her characters through hell.**

**This story is mostly focusing on Soubi's relationship with Seimei and his later one with Ritsuka. In all reality it'll probably end up ignoring the events of the manga and continuing where the anime left off, I don't know.**

**And yes, I love Seimei to death as a character, but I decided to show his sadistic side. Can you blame me? He's sexy when he's a bad boy.**

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The butterfly, so delicate in his hand, was starting to crumble. Slowly, but surely, the tiny legs that were curled up against its body were coming off, and the wings had a rumpled look. The poor, dead, defenseless butterfly, curled and dried, trapped and helpless. Bound not by a Name, but by a frail body so easily destroyed.

"Soubi." Seimei's voice caught him by surprise, and he dropped the dead creature onto the bedspread. He quickly scooped it back up and cradled it in his palm. He could feel the bed shift as Seimei's weight moved closer to him, spilling papers and art supplies onto the floor. Soubi could feel a change in the very air as Seimei grew nearer to him, something desperate he had never be able to keep from washing over him. Ever since the two had met, he had felt this way. A completely unchangeable need for Seimei, for every part of him, for every word that he gave him, harsh or not. Seimei stopped close to him, shifting into a comfortable position. The air around Soubi tingled. "What are you holding?"

Suddenly, Soubi felt silly, sitting on Seimei's bed with a dead insect clenched protectively in his fist. Childish, even. He had always instinctively felt a certain compassion for the creatures, having watched Ritsu impale them in vast numbers to make them specimens for his collection. When he had found this one in the dust at the road's edge, moving its wings slowly as it lay on its side, dying, he had immediately been flooded with concern. It had died in his hands on the way to Seimei's house. And now here it lay, useless and dead, not worth anything without its beautiful life, the flutter of wings the only thing that gave it true beauty. Soubi wished he could have saved it.

"A butterfly, Seimei," he answered simply, opening his hand to reveal the creature, its deep blue wings even more rumpled from when he had dropped it.

"Why are you carrying a dead bug around with you?" Seimei asked, leaning forward and looking at it. "You're weird, Soubi. It's disgusting."

"It's pretty," Soubi remarked, running a delicate fingertip across its wing. "I thought maybe I could save it."

"But what would be the point?" Seimei asked him. He tipped his head back and pushed strands of smooth black hair behind his ears. "It's only a bug. They're so fragile. They die anyway. And there are plenty more of them." he paused to give Soubi a calm smile. "We own them… we own their lives, is how simple it is."

"Just as you own mine…" Soubi's voice was a soft murmur, but Seimei heard it, turning his eyes on the Sentouki and smiling slightly, though not a smile filled with warmth. He lifted one hand and placed his fingers beneath Soubi's chin, tilting his head back. The contact made Soubi's breath catch, and he stared up at Seimei, his deep blue eyes locked on the young boy's face. He rarely touched him, a compulsion to keep his hands clean made sure of that. The only person Seimei touched was Ritsuka, that younger brother Soubi had only caught glimpses of through his partially closed bedroom door. He was never sure whether it saddened him or made him sick. "…Seimei."

"But I don't own you. Not really," Seimei's voice was thoughtful. His finger absentmindedly stroked Soubi's throat, and a shudder passed through his body, the contact of Seimei's flesh against his own setting off every signal in his body. Soubi's eyes quivered, locking with Seimei's. "I want to own you."

"…S-Seimei…" Soubi could feel a heavy blush creeping over his face. Seimei's words, coupled with the foreign touch of his hands, were far too much for him to handle. There was a softness in the fingertips that brushed his skin, softness that rarely appeared in Seimei's dark eyes, burning with their constant contempt for him. The softness was pure pleasure, and Soubi would have given up his right leg to have it continue forever, to stay there in that moment with no words, only this silken contact and the way their eyes were locked this way, as though he could see every part of Seimei's beautiful, beautiful soul.

"I want you to be _my_ Sentouki… to share my name…" Seimei's hand strayed downward, brushing over Soubi's collarbones, touching the top of his chest as it slid under the neckline of his shirt. Soubi could not hold back a small gasp, his blush deepening as the fingers massaged the skin lightly. Oh god, that contact. There was something terribly erotic about being touched his way. This was delicious, irresistible hell.

"S-Seimei… what are you doing? This isn't like you to-" Seimei's finger crept over Soubi's lips, silencing him, and his large, trembling blue eyes met Seimei's passive ones. The close proximity to Seimei made goosebumps rise up on Soubi's unnaturally sensitive skin, the very presence of his flesh against his lips making his whole body seem to rise, closer and closer toward heaven. The butterfly slipped from his now-limp hands, fluttering delicately to rest on the white linen of the sheets. Seimei's long, precise fingers picked it up, holding the thin membrane of the wing between their tips.

"This butterfly, Soubi…" he said, his eyes full of coldness. "This butterfly is beautiful, but utterly useless. Its instincts command it. Without commands, this butterfly is lost. This butterfly is nothing." he drew back from Soubi very suddenly, and the loss of the contact made him whimper. His body yearned without his consent for Seimei's, and he had to fight to keep his expression neutral. Seimei tossed the butterfly aside carelessly as he got up from the bed, and Soubi watched it drift to the floor, dead and listless as a snowflake, to rest on the beige of the carpet beside his shoes. Something about the sight of it made him inexplicably heartbroken.

Seimei had crossed the room now and was rummaging through a drawer on his desk. Soubi watched the smooth curve of his Sacrifice's back with rapt attention, every jerk of his arms setting it in motion and making everything about that boy that would never love him even more hypnotically appealing. Everything about Seimei was attractive. He could make the simplest of everyday motions seem erotic, as he did now, and Soubi agonized over the beauty of that thin, lithe body, completely unaware of anything else.

By the time Seimei found what he was looking for and turned around, Soubi was so lulled into a trance by the beauty of his motions that he snapped back to reality with a jerk, startled. Between the slender fingertips, the raven-haired boy held a thick nail. It was long, covered in a thin sheen of rust, and looked menacing, its tip sharp and devilish. Seimei's steps across the room to him were slow, almost as though he was moving underwater. Something about the effect scared Soubi, and he stared at his Sacrifice from under a sheath of blond hair, unable to avert his eyes from that thin face so laden with purpose. He had reached the bed now, and it shifted again with his weight as he moved over to Soubi.

"Come here, my little butterfly." the coldness and desire in Seimei's voice made Soubi shiver, but he moved closer to the younger boy compliantly, locking their eyes once more. As Soubi reached him, Seimei reached forward and grabbed him by the throat (none too gently) and guided him backward so his back was pressed flat against the bed.

"Seimei," Soubi blinked up at the aforementioned as he straddled his body, pinning him down. "What are you doing?"

"Owning you." the simple answer made his blood run cold, and the teenager stared up at his young Sacrifice as the nimble hands removed Soubi's shirt and discarded it with some distaste.

"You don't mean your ears-"

"Oh no, of course not. I'm talking about something different entirely." he had never seen Seimei like this, with such a fire burning in his dark, dark eyes. It made his insides writhe deliciously, lighting him with a fire of his own. Seimei was on top of him, their bodies were touching in so many places. The places where they touched were warm, and Soubi was torn between the pleasure of Seimei's warm weight on top of him and the terror of what those intense eyes told him he must be planning. Whatever it was, it could not be safe. "I want you to be _my_ fighter, Soubi. But you belong to your sensei, don't you?"

"Seimei…" it came out as more of a whimper than a word, laden with anguish at the mere mention of the subject. "I don't-"

"Ritsu Minami still owns you. I may be your Sacrifice, but Ritsu owns your body, Soubi." there was something frighteningly unkind in Seimei's eyes as he spoke these words. "And now I'm going to claim it as my own."

"But Seimei…" Seimei's finger against his lips silenced him once more, though this time it was less gentle, more insistent.

"Be quiet, Soubi," Seimei told him, and at the order Soubi fell immediately silent. He had never been able to resist an order from his master, had come to obey him without question in his desperation to please him. It was along the lines of complete servitude, and he liked it that way. He lay in silent wait for whatever was to befall him then, keeping his eyes locked with his master's in that sweet, sweet torture. Because it wasn't that he didn't _want _ Seimei to own him. He longed more than anything to be completely possessed by the slender, dark teenager who moved on top of him with ease, seemingly unaware of the effect he had on his Sentouki. And in that silence, he steeled himself for whatever Seimei was going to do, and told himself that it was all for the sake of being owned. Being owned like a pathetic little butterfly.

The first touch of the nail was more of a dream than anything, it was so sudden. Soubi cried out, for the first time in years, not because of the pain but because of the surprise of it all. Seimei, rather than looking angry as Ritsu would have, looked amused. The nail was embedded a fraction of an inch into the flesh of Soubi's neck, and it felt foreign and cold, an alien presence. The sadistic glint in Seimei's eyes flashed once more as he dragged the point downward, cutting a trench in Soubi's skin. He willed himself not to flinch. He would grit his teeth… he would bear it. He clenched his teeth tightly together to keep from reacting to the pain. Several more incisions, a pattern of straight lines, and Soubi could feel the blood beginning to pool in the hollow between his collarbones and drip down his chest.

The nail was suddenly gone. Soubi allowed the air to escape from his lungs and opened his eyes that had been so tightly shut, looking up into his master's face. The wounds in his neck felt hot, searing, like white hot metal was being pressed against his skin.

"B," Seimei said with some satisfaction, running a fingertip along the new wound in Soubi's neck. His sharp intake of breath made the Sacrifice smile. "We're getting somewhere, Soubi. I'm sorry this hurts, but you're going to have to grin and bear it, you know." the nail returned, and Seimei went back to his carving. He cut particularly deep in one spot, and Soubi's body bucked slightly. "E."

By now, Soubi was starting to become accustomed to the feeling of the metal cutting him, and he had to clench his teeth less and less tightly. "L."

He did want to be owned, but not like _this_.

"O."

Why was he allowing Seimei to do this? Was it because he loved him? Was it because it was his duty as a Sentouki to do whatever his Sacrifice asked of him?

"V."

_Flap your wings, Soubi_, he thought. _You are just like that butterfly. You have no control over your own fate. Others decide it for you. Don't let this continue, fly away._

"E."

His eyes flickered to the butterfly lying on the carpet, immobile and defenseless._ We have no escape_.

"D."

The blood had run in rivulets down his chest by now, onto his stomach, onto the fabric of the bed's sheets. Seimei leaned downward, a satisfied glint in his dark eyes, down so far that the tip of his nose brushed Soubi's. "Good boy," he whispered. His lips brushed Soubi's briefly, sending sparks exploding through Soubi's consciousness and chasing away all coherent thought. "Very good."

Seimei's body left him then, and Soubi could not hold back a small whimper as he weight left him. As Seimei moved, it shifted Soubi's body, and the deep pool of blood between his collarbones dribbled in a fresh, warm trail down his chest. Seimei gave him a look of disgust and climbed off of the bed. As his foot hit the floor, it landed on the butterfly.

The Sacrifice grabbed a towel that he had obviously saved for the purpose and tossed it to Soubi. "Clean yourself up, Soubi. We can't have you bleeding all over the place." when Seimei moved his foot, the butterfly came into view, crushed, its delicate wings shattered.

Seimei was moving across the room. He paused in the doorway before exiting the room, and gave Soubi a long, intimate stare. "You belong to me, Soubi," he said distantly before his tall, slender body disappeared into the hallway.

Soubi made no move to grab the towel. Instead, he lay on his side and stared at the butterfly, its small, fragile body as broken now as his was. And together, the two butterflies lay, torn and silent, and bled.


	2. Victim of Silence

**Disclaimer: I'm still not Yun Kouga… though I must admit I'd like to be.**

**Thanks so much to those of you who sent me those sweet reviews! I really appreciate it, and it actually motivated me to finish chapter 2 this early. So thanks a bunch! Good luck on your French test, StoryOfGreen!**

**This chapter is a little shorter… sorry. I'll make up for it later. **

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The droplets of blood were almost soothing against his skin. He lay there in the faintly warm light of the bedroom, dividing his attention between the crushed butterfly on the floor beside the bed and the drops of blood that slid gracefully across his skin, hypnotizing in their motion. They were warm, almost comforting, like the delicate touch of a mother he had not known since he was a child. The wound on his neck bled freely. Definitely not deep enough to be fatal, he told himself, but just enough to lull him into intoxication with the exhilarating feeling of his own life's blood making red petals on the bed sheets.

Petals.

The butterfly's wings resembled petals, too. Like the crushed petals of a dried, blue rose. Delicate and depressing. The vivid sight of the crushed wings and the hot dripping of his own blood were more than enough to distract him from his thoughts. And so there he lay, in the warmth and shelter of his own solitude. Agatsuma Soubi, victim of silence.

"Seimei?" the voice was barely loud enough to be perceptible, but Soubi heard it. He raised his eyes from the trail of blood leaking down his forearm and looked in the direction of the voice. A tiny raven haired boy stood in the doorway, peering into the room. "Are you in here?" his large eyes found Soubi and widened to even bigger proportions. "Oh!"

"Um… hello," Soubi said softly, alarmed at his sudden presence. So this was Seimei's brother. He was so much smaller than he had seemed the other times he had glimpsed him. Something about being seen in this situation made him feel utterly vulnerable and ashamed… and then there was also the fact that he was exposing a child to blood. He made a move to sit up, but his hand hit a patch of the sheet where the blood made it slick, and he slipped back into his former vulnerable position. By the time he was finished with the awkward fiasco and looked up, Ritsuka was standing in front of him, a worried expression on his young face.

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice more curious than demanding.

"Soubi," he answered, giving the boy a disarming smile. "I'm a friend of Seimei's."

The boy's face lit up immediately, as though being friends with his brother qualified Soubi for instant trust. "Oh, Seimei's friend! That's why you're here!" he smiled happily at Soubi. "My name is Ritsuka! I'm Seimei's brother!"

"It's nice to meet you, Ritsuka," Soubi offered with a small smile. "Seimei told me so much about you."

Ritsuka grinned, but suddenly his face fell and he looked concerned. "Oh! Soubi, you're hurt."

Remembering the name carved into his neck, Soubi covered as much of it as he could with his hand. "No, it's fine." there was really no way to explain the wound, and he could think of nothing to distract him. "I just-"

"Why does it say that?" Ritsuka asked, cocking his head and peering at what he could see of the Name. Soubi smiled. It was impossible to hate this boy. He had held a slight grudge against him before today, for being the only person Seimei was willing to get close to when Soubi was the one who loved him… loved him far more than he had ever loved anyone else. But this innocent boy with his large eyes and his ears that twitched whenever he reacted to something was certainly not what he had expected.

Soubi was grateful when the young boy abandoned his previous question. He reached out and moved the hand blocking Soubi's wound. One of his small fingers brushed a letter gently, a feather-light touch, and Soubi watched him stare at the blood on his finger with some amusement. "You're bleeding a lot, Soubi. Do you want me to help?"

Soubi chuckled softly. This kid… this brother of Seimei's… he was cute. There was no denying it. Soubi, who had never been good with children, couldn't help but think this as he looked down at the small boy whose face was laced with concern. "No, that's fine, Ritsuka, I can-"

Ritsuka had climbed onto the bed beside him and had picked up the towel Soubi had discarded. He pressed it delicately to the wound, a look of concentration etched deeply into his features. Soubi winced slightly, but quickly grew accustomed to the feeling of the cloth against the raw cuts on his neck. Ritsuka was very serious about his job, dabbing gently at the cuts with the precision of a nurse. He nibbled on his bottom lip as he worked, and his focus reminded Soubi of Seimei for a moment. But this boy was nothing like Seimei.

"You're very good at this, Ritsuka. Where did you learn this sort of thing?"

"From Seimei. I watch him do this whenever I get hurt," the eight-year-old explained carefully, applying pressure to the wound. Soubi felt a pang of overwhelming sympathy. Seimei had told him once, briefly, about the harm their mother inflicted on the younger of the two brothers. The anger in Seimei's voice when he spoke of it had been frightening, and now Soubi could understand why. "It's not bleeding too much anymore!" the child informed him as he removed the towel. "You're going to be okay!"

Soubi smiled tenderly at the small boy. "All thanks to your wonderful nursing skills."

Ritsuka was busy frowning at the wound, which hurt worse than before it had come into contact with the towel but was no longer dripping. "Hmm… I'll be right back!" the boy jumped up and hurried out of the room before Soubi had time to protest. He returned in a matter of moments with a small box of band-aids and a coy smile. "Seimei always uses these."

Ritsuka spent the next five minutes sitting on Soubi's stomach and carefully applying band-aids to his wound. He delicately placed one over every line and smoothed it down with his finger. His touch was so gentle; nothing like Seimei's. And Soubi couldn't help but wonder… why did he feel completely safe around this child? Why did he feel sheltered, like nothing could touch him? It was confusing but relieving all at once, and he felt a bit of his usual stress melt away as he sat there under the watchful eye of his young nurse. By the time Ritsuka had finished, the box of band-aids was empty, and the younger male had a look of accomplishment on his face.

"There!" he said happily, holding up the hand mirror he had brought with him on his trip to fetch the band-aids. Soubi smiled at the sight of _BELOVED_ spelled out in band-aids, carefully covering every trace of the cuts.

"You did a wonderful job, Ritsuka," he said with a small smile, touching the band-aids lightly with one finger. "Thank you." Ritsuka was looking at him suspiciously, and Soubi couldn't hold back a chuckle. "What is it?"

"Your ears. They're gone. You're a grown-up," Ritsuka said pensively.

"No, I'm not a grown-up. I'm 16. I'm only a year older than Seimei," Soubi explained delicately. Ritsuka seemed satisfied with this answer.

"Why are your ears gone, Soubi?"

"Well… why aren't yours gone, Ritsuka?"

"Because I'm not a grown-up," he stated pointedly. "And you're not either, but your ears are gone… why, Soubi?"

Soubi sighed. "I'm sure Seimei will explain that to you when you're a little older. Thank you very much for taking such good care of me, Ritsuka-kun. But I really should be going… I don't want to be a bother." he stood up to leave, but Ritsuka latched onto his arm, and Soubi, surprised, smiled at him.

"No, stay! It's okay, you're not bothering me! You're Seimei's friend…" his brain seemed to be working to reach some kind of conclusion as he paused. "So it's okay if you stay here, isn't it?"

"I suppose it-"

"You need to stay here and go to sleep! Seimei always makes me go to sleep after I get hurt. He says it helps you heal better! So… you need to go to sleep!" there was a trace of a demanding note in the young boy's voice as he said this.

"Ritsuka, I don't think-"

"Seimei says it helps!" Ritsuka pushed him backward onto the bed and pulled the quilt up over him before he could protest. "So you have to sleep. And I'll stay here and make sure you do sleep!" Ritsuka said persistently as he moved up beside him and sat beside Soubi, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. "I'll stay here and make sure nobody hurts you." Soubi almost objected, but then a small, warm hand rested itself on his head and began to pet lightly at his blond hair. "Don't worry."

Something about that touch was so comforting that Soubi couldn't find it in himself to complain. And so he closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax at the delicate touch against his hair. And so, earless though he was, the cat fell finally into blissful sleep under the watchful eye of the kitten.

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**I thought that since Ritsuka lost his memory sometime before age ten, it would be alright for him to meet Soubi before it happened.**

**Yes, I know this chapter was pure fluff. Don't kill me!**


	3. Wish Matrix

**Disclaimer: Still not Yun Kouga. Still don't own anything.**

**Thanks again for the reviews! It made me smile so much when I checked them. I'll probably be updating this again on Monday or Tuesday, since I usually spend the weekend out with my family (:**

**Oh no, this chapter has… **_**foot notes**_**!!! Dun dun dun!**

**I did a ton of agonizing over what color to call Kio's eyes, and I decided on gray, because it seemed close. Also, I based a lot of my information about Soubi on the special edition booklets (such as his inability to fake a smile, etc.), so if I got anything wrong, feel free to kill me. **

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_Sweet little words made for silence  
Not talk  
Young heart for love  
Not heartache  
Dark hair for catching the wind  
Not to veil the sight of a cold world_

The first thing he was aware of was warmth.

It was only a sensation at first, not seeming to come from anywhere in particular, but as Soubi slowly gained consciousness, the source became clearer; a small, soft ball of warmth under his chin... And something furry was tickling his face. His eyes fluttered open slowly, and he shifted to look down. Ritsuka was curled against him with his head under his chin, the tips of his soft black ears tickling his cheeks as they twitched in sleep.

"Ritsuka…" Soubi whispered in surprise, reaching up to touch the boy's hair, smooth as silk against his chin and neck. At his touch, Ritsuka stirred slightly, his large violet eyes lazily blinking open halfway and fluttering up to Soubi's face for a moment before he drifted once more into his innocent, unburdened sleep, leaving Soubi's consciousness imprinted with the image of that small, childish face looking up at him with complete innocence.

"Soubi."

Soubi could barely bring himself to move. Ritsuka's small back was warm against him, and he felt far more comfortable than he could recall feeling in a long time. The silence in the room was serene, the pull of Ritsuka's breathing was relaxing, and for the first time he could remember, Soubi felt at peace. Why could it never be this way with Seimei? Why could he never sense this thing in Seimei that he sensed in Ritsuka… this complete, unyielding capacity for trust and love? He had known Ritsuka for less than a day, and already he showed him complete trust, while he had known Seimei for over a year, and he still refused to show anything of the sort to his Sentouki. He sighed deeply, and Ritsuka shifted against him, almost waking before slipping back into his world of dreams.

The light outside the window was starting to fade now, the bright sky streaked with subtle, faint hints of pink and purple. Soubi took a mental snapshot so he would remember that scene for a painting later on, and then slowly he shifted his weight, little by little, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. By the time he had successfully gotten himself across the bed and stood up, Ritsuka had rolled onto his stomach, purring softly at his dreams(1). Soubi smiled lightly.

"Thank you, Ritsuka," he whispered before exiting the room quietly and journeying out of the house and into the twilight.

**XXX**

The empty streets were bathed in the twilight as he walked, musing, staring down at his feet as he moved swiftly through the dimming city. Through the trees above, the pinks and purples in the clouds deepened, the purple stealing the pink, and deep blue stealing the purple farther up while fiery orange still gnawed at the sky against the horizon. It was so beautiful that Soubi had trouble focusing on coherent and logical thought. Everyone called Soubi a romantic… and he smiled slightly at the fact that this was probably true, especially given the fact that you could give him a sunset and he would forget everything else in the world for as long as it commanded the sky.

The air was cooling already; autumn was steadily on its way, and though the last fibers of summer clung to the landscape with their desperate little claws, it would be the cooler season that got its say in the end. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets to ward off the chill in his fingers. He hated when his hands were cold. It killed his dexterity, and painting with grace was nearly impossible. If he could keep his hands warm, he could finish the piece he had been working on before he'd left for Seimei's…

He was knocked out of the pattern of thought by the sight of a butterfly. It was deep blue… the twin of the one he had held earlier, and it flew so close, its wings a riot of azure glitter, brushing his cheek with its wingtip and then arcing up, up into the changing painted sky. Soubi lowered his head and hurried onward, all color drained from his face.

When Soubi reached his home, he was not surprised to find the door unlocked. When he had left Shichisei Gakuin(2) one year previously, the school and his legal guardian Ritsu Minami had granted him emancipation rights. Since then, his new home had become the virtually permanent art studio and "bachelor pad" for Soubi and his best friend, Kio Kaidou, a fact that left Soubi secretly glad; it was easier not to think unpleasant thoughts when he wasn't alone.

Sure enough, as he stepped into the home and inhaled the aroma of acrylic paints and his own slight scent of jasmine, he caught sight of the blond reclining on the sofa almost immediately, picking at his fingernails. When he heard Soubi enter, his eyes flew up from his task almost instantaneously.

"Good evening, Sou-chan!" he said cheerfully, sitting up and giving his friend a slight wave. "Where have you been? I've been waiting for you!"

Soubi smiled at Kio. His best friend was thin, extremely short for his age (though he swore he would catch up to Soubi one of these days), and animated, talking from behind stylish glasses from under a soft curtain of silken blond hair. He had started calling Soubi 'Sou-chan' years ago, and by now, though Soubi was growing and starting to fit the label less and less by each passing month, there was little he could do about the affectionate nickname now. "I was with Seimei," he explained calmly. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Kio."

"Oh, it's alright, maybe I'll forgive you this time." Kio laughed easily, shaking locks of hair out of his glittering gray eyes. "Or maybe I won't. You're always with that guy." he put up a front of mock heartbreak. "And I thought we had something special!"

Soubi laughed and took a seat beside the shorter teenager, who was shaking with fake sobs. "Really, Kio, you expect me to buy that?"

Kio sighed and stopped his charade, stretching and slumping back against the back of the sofa. "I can't fool you, can I?" he grabbed the can of soda sitting beside his feet and took a sip, offering some to Soubi, who shook his head. He continued to drink from the cola in silence, his eyes on his best friend, and then suddenly he sat up straight. "Sou-chan, what happened to your neck!?"

Soubi's blood ran cold, and he attempted to fake a smile, something that he was terrible at. "Nothing, Kio. I was just…" there were really no excuses that he could think of, and before he could speak another word, Kio had flown over to him and was removing the band-aids that Ritsuka had so painstakingly pressed in place.

"Sou-chan," he whispered when he was finished, looking up at him and trembling. The smaller teenager collapsed against him, clinging to the front of his jacket. Soubi sighed softly and embraced his friend, stroking the unruly blond locks gently. "What did he do to you?"

"What do you mean?" Soubi asked, knowing full well what Kio meant.

"Seimei. What did he do to you? I know he did this! Why? How?" he could see actual tears quivering in Kio's eyes now, though he doubted he would let them fall. "You told me… you told me his name was Beloved… so I know he did this to you! What did he do it with?" Kio was shaking him a bit now, and Soubi still held him as he clung to him in desperation.

"It's nothing, Kio. I'm fine, really," he told him softly. "You don't have to worry."

"Don't have to worry!?" Kio drew back from him, and Soubi could see the willpower he was exercising to keep from crying. It had been a long time since he had seen Kio so close to tears, and it hurt. He reached for him, but Kio was already getting up and heading toward the dining area of the house. He returned with the first aid kit that Soubi always kept on top of the refrigerator, a sullen look on his face but the impending tears gone from his eyes. "I don't know why you let him hurt you like this, Soubi," he mused as he began to swab the wounds with antiseptic. "It's just beyond me."

Hearing Kio actually call him by his name showed just how serious the situation was, and he lowered his eyes as he allowed his friend to tend to his wounds with all the tender care of a lover. "I'm sorry, Kio."

Kio sighed heavily. "Don't be sorry, Sou-chan," he whispered, spreading some ointment over the wound and beginning to wrap it in heavy linen bandages. "You'll have to keep this wrapped up for a while, or it'll get infected."

Soubi nodded, watching Kio's nimble hands fasten the bandages around him. "I will. Thank you, Kio." Kio managed a small smile as he closed the kit, and then lunged for Soubi, grabbing him in a tight hug and burying his face in his chest. Soubi hugged him back wordlessly, taking in the familiar butterscotch scent of his close friend's hair, and staring up over the top of his head out the window at the sky, which was overtaken now by a hazy, pre-night violet. "I'll be more careful from now on."

**XXX**

By the time Kio's mother called and demanded that Soubi return her son for the night, it was getting late. Empty soda bottles littered the floor where the two boys had lay sprawled out on the warm wood, musing about life in general and working on Kio's Biology homework. It felt cold in the house after Kio finally bid Soubi goodnight and disappeared out the door to embark on the short walk home with the promise "We're going to take you for a tetanus shot tomorrow".

Soubi hummed softly to himself as he cleaned up the mess the two had left on the floor and put away his first aid kit, and then stopped to look around. Soubi loved his home. Though it was small, it suited him perfectly. It was simple, one room divided into parts by several screens. Everything was pale wood, warm and light to the touch, and during the day the whole house was lit with the warm, cheerful glow of sunlight. It had a small balcony overlooking the rooftops of the city, and Soubi loved to set up his easel in front of the glass doors that led out to it, as he did now.

It felt good and natural to tie on his smock and pull his chin-length hair back as he always did when he painted. He set up a fair amount of primaries; Kio liked to use pre-made hues at times, but Soubi loved to mix every color himself, creating his own spectrum of rich color that belonged to him alone. He sighed happily, staring out through the glass into the velvety sky with all its tiny, jeweled stars, and wet his brush to make mixing easier.

Soubi had intended to paint the sunset from earlier, had planned to captured every rich blend of color seeping into another through the lacy pattern of tree branches, but instead of mixing the bright colors he would need, he found himself putting the yellow in with the red and blue, making a brown. He swirled in more of the deepest cyan hue, more and more, until the brown deepened, became richer, darker, into a delicate, soothing hue of black.

Soubi went to work, the brush gliding across the canvas as easily as it ever had, but somehow there was something different about the feeling as he brushed in the delicate wisps of hair, painting a flowing black head of it, with twitching black ears. He mixed and mixed, the hues almost seeming to blend themselves, becoming perfect as he swirled his brush through the oceans of paint. He painted pale skin, slightly pink cheeks, a smiling, cheerful mouth. And then finally, with his brush trembling ever so slightly, Soubi finished and rinsed his tools. It was the first time he could remember ever finishing a painting in one sitting. The burning desire to keep painting had not released him until he was finished, and now, glancing at the clock, he realized he had a right to be this exhausted.

Without bothering to wash the smears of paint from his face and arms, Soubi slipped out of his shirt and crawled beneath the cool, welcome layers of sheets in his bed. And as he drifted off, and the painting sat drying on his easel, from the canvas he felt the comforting gaze of those soft, violet eyes.

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**(1)- I like to imagine Ritsuka purring when he's happy… this doesn't mean in any way that I'm convinced he's actually a cat XD**

**(2)- Shichisei Gakuin is Japanese for "Ursa Major Academy", the Sentouki school Soubi attended. **

**It's been a few years since my last acrylics class… so I don't really remember if it was cyan that was the deeper blue or if that was cerulean. Don't eat me. It's also been ages since I was ambitious enough to mix my own black. **


	4. Lost Complex

**Disclaimer: I own everything. Ha ha ha! Just kidding. I don't own Loveless or any of the characters. **

**Thanks so much for the reviews again everybody! I had no idea so many people would read this story! You all make me so happy.**

**The theme song for this chapter is Bad Luck's "Anti-Nostalgic" (from Gravitation). Listen to it while you read if you can. It enhances it somehow.**

**By the way, has anyone read "Little Butterfly" (3-volume manga series by Hinako Takanaga)? It's such a cute yaoi series, but I can't seem to find any fellow fangirls.**

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_In the end, the fireflies_

_Are only light in paradise_

"Seimei!" Ritsuka Aoyagi called out as loudly as he could, ducking out of the way to escape his mother's hand and veering to the left. He had no idea how long the chase would last; it could be any time from when his mother was satisfied that she had punished him sufficiently or until she snapped back to her senses and became her normal self. Either way, it was always much too long, and today Seimei was nowhere to be found. Still, Ritsuka found himself calling out frantically for his older brother, trying to penetrate the heavens with his voice, make himself heard wherever he had disappeared to. "Seimei!"

The blood was already welling out of the wound on his cheek, making the skin around it feel tight. He raised a hand to it, and his fingers came back sticky with the blood. And then the shock; the blow hit him to the back of the head. Something hard, whatever she was holding… it didn't matter. The force of it exploded through his head, and he fell, his lip splitting on his teeth as he landed face-first on the kitchen floor. The blood, sticky and almost sweet, dripped into his mouth, and he spit it out onto the tile.

"Seimei! Please help me…" he whimpered, dragging himself forward on his elbows, through the small spattering of the blood he had spit, and scampering under the kitchen table. He hunched himself into a ball there, shivering and struck with the feeling that he could be anywhere in the world right now. This dark space, where he was sheltered from light by the hanging edges of the tablecloth, could be in France or America or even on the moon… there was no difference. Dark was dark. And suddenly he was afraid, and couldn't really be sure where he was. Because when Seimei wasn't here, it wasn't really home… it was somewhere else. A tiny, horrified whimper passed his lips.

"Mother, what are you doing?" the calm, familiar voice made the knot of terror in his gut dissolve. He released his tensed muscles in relief and sat still, hunched in the darkness, and listened to the sound of Seimei's footsteps coming across the kitchen. "Put that down. It's okay now. You need to go to sleep."

"Yes… sleep." his mother's voice was faint, and he heard the gentle clang of the pot she had been holding as it was set down on the table. "Thank you, Seimei."

"Of course, mother. Go to bed. I'll clean the kitchen."

Ritsuka leaned forward slightly in anticipation, and as he heard his mother departing, the edge of the tablecloth lifted, and Seimei's smiling face appeared before him.

"I thought you would be under here."

"Seimei!" Ritsuka lunged forward happily, looping his arms around Seimei's neck. His brother lifted him and pulled him out into the light, in more than one sense. Ritsuka clung to him, and Seimei rubbed his hair in a mothering fashion.

"She got your face," he said in a scolding fashion, touching Ritsuka's wound lightly. "I wish she wouldn't do that."

"She hit me in the head, too," Ritsuka stated into Seimei's hair. "It hurts a lot."

"I know. But it's alright now, Ritsuka. I promise," Seimei said, carrying him toward the stairs. "Everything is going to be alright." Ritsuka protested that he was too old to be carried, but Seimei only laughed and ignored him, pushing open the door to his room with his hip and closing it behind them with his foot.

As Ritsuka was deposited on Seimei's bed, he was struck with surprise at the clean white sheets, pure as snow. The small, dark patches Soubi's blood had left were gone. They had still been there when Ritsuka had woken up and gone downstairs, and now the sheets were changed. But he didn't have time to ponder it much before Seimei returned with some supplies.

"We were out of band-aids," he said, raising an eyebrow. "But I found one in the cupboard." he sat beside his brother on the bed and carefully began cleaning the cut. Ritsuka jumped at the sting of the antiseptic, just as he always did, and clutched Seimei's sleeve. He was relieved when Seimei finished and smoothed the band-aid over the freshly cleaned cut. Ritsuka crawled into his brother's lap to be hugged, slipping his head under his chin, and Seimei sighed and embraced him. The two sat in silence for a few moments before Ritsuka looked up at him.

"Can we go for a walk, Seimei?" he asked softly.

"It's late, Ritsuka. You need to get to bed," Seimei told him in that irritating paternal tone of his. Ritsuka whined and grabbed the front of his jacket.

"Please?" he mewled, giving his brother a pleading look. "Pleeeeeeease, Seimei? Just a short one? I promise I won't whine when you say it's time to go back! Please?"

Seimei sighed and rubbed his brother's hair. "Alright, but just a short one, and then you're going to bed when we get home."

Overjoyed, Ritsuka busied himself with getting his shoes, all the while chattering about his day at school and the various mischief he and Osamu had caused for the teacher during the lunch period. Seimei listened patiently, all the while staring at the place where his Sentouki had lie only a few hours previously and silently prayed that his younger brother had seen neither Soubi nor the damage he himself had inflicted on him. Leaving the house had been careless, yes, but he had been going to pick Ritsuka up from a friend's house, not realizing that Ritsuka had just come home and had just happened not to see him before he left. He only hoped the consequences were not what he feared. If Ritsuka found out… if he saw that part of Seimei that he tried so hard never to show, he didn't know how he would live with himself.

The night air was cool as the two brothers stepped outside, and Ritsuka pulled his jacket against himself as they left the porch and began the walk. The moon was a thin white crescent high above, and reflected in its dim light, everything looked eerie and cold, like something out of a bad dream. But to Ritsuka, it was beautiful, and he was not afraid. As long as Seimei was with him, nothing bad could ever happen to him. Seimei fixed everything.

"Look at this, Seimei!" he cried out excitedly, pointing to a pure white moth that fluttered past. "A moth! And look at that! And this!" the youngest Aoyagi bounced happily beside his brother, who chuckled softly at his enthusiasm. Everything they passed, he seemed to become excited over, sparkling with animation as he hurried beside his older brother, soaking up the atmosphere of the night.

"Do you hear that, Ritsuka?" Seimei asked him. "That humming sound."

"Yep! Is that the crickets?" he asked, leaning closer to a bush as they passed it and trying to hear the sound more clearly.

"No, it's higurashi cicadas," Seimei explained patiently. "They like to sit in the trees during the summer in the evening and chirp like this. They have special noisemakers that help them make that sound… they're part of their skeleton, and they're called 'timbals'."

Ritsuka nodded excitedly. "Oh! I didn't know that! That's really neat, Seimei!" the two continued walking in silence for a moment before the young boy spoke again. This time, his tone was less excited. "But autumn is coming, Seimei. What happens to the cicadas when summer is over?" he sounded worried, pensive. "Do they die?"

Seimei rubbed his brother's hair affectionately. "No, they burrow underground where it's warm and then come out when spring comes again."

"Oh!" Ritsuka said, his excitement back. "Like rabbits! You know everything, Seimei."

Seimei gave a soft laugh and slipped his hand through Ritsuka's, despite his protests that he was far too old to need his hand held. The two walked in silence along the sidewalk for a few minutes. The night air was warmer than it had seemed at first, the last few weeks of summer still casting their soft blanket over the city and making the need to clutch their jackets to themselves far less urgent. Under the light of that cold crescent, they moved steadily along across the pavement, hand in hand. As they passed the park, Seimei led Ritsuka off of the sidewalk and through the trees.

"Let's go this way, Ritsuka. There's a place I want to show you."

"Okay, Seimei," Ritsuka complied, complaining little about having his hand held now that they were away from the glow of the street lamps and in the darker setting surrounded by trees. They headed through the trees, moving at a slow pace, Seimei pointing out things in the dimness. The cicadas were even louder beneath the trees, and Ritsuka peered up at the branches, trying to catch a glimpse of one. "Seimei?" he asked after a few minutes.

"What is it, Ritsuka?"

"Earlier today… when I was hiding from mother under the table… I was so scared, and I… I got lost."

"Got lost?"

"I forgot everything for a minute, Seimei. I forgot where I was and what was going on, and I was really lost for a minute… like that time when we got separated in the mall. Until you came, I forgot everything."

"Do you forget things a lot, Ritsuka?" Seimei asked him softly, giving his hand a squeeze.

Ritsuka's brow was furrowed in thought. "Lately, I have been. Little things. They usually come back, and I'm confused about why it happens. I don't want to forget, Seimei." the younger boy sounded afraid now. "I don't want to get lost again."

Seimei stopped walking and knelt in front of Ritsuka, placing his hands on his shoulders. "Listen Ritsuka, you don't have to be afraid. Because if you ever forget, I'll be here to help you remember, okay? I promise I won't let you get lost."

"Okay," Ritsuka said, most of the fear now absent from his face. "Do you… promise you won't let me get lost?"

"Of course, Ritsuka. You know I'll always keep you safe, no matter what. I would _never_ let you get lost."

Ritsuka's tail flicked happily. "You'll always protect me?"

"Of course."

Ritsuka smiled and hugged Seimei tightly, who embraced him back and rubbed a hand absentmindedly over his ears. "I'm so glad I have you, Seimei!" he held onto him tightly for a moment, purring quietly, and then pulled back and grabbed his brother's hand. "Let's go!"

Seimei smiled at him and led him onward. "We're almost there."

At the break in the trees ahead, they stepped into a small clearing. The moon, released from the net of treetops above them, gleamed its cool light against their skin. Inside the small clearing, spider webs glistened with dew on the barberry bushes, intricate maps of silken thread in between the tiny, frothy pink blossoms. The moonlight turned the beads of water on the webs into liquid silver, gleaming brightly like a thousand tiny jewels. And in the air, tiny orbs of light hovered, darting through the night like searchlights.

"Wow!" Ritsuka hurried into the clearing and stood in the center, lifting his face into the moonlight. "This is so pretty, Seimei! How did you find it?"

Seimei smiled, following him calmly. "I ran across it a while ago while I was out walking."

"Oh," Ritsuka muttered absentmindedly, following one of the orbs of light with his finger. He reached out to touch it, and it darted away. Scowling, he chased after it, moving quickly across the cool grass, and came face to face with another, and then another, until he was chasing them in all directions, first one, then the next, abandoning each to chase the next one that crossed his path.

Ritsuka's hair lifted up from his head as he ran after the fireflies, the air rushed through the holes in his sneakers, and he felt the very heartbeat of the night, lifting him and letting him run fast, faster, surpassing all limits of human speed. He was a lightning bolt, moving too fast for the world to see. He was the king of swiftness. Laughing happily, his face flushed from the running, Ritsuka darted manically behind firefly after firefly, the delight of the chase rushing through his body like pure, sweet sugar. Beneath the light of that moon, everything but that moment rushed away, leaving him full of the pure energy of the night and the simple joy of chasing fireflies when he should definitely have been in bed by now.

Finally, tired from his running, Ritsuka flopped down in the grass, his chest heaving. Seimei lay down with him, his head against Ritsuka's, his feet pointing in the opposite direction. Ritsuka sighed happily, gazing up at the velvety ceiling dusted with stars. The two of them lay there together, quiet and content, watching the stars and moths and the tiny fireflies that darted through the air like so many small fairies.

"This is so much fun, Seimei. Thanks for taking me."

"You're welcome, Ritsuka."

"Um… Seimei?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to Soubi?"

Seimei froze in the grass, his eyes locked unmovingly on the sky. "Who?"

"Soubi! He's your friend! He has light-colored hair! And he doesn't have any ears! And he's really nice!" Ritsuka reminded him innocently. "He got hurt today… do you know what happened?"

Seimei gazed petulantly at the stars, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before answering. He could feel a deep, thick knot of anger at Soubi rising up inside his chest. How dare he allow his younger brother to see him like that? "No Ritsuka, I don't know what happened to him."

"Oh. Well… he had a cut on his neck. But don't worry, I cleaned it and put some band-aids on it, just like you showed me!" Ritsuka said proudly. "So he's going to be okay."

Seimei clenched his teeth slightly. "Good job Ritsuka," he said labouredly. "I'm proud of you."

Ritsuka gave a hum of contentment, and the two lay silently beneath the ceiling of stars, Seimei agonizing over the things Ritsuka had said, and Ritsuka softly singing the tune to a song he had heard that afternoon, dedicating it to the glittering of the stars and the graceful swinging of the fireflies. It wasn't long before propped himself up on his elbows and crawled over to Seimei to rest his head on his chest.

"I love you, Seimei."

"I love you too, Ritsuka," Seimei replied, rubbing his brother's hair affectionately. And then finally, as the cicadas sensed the coming of the later night and one by one ceased their chirping, leaving the clearing silent save for the soft whispering of a dove somewhere nearby, Seimei gathered up a sleeping Ritsuka and started for home.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Decided to explore Seimei's sweet side… because we all know he has one somewhere. He must, if Junko Minagawa loves him so much XD**


	5. Kounetsu Blood

**Disclaimer: Yep. I still own nothing.**

**Thanks so much again for the review! I get all silly with joy every time there's a new one. And my Ryuichi plushie finally came in the mail so my Shuichi one has a friend. I'm so happy today. **

**I made an AMV for this story, too! The link is in my profile if you want to watch it:D**

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_Sparkling angel, I believe  
You are my savior, in my time of need_

_Blinded by my faith, I couldn't hear_

_All the whispers, the warnings so clear_

Soubi wasn't sure if it was all just in his head, but the fluorescent lights made him feel weak. He shifted his muscles slightly and picked absentmindedly on the small puncture wound he had made in his arm. If the hospital personnel thought this small, insignificant wound was the reason he needed a tetanus shot, he would be home free. But the skin around the tiny cut itched like mad, and it took willpower to keep from itching the wound itself. He made tiny patterns around the cut with his flawless fingernails, trying to stop the maddening tickle.

"You shouldn't pick at that, Sou-chan," Kio said from beside him, looking up from the magazine he had been reading. The smell of his strawberry lollipop (his favorite flavor for the week) was somewhat comforting, a small piece of the world outside the doctor's office. He hated these places. "It could get infected."

"Sorry, Kio," Soubi said, complying to his friend's wishes and smiling at him. He had been mothering Soubi since they were four years old. Kio had been his third parent even before his mother and father had died.

Even now, years later and sitting under the blinding lights of a doctor's office waiting room, Soubi could still remember that night clearly. He could remember the way the rain had looked, sliding down the windows of the car, the way the windshield wipers flew across the glass so fast they were a blur. The cold, tan leather of the backseat against his palms and the glare of headlights. Smashing glass, pounding rhythm of his heartbeat, blackness. And then waking up in a cold car in the darkness, everything around him shadows. The way his left arm had hurt with a blinding intensity, and how he hadn't been able to lift it. And his parents, who would not answer him no matter how hard he called to them, motionless lumps in the front seat, their blood smeared across the windshield.

It had taken Soubi great effort with his one working arm to get out of his seatbelt, to crawl into the front seat. He couldn't absorb the fact that his parents were dead. All he could process was getting out of that car, away from the stagnant aroma of death and leather. Up the hill, where the person who had hit them was certainly not waiting, down the road in the pouring rain. Five years old, always rational, with change in his pocket. To the nearest payphone to do the only thing he knew how to do at that moment… call his mother's old friend whose number he had memorized, had seen it written on a scrap of old paper beneath his parents' bed on countless occasions when he crawled under it to hide from Kio when they played games. Ritsu Minami.

Ritsu Minami was cold, solemn, and mostly wordless. But he did offer Soubi the only semblance of comfort he would receive that night. He stood, tall and silent like a giant beside the small boy, and kept a hand on his shoulder. Soubi swallowed the comfort like air, unable to cry, just able to cling, to crawl under the tall man's jacket to escape the rain and hold desperately onto his leg with his good arm. Ritsu's hand rested heavily on his head, but it was warm, a barrier against the cold.

"Are you alright?" he could remember Ritsu asking, peering down at him from behind glasses ("Just like Kio", he had thought). And all Soubi could do was nod a bit and bury his face in the leg of Ritsu's pants. Ritsu stayed with him until the ambulance arrived for Soubi, and then he disappeared into the rain.

In the hospital, Soubi was aware of nothing but the pain in his arm, could barely remember anything in the world but that moment, and felt as though he was falling into a place absent from all memories, from all reality, a place where he was hopelessly lost. He was numb, could react to nothing, and the painkillers advanced the effect even more, to the point where he simply felt like a zombie, unaware of everything. The feeling persisted through the night, where he lay awake, unable to function, must less sleep. The cast on his arm felt huge, bulky, and its itchiness was the only thing he was able to absorb.

He felt that way, empty and lifeless, until the next morning when a frantic Kio and his mother came by to visit. Soubi was able to feel again then, and he clung to Kio and finally cried, feeling the cold push of glasses against his cheek and the warmth of Kio against.

"It's okay, Sou-chan," Kio had told him, even though he had been crying too. "It's okay, I promise." Soubi knew Kio had no idea if it was going to be okay or not, but hearing him saying those words and feeling him pet his hair with the tenderness one petted a kitten somehow made it better. And so he stayed in that embrace, knowing if he did, nothing could ever harm him.

Soubi had lived with Kio and his mother for the next two years, and then eventually had been taken by Ritsu to Shichisei Gakuin to begin his training as a Sentouki. And he had managed to push away the feelings of loneliness and helplessness by throwing himself into the turbulence of his own life… first the mad joyous times that he and Kio had shared after he'd moved to his house, then the rigorous and often painful training to become a Sentouki, and now the chaos of actually _being_ a Sentouki. And whenever those feelings returned, he would go back to that moment, to that time when nothing could touch him… to those quiet whispers of "it's okay, Sou-chan".

"Sou-chan?"

Soubi jumped, looking around in surprise. The bright florescent lights and Kio's concerned face met his eyes. In the waiting room of the doctor's office. Away from his memories and that darkness…

"Yes, Kio?"

"Oh, you're awake." Kio said, rubbing Soubi's head and grinning. "You were just staring off into space… I was getting worried."

Soubi smiled slightly. "I'm fine, Kio. Thank you."

"Agatsuma Soubi?" a soft, cheerful voice inquired, and Soubi looked up to see a smiling nurse standing in the waiting room doors, looking around. He raised his hand slightly in acknowledgement and stood up, walking over to the nurse and adjusting the neck of the black turtleneck he wore to hide the bandages around his neck more securely.

"That's me," he told her, giving her a friendly smile. Though since the night his parents had died he couldn't stand medical facilities, he had memories of how kind the nurses had been to him, and he couldn't help but feel a secret allegiance with them even now.

"Right this way," the nurse told him, smiling back. Soubi was aware of Kio walking beside him as he followed the nurse, and couldn't hold back a smile. Kio was always so worried about him, even now when he was going to get a simple shot. They headed down a sterile-looking hallway and into a room on the left side toward the end. "You're lucky… the doctor is in his office right now, so you won't have to wait." she pushed open the door. "Doctor Ieyasu… Agatsuma Soubi is here." having announced them, she showed them inside and waved them off with a cheery smile as she headed back down the hallway.

Soubi closed the door behind he and Kio and stepped farther into the room. The doctor was at a desk, checking some things on an entrance sheet. At their arrival, he turned in his swivel chair to face them and gave them a welcoming smile.

"Agatsuma Soubi, is it? Come in and have a seat," he told them, adjusting his glasses. Soubi froze. Something about that gesture made his blood run cold. The doctor was young… he looked to be in his mid-thirties, and his demeanor was sunny, welcoming. But what registered in Soubi's mind was how much he reminded him of his sensei. His hair was pale blond, clipped neatly to his chin, unlike Soubi's own shaggy hair. He wore a pair of thin, tasteful glasses, and the way he clicked his pen methodically a few times before setting it on the desk reminded him of Ritsu too.

"Sou-chan? Are you okay?" Kio asked him. "You just lost all the color in your face."

"Yes…" Soubi said softly. "I'll be alright. I'm sorry."

"Do you need to sit down, Soubi?" Doctor Ieyasu asked him, his tone soothing. "We can talk about the shot for a few minutes before we start if you're too nervous."

At this, Soubi breathed a sigh of relief. This man was _nothing_ like his former sensei. He smiled. "No, that's alright. I was… a little worried for a moment there, but I think I'm ready for the shot now." he slid himself up onto the examination table and took a seat, letting his legs dangle over the edge. "Thank you."

The threat of an emotional collapse was once again passed, but Soubi, somewhere inside, was severely shaken at his own reaction, and it made him feel uneasy.

He had never known he was still so fragile.

**XXX**

"What happened to you in there, Sou-chan?" Kio asked Soubi curiously as the two neared Soubi's house. Kio was sucking a grape lollipop this time, and the small sound of him sucking it lightly was familiar, comforting. "I've never seen you afraid of something like a shot before."

Soubi shrugged, examining his own cherry lollipop as though it was extremely interesting, taking in the curve of the small red sphere, gleaming like a ruby with his own saliva. The harder he concentrated on it, the easier it was to pretend he was unaffected. "Everyone gets nervous sometimes, Kio."

"But you don't… not of things like that, anyway. It's been years since I've seen you react like that to anything. What really happened?"

"Nothing happened, Kio. I was just nervous about the shot. Are you coming over to paint today?" Soubi asked, changing the subject carefully.

"No, I can't. My grandmother's making dinner tonight, and I promised I'd help, so I have to get home so we can get started. Hey, do you want to come?" they were on Soubi's front steps by now, and he was fumbling with his key as Kio spoke. "It could be fun. And _I_ could finally cook for _you_ for once."

Soubi smiled. He was always making dinner for Kio, and Kio was often livid that Soubi insisted on doing the cooking instead of giving Kio access to his kitchen. "Sure, Kio. That sounds nice."

"Really? Great! You can come over at seven, okay?"

"Okay. Hey, are you sure your mother won't mind you inviting me without asking her?"

"Of course not! She misses you, you know, so I'm sure she'll love to have you over."

"Alright, then. I'll come by at seven," it was then that Soubi realized he hadn't been able to get the door unlocked because it was unlocked in the first place, and chuckled at his own idiocy.

"And don't bring a gift this time, Sou-chan. It's embarrassing," Kio said, pointing a finger at his friend. "We're like your family… none of _us_ act that formal with _you_."

Soubi smiled and shook his head. "It's not formal, Kio, just polite."

Kio sighed. "Well… don't be _polite_, then! God, Sou-chan, sometimes I wonder if you're even really a teenager at all!"

"That's right, Kio, I'm secretly thirty." Soubi opened the door. "I'll see you at seven, and I won't bring a gift, okay?"

"Okay," Kio said skeptically. He leaned forward and hugged his friend tightly, and Soubi gave him a one-armed hug so we wouldn't get his lollipop in Kio's hair and rubbed affectionately at the yellow locks.

"I'll see you later, Kio. I can't wait to taste your cooking."

"Bye, Sou-chan!" Kio waved and bounded down the steps. Soubi laughed and waved, and then turned and went inside, slipping the cherry lollipop back into his mouth (1).

There was something odd about the air of his home… something different from the way it usually felt. It was as though some outside presence, something unfamiliar, had intruded into this secluded, private world of his. There was still the bright afternoon sun gleaming against every surface, the pale, warm wood, the simple furnishings, his easel still in place. Bur something still wasn't quite right. He let his jacket slide from his shoulders and slipped it onto its hook beside the door, looking around for any possible cause of the feeling of intrusion. And there it was, on his sofa.

"Seimei?" Soubi adjusted the collar of his turtleneck.

"Hello, Soubi." the teenager looked remarkably dangerous, and Soubi stopped in his tracks, feeling himself probed blissfully by that dark, beautiful stare. Seimei's eyes, those dark, gorgeous eyes, were his world, and he could feel himself reflected in them in that moment as his Sacrifice's stare bared down on him. At times like these, he loved the feeling of complete possession. He longed for nothing more than to be completely owned by this boy sitting and staring moodily at him from the sofa.

"I didn't know you would be here…" he said clumsily, the words lacking his usual flowing grace. Seimei rarely came to Soubi's house… he preferred to only see him at his own home. It was so startling to see him here… in a place he usually only saw Kio, where the stress and joy of being Seimei's rarely was this real, and it set him off balance, his usual equilibrium shattered.

"I had to come… I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What is it, Seimei?" something about the way those eyes flashed as he spoke made him wonder about what could possibly have made him this intense.

"It's concerning my brother."

"You mean Ritsuka…"

"Of course I mean Ritsuka. I know you met him, Soubi." Seimei stood and was moving over to Soubi. He was frozen in place, breathless with wonder at the shrinking distance between them. "And I know… I know you let him touch you." he reached his destination, and with a suddenness that dazed the Sentouki he reached out a hand and grabbed Soubi roughly by the throat. He gagged, unable to breathe.

"Seimei…" he croaked, clawing at the Sacrifice's hand as he squeezed tighter.

"I will _not_ have you soiling my brother with your filth," Seimei spat. "You are _not_ allowed to touch him. Not now, not ever. Do I make myself clear?"

"Y-yes," Soubi gagged. Seimei squeezed harder.

"_No one_ touches my brother but his family. This world is contaminated by a filth you can't see, you can't feel, but it's still there. And I will not allow it to ruin him." (2)

Soubi dug his nails desperately into the hand around his throat, squeezing hard enough to match the pressure of those long, impossibly strong fingers. His nails finally broke the skin, and blood pooled around their tips, staining the smooth nails crimson. Seimei didn't seem to notice, and his grip on Soubi's throat did not yield. The Sentouki began to feel lightheaded, desperate for air, and he struggled urgently against his Sacrifice.

"Seimei… please…" he whimpered, though it came out as a gurgle.

"Clean up your own blood next time," Seimei snapped, and his grip released just as suddenly as it had come. Soubi choked for air, clutching his throat. Seimei watched him passively as he breathed heavily, finally catching his breath and straightening, looking his beautiful Sacrifice in the eye. "Have I taught you a lesson?" the younger asked smoothly.

"Yes, of course, Seimei," Soubi whispered, lowering his eyes.

"Good."

Soubi looked up at his Sacrifice, who was still watching him, that flame still dancing in his dark irises. The sight of that teenager looking so ferocious and possessive lit that desperate fire inside of Soubi once more, and the proximity of his body so close intensified it even further. Seimei's eyes met his, and that feeling, that need, that love, grew even stronger yet. It was reaching its peak, after this year they had spent as master and servant, and there was no container for it, no way to lessen its force. And as all things, it needed an outlet. Badly. And Soubi could wait no longer to give it one. His hands shook as he moved them, as he took the front of Seimei's soft shirt and pulled him closer to fill the small distance between them, and even more as he crushed his lips against those of his Sacrifice.

Seimei attempted to pull back at first; Soubi knew he would. He had anticipated this and wrapped his arms around the other, holding him close, feeling the warm struggling of his body, the delicious heat of his lips that quivered and attempted to evade his. But there had been far too much waiting, far too much loneliness, and Soubi would not allow him to escape. Soubi was much stronger than Seimei, and for once it worked to his advantage. He cradled his lips carefully against Seimei's, taking care to memorize their heat, their silkiness, there very existence, before he teased them open slightly with his own, feeling the slight wetness brush his lips and making him shudder deliciously.

Seimei made muffled protests against his lips, still struggling in Soubi's arms. But Soubi knew that Seimei's body could only hold out for so long without responding, and he pressed onward, relishing the warmth and softness of Seimei's mouth, nibbling insistently at his lower lip, and finally running the tip of his tongue against those lips, tasting Seimei for the first time.

Seimei's taste made Soubi weak, and he pushed his tongue further, letting it slide slowly into the hollow of that wonderful mouth, and then finally licking at the curve of Seimei's tongue. For this, he was rewarded by Seimei giving an inadvertent groan. It further fueled the Sentouki's intensity, and his hand slid up Seimei's back to tangle itself in Seimei's hair, which was impossibly soft, heaven to his fingers. And then Seimei's tongue was pushing back, and they were tangled in the kiss, its heat growing, Soubi clutching at him hard and rubbing lovingly, madly at his hair.

Seimei was reacting, was kissing him. Soubi had never imagined that this would come to pass, and he had never imagined he could feel such a feverish longing for any one person as he did for this master of his. Seimei's hands were holding the front of his shirt… _almost_ touching him back. Soubi's hands, on the other hand, were exploring Seimei's back through his shirt, luxuriating in the delicious curve of his Sacrifice's spine, the pure, wonderful heat he felt through the thin material. That tongue… that wonderful tongue. It was pure joy and madness, and Soubi was held irresistibly by its complete power, by is subtle taste that was purely Seimei, and by the fact that now Seimei was the one shuddering, was the one that was being driven mad by the other. It was wonderful, pure happiness. And it was short-lived.

Seimei pulled back then, shaking, his usual composure broken and that side he usually only showed when he was extremely sleep-deprived showing through. His face was flushed a brilliant shade of strawberry pink, and Soubi smiled at how beautiful his Seimei looked, standing there with a look of complete shock at his own actions, the telltale signs of his reaction to their fierce tangle still there.

"I need to go," he said in a businesslike manner, looking at anything but Soubi as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"See you tomorrow, Seimei," Soubi said brightly before the door shut behind the other teenager.

Soubi wasn't sure whether he had helped things or only created more distance between them, but at the moment, he didn't care. Smiling stupidly, he hummed to himself as he picked up his paintbrush, knowing that just for today, things were finally going smoothly.

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**(1)- Ever since I read the manga, I've always had to make Soubi eat a lollipop at least once, because it's just so cute!!**

**(2)- Seimei isn't talking about filth as in germs. He's talking about corruption of innocence. Woo hoo!**

**I don't know what kind of 'accident' Soubi's parents died in, but in this world, it was a car accident. **

**Aww, things are so happy right now! Too bad I'll eventually have to ruin them in a certain later chapter (is pure evil).**


	6. Denwachuu

**Disclaimer: Nothing! I own nothing!**

**Thanks again for the reviews! I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday… my sister was poking at me and calling me Eiri Yuki because all I do stay holed up in the house and write, so I did something else for the day XD**

**I found two dead butterflies in my room yesterday… this story is coming to get me, I swear. **

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The light was gone when Soubi opened his eyes, the warm sunlight he had sprawled across the floorboards in gone, the house dark. He crawled to his feet, feeling a bit groggy but nonetheless refreshed from his nap, and switched on some lights before checking the clock.

6:30. Plenty of time before he needed to make the 10-minute walk to Kio's place for dinner. Plenty of time to do anything he wanted… he leaned against the wall, his eyes watching the phone closely. It sat on the table, inconspicuous but capable at times of deciding the course of his day or even his life… such an insignificant thing, and yet able to change so much. But then again, a butterfly seemed insignificant, too…

Soubi stared the phone down, as though willing it to force him into a decision. That phone sat there, innocent and silent, just a dead lump of plastic. But it could connect them in an instant… and of course he wanted to see how he was doing… Soubi strode over purposefully and grabbed the receiver before he had time to change his mind, punching in that beautiful series of numbers that would connect him with his Sacrifice for even a few brief moments of bliss. And then the receiver went up to his hear, and the ring tone met his hearing. It was just a phone call… why was it making his heart pound this way.

"Hello?"

"Seimei?" Soubi asked without even stopping to register the voice, pouncing immediately.

"Seimei isn't home. Sorry! But I could have him call you back if you want. Who is it?"

Soubi wasn't entirely surprised… after all it wasn't like Seimei to go straight home when he had been deeply affected by something. But that wasn't to say he wasn't disappointed. He slumped against the table and answered softly, "It's Soubi."

"Oh, hi, Soubi! It's Ritsuka!" the tone of the voice changed from neutral to excited, and Soubi couldn't stop a smile from creeping across his face. Why did he feel such elation at hearing that voice, when the one he'd wanted to hear was Seimei's?

"Hello, Ritsuka. How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty great! This morning Seimei came to my school and I showed him my drawings!" the eager tone of his voice made Soubi's smile widen. "How're you? What are you doing? How was your day?"

"I'm alright. I'm just painting a picture." Soubi reached up and touched his neck, which was tender now both from the carving and the places when Seimei's strong fingers had nearly choked the life out of him. "My day was… interesting."

"Interesting? Interesting is good. Did you go to school?" Soubi could almost picture Ritsuka lying on a bed or sofa as he spoke, maybe letting his legs dangle over the edge, clutching the phone with that eager expression on his face.

"No, I'm already out of school."

"But you're not a grown-up!" Ritsuka protested. Soubi chuckled softly.

"I just got done with it early, that's all."

"Oh! Is that because you're really smart, Soubi?" the little boy asked in awe, which made Soubi laugh again.

"Maybe. But I think maybe it's just because I went to a school that doesn't last as long, and I started when I was very young.

"Oh. Well, I still think you're really smart, Soubi."

Soubi smiled.

"Thank you, Ritsuka. You're very smart, too." Ritsuka's childish giggle made him feel lighthearted, and he smiled a goofy at the wall across from him and then realized he really had no idea why he was smiling. He glanced at the clock then. How in the world had it been fifteen minutes? And he still had to get ready. He sighed reluctantly. "I'm sorry Ritsuka, but I have to get ready to go somewhere, so I'm afraid we're going to have to say goodbye."

"Souuuubi!" Ritsuka whined, and then laughed playfully. "Okay. But you'll call again, right?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course I will, Ritsuka. It was nice talking to you."

"You too, Soubi! I'll talk to you later!"

"Goodbye, Ritsuka." Soubi smiled at him, though he knew Ritsuka couldn't see him, and slowly, grudgingly replaced the phone on the hook. Busying himself with the everyday, he washed Seimei's blood from his hands and face, brushed his hair into a neat array of silken strands, and changed the bandages around his neck, taking care to pull the neck of his turtleneck up over the bandages to hide them from sight. There. Ready with plenty of time to spare. He glanced briefly in the mirror and then headed for the door.

As he began the short walk to Kio's house, he couldn't help but think of that phone conversation with Ritsuka, and tried to ignore the nagging thought that he would probably not still feel this elated if the conversation had been with Seimei.

**XXX**

As he had a knack for doing, Soubi arrived for dinner just on time. As he knocked on the door, he paused to take a look up at the night sky, which was littered with stars, twinkling only weakly this early in the evening. It made his breath catch for a moment, and he was only pulled out the beauty of the sky by the sound of the door opening.

"Soubi-kun!" Kio's mother, a short blonde woman with a slight frame like her son's, greeted him with a warm smile. Soubi grinned back and moved forward to receive her hug, warm and full of motherly tenderness. "We've missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Okami-san," Soubi said, hugging her back happily. He could remember his own mother clearly; tall, graceful, with pale strawberry blond hair like his own and the same deep blue eyes. As Soubi grew older, he saw every day that he resembled her more and more. It wasn't that he minded… she had been beautiful. But every time he looked into the mirror, it was like staring into a tiny, painful moment of the past that he could never revisit, and it became worse as he grew taller and began to inherit her natural grace, her delicate hands, her narrow, catlike eyes.

His mother had always been somewhat distant… never cold, but always distant, mysterious, her words often strange and cryptic. It dismayed him slightly when those who had known her told him how very like her he had become. It ached slightly… as though he was reliving her life, plotting out a destiny she had not fulfilled. He only took comfort in the fact that he had Seimei for his Sacrifice. That was one thing that was not fragile enough to change with time. Yes, his mother had left her Sacrifice and fallen in love with another man. This was one fault of hers, one part of her broken legacy that Soubi would not inherit… he would remain faithful to his Sacrifice, his one and only Seimei. He would have no one else. He would not become like her.

It went without saying that his own mother was nothing like Kio's, and as he stood there wrapped in that warm embrace, he wondered if it was disrespectful to the late Agatsuma Maigo(1) to be glad he had someone who would mother him in a way she never had.

"It's been months since you've been over here, Soubi-kun!" Okami said, brushing his hair out of his face and smiling warmly at him. "You've grown so tall. I have to look up to see you!"

Soubi laughed and let her ruffle his hair as she released him. "These things to happen," he said with a grin. Okami stepped back to let him in, and the instant he stepped into the living room he could smell the distinct aroma of tonkatsu, one of favorite dishes of Kio's grandmother, Myou. He could recall many occasions that she made it when he was younger, and the scent relaxed his entire body and brought him back to the calm, carefree mode that visiting the Kaidou family always brought over him.

"Kio, Soubi-kun is here!" Okami called as Soubi systematically removed his jacket and hung it before removing his shoes. He was irritated to find a hole in the toe of his sock, and when he looked up from agonizing over it, Kio was standing in front of his, his apron still in place, talking animatedly.

"Sou-chan! You're here!" Kio looked even smaller than usual in the large cooking apron, flour in his soft blond bangs. "And you're not even late!"

"Hello, Kio," Soubi said, giving his best friend a large smile. "It smells delicious."

"Oh… heh, thanks!" Kio rubbed the back of his head awkwardly for a moment and then grabbed Soubi by the arm, pulling him toward the kitchen. "Come on, Sou-chan! It's already time to eat!"

In the kitchen, Myou greeted Soubi as she usually did; embraced him a bit too hard and hissed "you're too skinny, Agatsuma. We'll have to fatten you up", and then ushered him to his place at the table. She had always thought he was too thin, and he never got any less so, despite her constant attempts to overfeed him.

Seated around that table, Soubi's anxiety slowly melted as he talked with Kio's family about various topics. He couldn't feel any envy toward Kio for having such a family, because in a way, they were Soubi's family as well. Kio and his grandmother's tonkatsu was perfectly cooked (though he had suspicions that it would have turned out less so if Kio had made it on his own), and the yakisoba and karaage made as side dishes, which Kio had mostly had control over, were surprisingly better than Soubi had anticipated (2). It was almost impossible to think of the darkness of his relationship with Seimei or the distinct, throbbing pain in his neck when he sat with these people, talking until the food was finished and then far beyond as the sky darkened and the world spun outside, oblivious to the warm banter going on inside the house's walls.

It was nearly nine by the time Soubi finally pulled on his jacket and pulled on his shoes. Kio watched him get ready for his journey into the night, sucking absentmindedly on a peach lollipop and wiggling his toes, swathed in purple socks. The sounds of the dishes clinking in the sink were distinct from the kitchen, and Kio sighed, his knowledge that he would be expected to help with them as soon as Soubi left obvious.

"It was a wonderful dinner, Kio. You're a much better cook than I gave you credit for."

Kio blushed slightly. "Well… I just helped… baba did most of the work." (3)

Soubi smiled. "Oh, not at all, Kio. You must have been a great help."

Kio gave him a smile back. "I'm really glad you came, Sou-chan," he said softly, his eyes darting around for a moment before he placed his hands on Soubi's shoulders and stood up on his tiptoes to give his friend a quick, peach-flavored kiss on the lips.

"Kio…" Soubi muttered, not really sure how to react to his best friend's actions. Kio was blushing furiously, looking at anything but Soubi and sucking furiously at the lollipop to avoid the obligation to speak. The deep blush on his face and the bare, intimate nature of his expression kept Soubi at loss for words. However, it only took a few seconds before the blush disappeared and Kio's usually easygoing attitude returned abruptly.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Sou-chan!" he said breezily, leaning forward to pull him into a hug. "Be safe walking home, okay?"

"Okay, Kio. I'll see you tomorrow," Soubi said, ruffling the shorter boy's hair and smiling at him before exiting and heading down the steps.

Soubi was not as shocked by Kio's actions as he could have been. Kio was unpredictable; he always had been, and whenever he did something, it was best not to read too much into it or be too surprised. It was one of the conditions of being Kio's friend. You had to be prepared for anything. His reaction to something could be complete anger one time, and the next it could make him laugh.

Soubi had learned to love every one of his best friend's imperfections over all the years he had known him, and by now that kiss only make him chuckle and shake his head. If Kio had any deeper intentions or feelings that had been hidden behind that kiss, now was not the time to worry about it. Kio always made things clear in time, and there was no sense in thinking about anything that right now. Right now, the sky was just too perfect of an inky black, dotted with thousands of stars that twinkled brightly at him like the glittering eyes of tiny birds, the air was cool but not too bitterly cold, not enough to dampen its beauty in the least. Right now, all Soubi could think of as he walked down the sidewalk was the infinite beauty of this perfect night, and how deeply he wished that Seimei was walking beside him.

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**(1)- I don't know if it ever mentions her real name in the manga (I'm on volume 6), so I named Soubi's mother Maigo. If anyone can correct me, that'd be great.**

**(2)- Tonkatsu is a Japanese dish consisting of a loin of pork battered and deep fried, yakisoba is a kind of noodle dish, and karaage are bite-size pieces of meat (usually chicken, fish, or octopus) rolled in flour and fried. Myou seemed like the kind of lady who would make traditional Japanese food instead of the more Western stuff. So, from my own feeble attempts, I'm sure her Japanese cooking is much better than mine.**

**(3)- Obaasan is Japanese for "grandmother", so Kio calling her "baba" is kind of like calling your grandma "granny".**


	7. Water on Grease Fire

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I promise!**

**Thanks again for the reviews, all you lovely people! You make me cackle and smile and be glad to be alive! So glad!**

**I'll be posting some art for this story in the near future on deviantart, by the way. My name's tatteredmemory on there, so come stalk me and such XD**

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Why did it have to be so itchy?

Stationed in front of the mirror, Soubi scratched carefully, gently at the skin around his cuts. It had been two weeks, and the mottled, angry bruises Seimei had left on his skin were slowly fading, leaving his skin less sore and tender. The Name, however, had not even begun to heal. It still stood out on the pale skin, gaping open, refusing to close. Soubi kept it too well cleaned for it to get infected, and it hurt less with each passing day, but showed no signs of beginning to mend itself or fade. And God, that carving itched. He had to use all of his willpower to keep from scratching it directly. It was a constant inner battle, staring himself down and willing himself to keep his nails away from the places were his smooth skin was broken open in the shape of that beautiful Name.

This itch worsened day by day, and during the two weeks since its creation it had grown to a maddening crescendo. Soubi had always had discipline, and refused to scratch it, but two weeks of progression were still quite a bit.

Two weeks… he couldn't believe it had already been two weeks. Two quiet, lonely weeks, fourteen lonely days. Fourteen nights after Kio had gone home that Soubi lay awake and wondered if he truly had fractured he and Seimei's relationship to the point of shattering. It had always been fragile… as fragile as the wings of that butterfly that Seimei had so easily destroyed, and he had been a fool to think that it was sturdy enough to hold up after he had pulled a stupid stunt like that. Seimei had not attempted to contact Soubi since that day, and thought Soubi had called several times, he had given up when it became clear that Seimei wanted nothing to do with him these days. It hurt deeply, cutting him like a splinter wedged somewhere deep between his ribs.

"Sou-chan! Are you almost finished?" Kio's voice came from nearby where the easels were set up by the window, and Soubi, so deep into concentration at those bittersweet cuts on his neck, jumped at the sound of an outside voice.

"Just a moment, Kio… I'm just changing the bandages." Soubi quickly cleaned the wounds with the cold, stinging antiseptic that kept his germs at bay and swathed his neck tightly in clean bandages. He was starting to become quite skilled at wrapping them… it was starting to come naturally. It was good to be fast; he certainly didn't want Kio seeing those bruises, or he would spend the next hour rattling on about the evils of Seimei. But Seimei was not evil. Seimei was perfect. And Soubi didn't want any part of someone saying otherwise. "There, finished," he said cheerfully, stepping from behind the bathroom's screen and heading over to Kio, who tossed him his smock.

"You were in there for a while. Is everything alright?" Kio raised an eyebrow at him, slipping the lollipop out of his mouth. Soubi chuckled at Kio's ever-mothering instincts and tied on his smock with quick, fluid motions before tying his hair back.

"Everything is fine, Kio. You don't need to worry so much."

"Yes I do. Because if there was ever anything really wrong, you wouldn't tell me! It's why I need to ask!" Kio brandished his lollipop like a sword at his friend, who stopped his motion toward the easel and looked at him. Kio had his hands on his hips, head cocked to the side, lollipop held like a dagger. "I mean… you've never really been the most open person, Sou-chan, but ever since you started doing all this fighting business for that Aoyagi, you don't tell me _anything_!" he stated indignantly. "And I hate it!"

Soubi's expression softened with surprise. "Oh?" he asked, cocking his head slightly.

"Don't 'oh' me, Agatsuma! You know what I'm talking about! I hate the thought of you out there hurting people and getting hurt in the process! I really wish you would stop all this before you end up getting seriously hurt! I wouldn't be able to stand it if you did!" Kio stepped forward and grabbed Soubi by the shoulders. "Please stop all of this, Sou-chan!"

Soubi sighed softly. "I can't stop. You know that, Kio. Seimei is my master."

"Well… don't let him be anymore! Sou-chan, I don't want you hurt!"

"If injury is necessary to protect my Sacrifice, I'm more than willing to take it," Soubi said, feeling more like a robot than a person as he said this, because it was only a repeat of what he had said a hundred, a thousand times before.

"Stop saying that!" Kio's small blond ears flattened back on his head and he squeezed Soubi's shoulders. "Why would you want to let yourself get hurt for a person like _that_?"

"Seimei is my master, Kio. I'm willing to do anything for him."

"Stop it!" Kio's tail flicked with irritation, and he looked Soubi fiercely in the eyes, staring him down with far more force than usual. "Just stop it! Nobody is your master, Sou-chan! You can control what you do on your own! You don't have to listen to him!"

Soubi sighed softly. "Kio… I have no choice. The bond between a Sentouki and his Sacrifice-"

"Should be by choice! Look, Sou-chan, I don't know much about this whole thing, but I do know that you shouldn't be forced to serve someone, no matter what! You only love him because you have to! What kind of relationship is that?" Kio was back in one of those frantic moods he got into so often whenever the subject of Seimei came up, and he clutched the front of Soubi's sweater tightly in both fists, his large gray eyes trembling.

"Kio… Seimei and I are-"

"The way he treats you makes me sick, Sou-chan!" Kio told him. Soubi gasped slightly in shock as the hands on the front of his shirt pulled him against Kio with a thud, their eyes locking and Kio showing no sign of looking away.

"Kio, he-"

But the shorter male had no intention of allowing Soubi to finish. "You shouldn't have to be with someone who treats you that way, especially not just because of 'destiny' or whatever makes the whole thing work! Don't you want to be with someone just because you love them, and because they love you!?" and then, without warning, without giving Soubi any time to answer, Kio had pulled Soubi's face down to his and crushed their lips together, an action that shocked Soubi to the point of silence.

Soubi couldn't move, couldn't react, couldn't speak, and was struck with the thought that this was probably the way Seimei had felt when he had kissed him that time two weeks previously. It was, to say the least, sufficiently awkward. Kissing Kio was nothing like kissing Seimei. Kio's kiss was softer, less intense, and far more strange. Nevertheless, he could really think of nothing to do but allow Kio to kiss him and stand frozen in place.

Soubi could not recall ever being touched tenderly like this before… Kio's hands were smoothing his hair gently, brushing his face now and then, a series of loving touches that Soubi wasn't sure whether to enjoy or be terrified by. In the end, he could really do nothing but kiss Kio back ineptly, never having given a kiss that made him feel so silly. Kio was gentle, nothing like the dark, often malicious Seimei, and Soubi was slightly alarmed at the difference that was evident in every motion of lips, every action, ever flutter of eyelashes.

It was only a few minutes before Kio pulled away, his face flushed heavily, and looked at the floor for a moment before looking back at Soubi. "I'm… sorry Sou-chan, I just…" tears of embarrassment weren't far from the corners of his eyes, and he bit his lip. "I'm so sorry!"

Soubi smiled slightly, still a bit shaken by his best friend's actions, and rubbed Kio's cheek in the same motherly fashion he routinely used with Soubi. "It's alright, Kio. You don't have to explain."

"But I should! I… I feel so stupid. I shouldn't have- I'm sorry! I just… I couldn't help it! I wasn't thinking! I just wanted to- I'm sorry, Sou-chan!" Kio slumped against Soubi's chest, and suddenly he was crying, and Soubi rubbed at his hair carefully.

"It's fine, Kio. It's really alright. I understand. It's okay." Soubi gathered up his friend, who was now sobbing fully with humiliation, and carried him to the sofa, where he cradled him like a child as whispered small words of comfort against his hair.

**XXX**

Soubi awoke to the sound of the phone blaring its ring in his ears. Kio was sprawled across his chest, sleeping soundly with a fist curled around the material of Soubi's shirt. He chuckled and shook his head; Kio always looked like a child when he slept. He got up carefully, cautious not to wake Kio, and hurried over to the phone, hoping to catch it before it stopped ringing or it made the other stir.

Soubi was in luck, and he grabbed it before either outcome happened. "Hello?"

"Soubi."

Soubi's breath caught in his throat, the pace of his heart quickening to race and thud in his ears. Oh God, had it really been two weeks since he'd heard this beautiful, wonderful voice? He gripped the phone eagerly against his ear, feeling very much like a lovesick schoolgirl, a fact that made him feel extremely juvenile. "Seimei," the word rolled over his lips with all the fluid grace he remembered, and it set his soul at ease. "I'm sorry about-"

"Never mind that, Soubi," Seimei said in that superb voice of his, making Soubi's heart race even more just at the sound of it. "We have something more important on our hands."

"What is it?"

"A battle… right about now. In the park. Can you make it?"

Soubi glanced at Kio lying soundly asleep on his sofa, a gentle smile on his face. "Of course, Seimei. I'll leave now."

"Alright. I'll meet you there in five minutes. Goodbye, Soubi." Soubi could have sworn he heard something different in the way Seimei said his name before the dial tone blared in his ears, and it made his heart leap.

Soubi hung up the phone and slipped into his shoes and coat, and covered Kio with the comforter from his bed before he quietly left the house. The night air was colder than it had been in a long time, but Soubi barely noticed, simply slipping on the plain black gloves in the pocket of his jacket and heading onward across the empty sidewalk, pressing forth by the light of that icy white moon.

As he walked, his heart was lighter than it usually was before a fight. Because, battle or not, the only thing that he could keep in his mind was one thought and one thought only; he was going to see his Seimei again.

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**The next chapter is going to be hell for me, since I've never written a battle scene for Loveless before. Does anyone have any tips?**


	8. Ghost Train

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything! Booooo!**

**This chapter is for Muzatsu! Thanks for all the advice on the battle! I never would have been able to write it without you! I really appreciate it!**

**Only 4 days until Soubi's birthday! What are you guys going to do to celebrate?**

**I love Nisei… (fangirl nosebleed)**

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"They're late…"

"Have a little patience, Sei-chan. They'll turn up in good time." elegant hands twirled the cigarette before lighting it with the embossed silver lighter and raising it to pale lips.

"I've had enough patience… I only want to finish them."

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" a puff of smoke issued forth, traveling in wisps through the air in front of his face. "It _is _ Seimei, after all."

"Seimei knows nothing of the truth about Agatsuma Soubi. To him, I am merely another Sentouki, and he will treat me that way. And I will treat him as just another Sacrifice, no matter what the consequences will be. If he happens to die in the process, which is quite likely, it will only mean freedom for both of us." Akame Nisei lips curved upward in a slightly wicked smile and his black ears twitched a bit.

"I don't like that look, Sei-chan." the older, earless Sacrifice looked down at his Sentouki with suspicious eyes. The night was windy, and his vision of Nisei was slightly obscured by wisps of deep blue hair that slid relentlessly in front of his eyes, irritating him to no end and producing a sigh. "What's happening?"

Nisei smiled and adjusted the bandage around his finger more securely to cover his name completely in the heat of the oncoming battle. "It's happening, Nai-san. Agatsuma Soubi is getting close."

"Nisei… to go against your name this way might well kill both of you."

"I don't care, alright?" the teenager snapped, turning away from the adult. "You may be the Sacrifice, but you _will_ grant me this battle, and I _will_ do as I see fit."

"Of course, my dear Sei-chan," he sighed, taking a deep drag from his cigarette and raising his eyes to the sky. "It's such a beautiful night… a shame to ruin it with such a pointless battle."

**XXX**

They were close…

Soubi pulled his jacket a little closer against the harshening wind and moved swiftly through the trees toward the place where his senses told him another Sentouki was currently located. The ringing in his ears grew louder as he moved forward, his path lit in various places by the light of that swollen moon.

_There…_

He stepped between the trees into a place where the park was lit by street lamps and a series of paved paths led to small benches around the area. In the dim glow of the lamps and the moon, two figures stood, one short, the other taller than himself. He continued forward, wondering where Seimei was, and stepped into the light to reveal himself.

"Agatsuma Soubi," the shorter, eared figure, which Soubi recognized as the Sentouki, stepped forward slightly and cocked his head at him, locks of long black hair sliding into his face. "I certainly expected something more impressive of you."

"Who are you?" Soubi asked calmly, eyes fixed on the Sentouki's face.

"Akame Nisei, Sentouki."

"Sagan Naimei, Sacrifice."

"What is your Name?" Soubi couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong about these two, something he could feel deeper than the chill of the air or the wind lifting his hair. Something that the Sentouki part of him could sense, while the normal, more human part was blearily unaware. These two were not a normal team.

Nisei was smiling sinisterly at him as he watched him turn these things over in his mind. He held his ring finger tightly within the fingers of his other hand. "Our Name is Nameless."

"No such Name exists."

"That's what you think." Nisei stepped over to Soubi, looking up into his face with those cold, horrifying eyes. "Really, Agatsuma Soubi, you are so naïve. I could tell you a million things you don't know about me, but I'm afraid that would ruin the surprise!" his smile feigned innocence this time.

"What are you talking about?" Soubi asked, willing himself not to wince under that impossibly intense gaze. Nisei smiled again, this time his viciousness back as he grabbed Soubi by the front of his jacket and threw him backward with all his force. Soubi was so unprepared that he flailed and landed flat on his back.

"I already told you it would ruin the surprise," Nisei hissed, stepping over Soubi and grinding a heel into Soubi's stomach. He moan softly and grit his teeth.

"Nisei, this isn't right," Naimei said softly, stepping forward.

"Leave it, Nai-san!" Nisei snapped. "I'll deal with him how I want! He _is_ currently taking something that is mine, after all."

"What?" Soubi asked him, trying with some difficultly to speak past the heel that was still pushing into his abdomen. "What do you mean?"

Nisei made a scolding noise and ground his heel harder. "I already told you it would ruin the surprise."

"Nisei, wait until his Sacrifice gets here. Use your spells."

"Shut up, Naimei!" Nisei barked, shoving his foot against Soubi harder. Soubi refused to show how much it hurt him, clenching his teeth tightly together and trying to pretend he was back in sensei's classroom, reacting as he had to that whip on so many occasions. "Stay out of this!"

Naimei nodded, averting his eyes and looking off into the distance. Confusion circled Soubi's brain.

"If you are the Sentouki… why does he take your orders?"

Nisei laughed. "Stupid, stupid Soubi. We're not like other teams." he slammed his heel into Soubi one last time, looking a bit put off when he failed to show any reaction, and kicked Soubi square in the face. Soubi felt his lip split, the blood warm as it trickled down his face and chin, soaking into the bandages around his neck. "How does that feel, you filthy impostor?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Agatsuma." Nisei leaned down and slid one finger under than bandages on Soubi's neck. "Don't think I don't know the truth." With one fluid motion he ripped the bandages, and they fell away, exposing the carving. Nisei stuck a fingernail inside the curve of the O, slicing at the tender flesh inside the cut. Fresh blood dribbled out of the cut, and Soubi clenched his teeth once more. "I know Seimei had to give you this name because you're not really Beloved, you dirty thing. And I know how much it must hurt to know that he's not really yours, and that he will _never_ love you." and with that, he kicked Soubi viciously in the side of the jaw.

"That's quite enough," said a cold voice from somewhere nearby. "If you're finished brutalizing my Sentouki, perhaps we can begin a proper spell battle."

Nisei's eyes lifted to look toward the figure that stepped into the clearing, a cryptic expression overtaking his features. "Aoyagi Seimei," he said, sounding demonically pleased. He stepped away from Soubi, who looked over at his Sacrifice, drawing nearer to him.

"Seimei…"

"What are you doing on your back like a dog, Soubi? You're embarrassing. Get up."

Soubi immediately hurried to his feet, desperate to please Seimei. He swayed several times before he got his balance. His jaw and lip throbbed where he had been kicked, and he could feel the ache in his stomach and the blood trickling from his neck, but he ignored them and stood beside his Sacrifice, taking in the sight of that beautiful face, absent from his world for so long.

"I wondered when you would show up," Nisei said, smiling unpleasantly at the taller boy. "It's a cruel thing to allow your Sentouki to suffer so much pain."

"What I allow my Sentouki to suffer is none of your business," Seimei hissed. "And I didn't come here to talk to the likes of you. I declare this to be a battle of spells."

"We accept," Naimei said, stepping forward beside Nisei.

In the coldness of the park, the very air changed, charged with a sense of energy, a very palpable feeling of power that stirred Soubi's senses as it always did, preparing him internally for the battle in the most subtle of ways. He took one look at Seimei and breathed deeply.

_You are my Sacrifice. I will not lose this battle. For you, I can do anything. _

"Sentou system, on!"

It was different this time, different than before. He felt the light, the power, fill his body with glowing warmth. But this time, like Seimei, it found release, gleaming out from the shapes of the letters carved around his neck. There was a more powerful, more confident feeling to it, as though his energy could freely bond with his Sacrifice's, as though they could finally fight as one. It was a blissful feeling. When he looked at Seimei, he wasn't looking at him across that small distance between them… he was merely seeing him, so close despite the air that separated them.

"Hit them first, Soubi. Don't give them the first strike," Seimei's calm, collected voice met his ears, so skilled in giving commands. He complied quickly, his eyes darting around to search for something to use as inspiration. The streets lamps. Glass.

"Glass, turn into knives and pierce their flesh a thousand times," Soubi said, lifting his hand and pointing it at the opposing team to maximize the effect. The glass in the panels of the street lamps shattered and every shard turned sharp points in the direction of the other team, flying forward with startling velocity and slicing into Naimei's flesh with all the accuracy Soubi had hoped for. Naimei quivered slightly but held in all reaction with the measure control Soubi had learned over countless years of training.

"Hmm, you're good," Nisei said with a sneer. "I've heard about you. Too bad you didn't count on facing us." he pointed a single finger at them. "Blades of grass, deadened by cold, turn into blades of steel and cut the flesh away!" the grass flew in a whirlwind around Nisei before flying toward Seimei, lifting the strands of long black hair in a halo around the Sentouki's head.

"Soubi, defense!"

"Defend! Nothing can touch us; damage will not be inflicted!" the grass stopped short of Seimei and fell harmlessly to the ground. Soubi retaliated before Nisei could strike again. "Fallen leaves, abandoned by the trees, become alive again. Become sharp as needles and leave no flesh unharmed!" the leaves lifted in a swirling torrent and hurled themselves toward Naimei.

"Deflect!" Nisei shouted, whipping an arm in the direction of the leaves and stopping them in their tracks. "Send their own attack back, multiply damage one hundred times, allow no defense!" Blood leaked through the bandages on his finger, the flow becoming increasingly rapid as the battle raged.

The leaves flew back in Soubi's direction, hitting Seimei and opening gashes in his pale skin, red blossoms blooming across his body. Soubi gritted his teeth.

"I see you're wounded, Aoyagi. Restriction!" Nisei hissed, and the chains broke out around Seimei's neck, sending him to his knees as he clutched them.

"Seimei!"

"Do not become distracted, Soubi. Just fight." Seimei's hands tightened around the chains as he looked fiercely up at his Sentouki. "Don't show any more worry for me; do your job as my fighter, and only your job!"

His energy fueled by Seimei's orders, Soubi turned his attention back to the opposing team. Nisei's smile was confident and slightly unpleasant. He gathered himself. "Wind, turn bitter cold and freeze them to the point of breaking! Strike with daggers of ice; then restrain them!"

The wind gathered around them, hitting Nisei and Naimei with its gusts and cutting their flesh with the sharp points of ice it carried. Several points hit Naimei's wrists, and the restraints appeared, glowing softly white-blue and chaining him to the ground. As the blood dripped from his face and hands, Naimei made an obvious effort to hold back the evidence of pain. Nisei didn't seem at all phased by the heavy attack. His finger was beginning to drip blood now, and he raised his eyes to meet Soubi's across the distance; one eye gold and one brown, meeting Soubi's blue ones. There was almost a look of gloating in them, as though the battle was finished, as though Nisei had already triumphed.

"I'm getting tired of you, Agatsuma Soubi!" Nisei's eyes glinted with a wicked light for a moment, making him look far older than he was. "Stars above, glinting with your cold light, each beam of light will become a cutting edge and slice too deeply for salvation! Cut to the bone and bring them death!" Nisei's arm made a neat arc above his head as he shouted the words. "Absolute victory!"

From above the stars came, glittering dangerously, tiny points of lethal sharpness, heading in the direction of Seimei, who still knelt on the ground, clutching his chains. They were heading toward his Sacrifice, and Soubi had no time for words, no time for defense.

Agonizing thought flew through the Soubi's head at an amazing speed, and before the attack could hit Seimei, the Sentouki threw himself in front of him, his body making a shield for the younger boy at the last possible second. And then the attack hit.

Soubi had never known so much pain at once, and for the first time in years, he cried out in earnest. The points of sharp light sliced deeply into his flesh, several of them hitting the bone. Fresh blood burst forth from the places they hit, pouring out rapidly. He was struck dimly with the fact that he had never bled this way before, and it didn't surprise him. This pain could be compared to nothing… not being carved by Seimei, not being whipped by Ritsu, not to the crushed bones in his arm cutting into his muscle after the car accident that had killed his parents. And there was that carving on his neck, bleeding again, bleeding at his disobedience of Seimei's order.

The light cut deeper, burning him, aching him, every inch of his body filled with complete and utter burning agony. It was more than he could bear… he couldn't stand another second. And then Soubi was falling, down into some empty, blissful darkness, the pain fading from him as the darkness overtook his world.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Just as Soubi is a blank Sentouki who can be paired with any Sacrifice, Naimei is a synthetically created one and can act as Sentouki or Sacrifice for any partner, having been genetically engineered that way. Since Nisei's name is Beloved, he and Naimei use the alias "Nameless" to hide the truth, particularly from Seimei and those associated with them.**

**Given Naimei's last name, the circumstances of his creation aren't exactly a mystery. **

**I was so happy to find out that Nisei's Name being on his finger is canon ;D**


	9. Ban me no Tsumi

**Disclaimer: I really wish I was Yun Kouga. But I'm not. So I own nothing. Don't sue me. **

**Thanks for the reviews, yet again. I'm annoying, I know. Tomorrow is Soubi's birthday! I'll be sure to do a special update for it. **

**Pimping: I started a Loveless community on livejournal. There's a link to it in my profile if anyone wants to do the sacred act of joining and laughing maniacally under a full moon.**

**I don't recommend reading this chapter without some music playing. Ideally something from the Loveless soundtrack, or possibly "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl if you have it. **

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

_I cried out with no reply_

_I can't feel you by my side_

_So I'll hold tight to what I know_

_You're here…_

_And I'm never alone_

The slight weight felt like the world lying on his face.

And it tickled.

Trying to ignore the dull throb of pain that covered his body like a heavy blanket, Soubi struggled for the ability to open his eyes. He knew it was there, somewhere in that darkness, the will and power that would contract those tiny, delicate muscles and pull the eyelids up to reveal the world to him. But he was so far away.

As consciousness came in closer, Soubi was aware of cold. It was freezing; he could feel the wind on his face and on his body, stinging and then numbing the places where he could instinctively feel his blood escaping. It was as though energy drained out of those wounds as well as the fluid, energy and warmth, and left him closer and closer to becoming the cold shell he was destined to be. He could not succumb to this powerful need to die, however. He was Seimei's Sentouki, and that in itself made him worthy of surviving.

_Seimei…_

Seimei was close to him then, closer than death could ever be, and he felt his body moving, shifting under the power of his muscles, and finally his eyes eased open to stare blankly up at a black night sky.

The small weight on his face was a dead leaf; he could see it out of the corner of his eye. He was aware of more of them, as well. The wind was loosening them from the tree branches high above, most of them still green but a few the dead, golden shade of autumn. They fluttered easily past him, riding the wind into the distance, while his own body, wracked by pain and listless from cold, refused to move.

Soubi concentrated on his arms first, the subtle movements of his fingers dulled by the cold and by the all-encompassing pain he felt, but finally he managed to force them into stretching out to grasp at the dry grass, and then his arms followed, bending subtly, and he knew that he had once again eluded the worst possible outcome of the battle.

_Seimei…_

The darkness of the park was broken by the soft light of that freezing moon above him, and he stared at it with intense purpose as though it was looking back, as though it could see him there, belly-up in the grass like a dying animal.

_Give me strength…_

Looking around him, he was sure he was alone. He had no idea where either Seimei or their opposing team had disappeared to, all he knew was that in the silence of that bitter solitude, something inside of him changed. Something grew, tiny and barely noticeable, barely even comprehendible by Soubi himself. But it was there, burning like the heat of a battle within his very core.

_This is the last time…_

Slowly, Soubi used his arms to push himself into a sitting position on the grass. The dead blades around him were stained crimson, and it was odd to see his own blood so detached from him, turning the ground a brilliant scarlet that stained his hands where they held him up. The blood also covered his clothing and skin in various places, particularly around a deep cut in his shoulder, over which his jacket was torn. He shook his head at the fact that he was going to need to buy yet another jacket, and then he slowly, shakily put out his legs, his feet finding the ground, giving him balance. And then he stood, not steadily, not proudly, but it was something.

He was wounded far more extensively than he had realized while lying on the ground, and now, on his feet, the impact of Nisei's attack became fully clear. His limbs were cut in various places, and one on his upper arm looked like it reached the bone. His torso and abdomen were also damaged, and his left cheek was a shallower cut on it from what seemed like only the edge of one of the beams of light. The blood leaked freely from the openings in his body, and just the sight of it dripping, going to join the already substantial stains around his feet, was enough to make him feel lightheaded.

_You will remain conscious…_

Keeping his eyes locked forward, Soubi began to move. First one foot, then the other, one in front of the next, a slow and steady pattern that kept him going. His eyes stayed straight ahead so he wouldn't catch sight of that blood dripping without restraint from his body, leaving him as petals of flowers in gardens around him drifted away, disconnected, a secondary, insignificant thing once detached from their place.

_This truly is madness…_

He swayed heavily as he moved, each step a great labor and yet so tiny an accomplishment, moving him gradually toward home, on a quest to reach his haven before bloodloss took his consciousness and made him its own. Soubi would not succumb, could not succumb, though he struggled with each pained step to retain consciousness. He would not become a victim of his own wounds. He would surpass them, unleash some buried strength within. He _would_ overcome. He was Seimei's Sentouki, and Seimei was God. For his God, he could overcome all trivial human obstacles. He could become more than human.

_You __**will**__ stay awake, Soubi…_

His own words did far less than Seimei's did to reassure him, and so he imagined them in Seimei's voice, that demanding, often harsh voice of his. He imagined them gentle, he imagined them comforting and reassuring, in a way Seimei would never speak to him. He imagined Seimei speaking to him that way, speaking from inside of him, giving him strength.

_You will not lose consciousness, Soubi. You will overcome…_

Gritting his teeth, Soubi walked carefully forward, taking measures not to stumble, not to show weakness. His strength grew subtly as he walked, and though he lost more blood by the second, he stepped farther past his limitations with every step, became more of the Fighter Seimei wanted him to be, less of the worthless butterfly that he had always been.

It may not have started out this way, but this forced, wounded walk home… this was a journey. It was a journey Soubi alone had to make, to understand the things he had never fully been able to grasp, and to truly become what his destiny whispered to him as he lay between the sheets at night, moments from sleep.

_Each step brings me closer to you…_

His home was in sight now, just ahead of him, its lights still glowing brightly through the windows. He walked slowly toward that safe refuge, one hand clamped tightly over the wound on his shoulder, paying no mind to the blood the leaked between his fingers. He breathed deeply and smoothly as he took those final steps, up onto his porch, pried open the door, and his journey was finally complete.

He fell to his knees just inside the door after closing it behind him, still clutching his shoulder and clenching his teeth. Away from the numbing night air outside, the wounds were even more painful, and it took sheer willpower to keep from letting any sign of his pain escape.

"You made it home, Soubi."

He looked up from his distracted agony to see Seimei standing before him, looking horribly tall despite his actual height when he had such a serious look on his face and with Soubi kneeling before him.

"Seimei…"

"Do you understand now, Soubi?"

"Seimei, I-" he cut off quickly and clenched his teeth to hold back a stray yelp that found its way up his throat.

"You have disobeyed me. Your very wounds, and my leaving you to fend for yourself and deal with them alone; those are the consequences of your disobedience. I am not your Sacrifice." Seimei knelt before Soubi and leaned so close their noses nearly touched. "You are _my _Sentouki. And I will not tolerate disobedience from you again. Next time, there will be consequences that could be permanent. Have I made myself clear, Soubi?"

"Y-yes, Master," Soubi said softly, squeezing his closed and breathing deeply to hold back any reaction to the wounds before his beloved Sacrifice. "Your will is my law."

"Good." Seimei stood up and looked down at Soubi for a moment, and then extended a hand. Soubi stared at it for a moment as though it was foreign… because indeed such a gesture was completely alien in their relationship. He looked slowly into Seimei's eyes, which held no clue to his intentions. And slowly, carefully, Soubi raised a shaking hand and closed his fingers around those of his Sacrifice. And miraculously, beautifully, Seimei pulled him to his feet. In those moments as Soubi hovered between the floor and standing, he marveled at that perfect balance between them, at the faultless equilibrium that balanced the fighting pair at these moments when they touched, and he could feel his very soul relax.

Soubi's blood dotted the pale wood of the floor as Seimei guided him across the room with a sense of protectiveness that he certainly hoped he wasn't imagining. Over to the bed, when Seimei left him to retrieve the first aid kit. And then Seimei was beside him, cleaning his wounds. It was beautiful to Soubi to watch… it was something Seimei had never done before, and it was intoxicating to see his delicate hands moving, disinfecting the wounds, putting in amateur sutures, wrapping the innumerable mass of wounds in bandages clean and white as snow.

"Seimei…" he whispered softly as he watched him delicately swab one of the deeper wounds on his arm. He was nowhere near as tender about it as Ritsuka was when dealing with the Sentouki, but coming from his Seimei, it was a start.

"What is it?" Seimei asked him distantly, somewhat distracted by his task.

"You're cleaning my wounds… you've never done this before."

"A Sacrifice, though technically the Master, still has some responsibility for the wellbeing of his Sentouki," Seimei said with resignation. "Just as you're going to learn to properly be my Sentouki, I should probably learn to be a fitting Sacrifice."

Soubi lifted his eyes slightly to look into Seimei's, not exactly sure of what the younger boy meant. "Seimei… do you mean-"

Seimei sighed heavily and slowly, very slowly, he rested one hand on top of his head. Soubi quivered beneath the touch, not sure whether to believe it or anticipate abuse, and Seimei gingerly moved his hand, stroking awkwardly at Soubi's hair. The Sentouki sat frozen, unable to take his eyes away from Seimei's face, unsure of what to think or feel. All he could focus on was that this was good; this touch of Seimei's made him feel whole in a way he had never even imagined. It was everything wonderful he had ever experienced rolled into one and multiplied by a thousand, magnified by the slightly soft look in Seimei's fierce eyes.

"I'm not saying I am going to act like a fluffy puppy this way again," Seimei told him, still petting lightly at his Sentouki's hair. "I'm saying that… from now on, I'll try to stop treating you like a dog and start treating you as my Fighter, do you understand?"

"Yes Seimei, I understand perfectly."

"It only means that instead of being disgusted by you, I'll learn to use you in battle. You'll be a tool to me, rather than something I feel disdain for. And I won't punish you that way again."

Soubi wasn't entirely sure how to reply. The words were cryptic, loaded with hidden messages, and could mean any number of things coming from this dark-haired angel of his who sat bandaging his wounds. But the words came, without any regard for what Soubi wanted to say, simply blurting the only thing that made sense to him at that moment.

"Thank you."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Excuse the boring chapter… I promise tomorrow's will be better.**


	10. Empty for Now

**Disclaimer: If I was Yun Kouga… I probably wouldn't write fan fiction for her work.**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOUBI! (hugs him) Today is our dear Sou-chan's day of birth :D I'm having some people over to celebrate (is a complete fangirl) Is anyone else going to do anything? **

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_You take the best part of me_

_And make me better_

_Even when we're not together_

_I hope this lasts forever_

Just a few more strokes…

Soubi delicately smoothed a touch of shadow over the edge of a tree branch with his brush and then stood back to examine it. And then he dipped his brush in the cup of lukewarm water beside him and smoothed it a bit more.

He was nearly finished with this painting, after nearly a month of it giving him trouble. It was a carefully constructed view of the city from his balcony at sunset, showing the rooftops in the distance and one single evening star high in the sky. Painting manmade things had never been his forte, and now that he was so close to finishing, he was falling back into his obsessive state of mind. Every shadow, every blend of color… it all had to be perfect. Nothing but absolute beauty in this painting would do.

Sighing heavily, Soubi pushed the glasses he wore back up onto his nose. He had only had them for a week now, and they still took some getting used to. They were a constant annoyance, but he could not allow them to get into the way of his painting.

Soubi stared into the canvas with intense focus, hunting for any detail he had missed, any subtle imperfection that could destroy it in his eyes. One hand scratched absentmindedly at his ear, smoothed his hair, tied up behind his head. In his quiet focus, the only thing that existed was that canvas, and that canvas alone. Even the paintbrush in his hand disappeared, and the palette he'd been mixing this colors on. There was only that painting before him, and the rest of the world ceased to exist…

"Happy Birthday, Sou-chan!!!!"

At the sudden intrusion, Soubi flew into a panic. The brush flew from his hand, bouncing off of the sliding glass door in front of him, and he toppled backward, missing his easel by inches and landing on the floor with a thud. He lay there in shock for a moment, staring up at the ceiling, and then looked over into the doorway, his body still trembling with alarm at the sudden noise.

"Hello, Kio."

"Sorry I scared you, Sou-chan," the blond knelt beside his friend and grabbed his arm to hoist him to his feet, setting aside the packages he'd been holding. Soubi shook his head and smiled at Kio as he got his balance.

"That's fine, Kio. I was just off somewhere else…"

"It sort of scares me when you're like that… I always worry you'll forget to breathe," Kio said earnestly, and for the first time that day Soubi allowed himself a sincere laugh.

"You worry too much, Kio."

"I know." a sigh. "I just… if anything ever were to happen to you, Sou-chan, I don't know what I'd do!"

Soubi, on the other hand, knew exactly what Kio would do. It was exactly why I wore long-sleeved shirts to hide the wounds from that fateful battle, which were still in the process of healing. If Kio anything ever happened to Soubi, Kio would fly into a mode of complete hysterics that made Soubi wish he could hold him tightly enough to take him back to their childhood, when everything had always been easy and they were always together, when they were constantly in trouble with Soubi's parents from sneaking cookies before dinner, and that was the biggest drama they knew.

"I know, Kio. But it's alright. I'm going to be fine." he stroked his friend's hair gently. "But you can't worry today. It's my birthday… that can be your gift to me; not worrying about me."

Kio raised an eyebrow. "Don't be silly, Sou-chan!" he indicated a wrapped present he had brought with him. "I got you a real present! And a cake, too!"

Soubi laughed again, the first traces of a warm smile slipping over his face. "Alright, Kio. Alright. Let's have some cake."

Delighted, Kio scooped up the boxes and grabbed Soubi by the hand, pulling him over to the kitchen table and depositing the smaller box on its surface before unwrapping it. The cake was small but beautiful, with pale blue frosting and tiny blue flowers weaving a delicate pattern around the edges.

"It's lovely, Kio."

"My grandmother made it. I helped a little with the mixing, but she made the flowers."

Yet again, Soubi marveled at the cooking abilities of the old woman as he stared at the cake. "That was nice of you two, Kio. But I wouldn't have minded if you'd just picked up a shortcake at the convenience store… you really didn't need to go to all this trouble for me."

"It's no trouble, Sou-chan! But we can't eat it yet." Kio gave him a very mysterious look and shifted his eyes to the left and right. Soubi smiled.

"And why is that?"

"Because we're not all here yet."

Soubi raised an eyebrow. "Kio… I told you that you should never invite people to my house without asking me first. Didn't I?"

"Well… yes. But I'm sure you won't mind this, Sou-chan! Really!"

Smiling slightly, Soubi crossed his arms. "Oh really?"

"Yes really!" Kio looked devious. "And besides… it's your birthday! It's special! So it's okay to break rules!"

Though today was indeed his birthday, yet again Soubi failed to see anything remarkably special about it. Sure, he as seventeen now. But what did that mean? Only a year left until Ritsu stopped supporting him monetarily, that was all. Ritsu had tried to persuade Soubi to allow him to support him until he turned twenty and officially came of age, but Soubi had refused. Eighteen would be old enough for him to start supporting himself. But being one year closer to being fully independent was the only thing that struck him about today.

Though he never let on to Kio, Soubi had not fully enjoyed a birthday since he was five years old. Something about that magic had disappeared with his parents, and it was something he was careful to hide every year when he and Kio had cake and chatted about how Soubi was 'old'. He vaguely remembered birthdays when he was very small… how his parents would always make him whatever he wanted for breakfast, even if it wasn't healthy, and how Kio and his mother would come over to celebrate. Soubi's parents, mostly acting on the wishes of his father, made a far bigger event out of Soubi's birthday than most people he knew. On his birthday, he had always felt like things were different, magical, special. And now they were just the same as they were every day, and the feeling of magic was as dead and gone as the flowers of summer.

It also didn't help that the night of the accident had been his fifth birthday.

"Are you alright, Sou-chan?" Kio asked, squinting at him. "You look sad."

Soubi perked immediately. "Of course I'm alright, Kio. It's my birthday… why would I be sad?"

Kio looked at him solemnly for a moment before grabbing Soubi in a hug. Surprised, Soubi stood still for a moment before hugging the shorter male back, resting his chin in the comfortable place on top of Kio's head. "I'm sorry, Sou-chan."

"Why?"

"You know."

Soubi nodded slightly and gave his best friend a squeeze. This person knew almost all of his secrets… had seen him in every vulnerable time in his life, and always done everything he could to help. Soubi was suddenly aware of just how lucky he was to have a friend like Kio, and instinctively clung to him tightly like a frightened animal.

"Are you alright, Sou?"

"Yes. Kio… thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"For everything, Kio. Thank you so much." Soubi planted several kisses on top of his head and then drew back. "I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Sou-chan," Kio said, sounding slightly overwhelmed and patting Soubi on the back.

Soubi grinned. "So who exactly did you invite?"

"If I tell you, it'll ruin the surprise!" Kio wagged a finger at him.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry Kio, I won't try to ruin the surprise again."

"Good!" Kio smiled and pulled two lollipops out of his pocket. "You look cute in your glasses, Sou-chan."

Soubi chuckled. "Really? I thought I looked a bit silly." he took one of the lollipops and pulled off the wrapper, popping the sucker into his mouth. "I'm glad you think so." he looked up at the sound of a knock on the door, and Kio nodded at him. "Alright, I'll get that."

He certainly hoped it was no one embarrassing, still being in his painting smock with sunset colors smeared over his cheek from all the times he had reached up to scratch it. "Come in," he said automatically before looking up, and then his eyes came to rest on the figure and his cheeks automatically flushed pink underneath the small smudges of paint.

"Happy birthday, Soubi."

**XXX**

"How did you do it, Kio?" Soubi asked his friend softly. He was cleaning up the plates he, Kio and Seimei had used to eat the cake, and Kio stood looking on, offering to help every few seconds and smiling.

"I just found his number in your address book while you were out and called and asked him to come."

"In your case, I'm guessing it was more like begging," Soubi told him affectionately. Kio shrugged.

"Maybe, but in the end he agreed to come, didn't he?"

"Yes, you're right. Thank you for this, Kio."

"Don't mention it, Sou-chan."

Soubi couldn't help but smile at this… he knew that Kio resented Seimei greatly, both for taking Soubi's attention away from him and for causing Soubi physical and emotional harm. The fact that Kio was willing to interact with him for Soubi's sake made something about this day feel a bit more special… almost the way a birthday was supposed to feel from what he remembered.

"What now?" Soubi asked, walking past Kio and into the living room, when Seimei sat on the sofa examining his hands. "What should we do?"

"You have to open your presents now!" Kio said excitedly, jumping onto the couch next to Soubi as he took a seat beside Seimei. Kio grabbed the package he had brought from the floor beside his feet and handed it to Soubi. "I got you something you needed this year… since you're so practical and all."

"Thank you, Kio." Soubi carefully opened the box under Kio's watchful eye. Inside was a coat, made of soft purple material and trimmed with what looked like fur. Soubi remembered his jacket, torn in so many places in the last battle, and smiled gratefully at Kio. "Thank Kio, it's lovely."

"It's not real fur, it's a combination of faux fur and marabou, but it feels just as nice. Try it on," Kio insisted, poking him. "I want to see how it looks."

Soubi stood, holding the coat in both hands, and slowly slid his arms through the sleeves. The coat almost reached his feet, and he felt a bit silly in it, but it felt nice against him, hugging his form comfortably, its softness welcome against him.

"You look like a pimp," Kio informed him, winking and giving him a thumbs up. "It looks nice."

Soubi twirled slightly, feeling the coat swish around him, and at that moment he looked up to find Seimei smiling at him. It was quite a shock, but he gave him a large grin back, and Seimei stood then and moved over to him. He held out his hand, a small tissue paper package traveling from his fingers to Soubi's. "Happy birthday."

Inside the tissue paper was a necklace. It bore a heart-shaped locket charm, and engraved in the front (probably by Seimei himself) was a single word.

_Beloved._

Soubi slowly raised his eyes to meet those of his Sacrifice, whose expression was far warmer than usual. "Thank you, Seimei." He leaned forward against his better judgment and kissed Seimei's cheek. To his surprise, Seimei did not recoil.

"You can put whatever you want inside… it's empty for now."

Feeling like a sentimental schoolgirl, Soubi clutched the locket against his chest, smiling far wider than he could remember smiling in ages.

It was the best birthday he could remember.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Such fluff! 8D**

**I probably won't be updating until Monday or Tuesday… I've got a busy weekend ahead of me, so see you all next week!**


	11. Luck

**Disclaimer: I'm still not Yun Kouga! Why oh why?**

**Thanks again for the reviews, guys! I love you all. Sorry I didn't update for so long… I was seduced by the joys of digital painting all week.**

**Yesterday was my birthday! I'm 19 now… only one more year before I catch up to Soubi XD**

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_A memory gilded in red and gold_

_Beauty guarded and never sold_

_I keep it with me wherever I go_

_And I love you still_

_No matter how the story will unfold_

The thing about glasses was that you could never get them to stay in place when you wanted them to.

Grumbling softly, Soubi pushed them back up onto his nose and brushed strands of his hair behind his ears. His hair was growing too fast for his taste; it had passed his chin and was now hanging down somewhere around his neck. It didn't bother him as much as it could have, because the weather was getting constantly colder and it was just that much more protection from the wind. The purple coat Kio had gotten for him was more than warm enough to keep out the chill, but between it and his lengthening hair and those glasses, Soubi felt like a completely different person when he looked into the mirror. Someone significantly more mysterious, as Kio said. But all he felt was ridiculous, and he certainly hoped he would grow into the overly-large coat soon.

Soubi sighed and tucked more hair behind his ears, exposing them to the wind, but that didn't matter. Today was surprisingly warm for October, and the sun was shining through the leaves that still remained on the trees, creating a perfect atmosphere for his work. He bent carefully over his sketchbook, moving the stick of yellow pastel delicately to capture the graceful curve of each golden leaf he showed on the paper falling from the trees to rest before him on the sketched ground.

The park was blissfully empty today, and Soubi's concentration deepened as he sat in the silence of the cool afternoon, moving the pastels until he _became_ them, closed the distance between art and artist and simply created, the window between he and what he created nonexistent, the world flowed around him, completely out of his concentration.

"Soubi!"

Soubi jumped slightly and looked up, willing himself not to fall off of the bench, and steeled himself for the small figure that came barreling into his arms. Ears tickled his chin as he was hugged tightly, a small head buried against his chest.

"Ritsuka…" he said in surprise, petting absentmindedly at the soft black hair as the young boy hugged him.

"Where have you been, Soubi?" the eight-year-old demanded fiercely against his chest. "You said you would call again, and you never did!"

Soubi smiled at patted Ritsuka's back. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I've just been preoccupied lately. I wanted to call you, I promise you. But you shouldn't be here, Ritsuka."

"Why not?"

"… Seimei doesn't want you to see me. Didn't he say anything about it to you?"

"No. Why wouldn't he want me to see you, Soubi?"

Soubi sighed softly, hugging Ritsuka back and marveling at the warmth and comfort the act brought him. "He thinks I'm a bad influence, I suppose."

"What does that mean?" Ritsuka pulled back a bit and looked at the teenager quizzically.

"It means that… he thinks maybe you'll become a worse person if you're around me, I think."

"Why would he think that? Soubi, you're a _good _person!" Ritsuka looked positively indignant at the mention of Soubi being anything else.

Smiling slightly, Soubi looked over Ritsuka's shoulder, unable to look him in the eye. "I'm not, Ritsuka. I don't know if I'm a _bad_ person, but I really don't think I'm a good one, either."

"Yes you are!" Ritsuka insisted, burying his face against Soubi's chest once more. "It makes me happy being with you, Soubi! I wouldn't feel happy around you if you were bad!" Ritsuka pulled back and looked up at Soubi's face. He was close enough for his nose to brush Soubi's and the sheer closeness was enough to make Soubi blush very slightly. "I really, really like you, Soubi!"

Soubi was slightly surprised, and pulled back a fraction of an inch, staring into Ritsuka's wide eyes. There was such bare intimacy in the stare the younger male gave him; the open, honest stare only someone so young could give, emotions completely unveiled. He had never been looked at quite this way before, and he had never shared a moment quite this intimate with anyone, as far as he could recall. "Ritsuka-"

"Is that bad?" the young boy looked extremely worried, biting his lip. His small nose brushed against Soubi's, and the slight, warm contact made his blush deepen faintly.

"Of course not," Soubi said, chuckling and patting him on the head as reality consumed him once more and the moment was gone, left with the rust and stardust of everything else left behind in favor of the present and that beautiful, strange intimacy dissipating into nothing. "I like you too. What would you like to do, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka smiled widely. "I don't know! What do you want to do today, Soubi? You must do a lot of cool stuff!"

Soubi laughed. "I don't know. I've just been drawing today."

"Really? Can I see?" Ritsuka gazed at the drawing that Soubi held up, and his eyes widened. "Wow, Soubi! That's really, really good! How do you draw like that?"

"A lot of practice." he rubbed Ritsuka's hair affectionately. "You can have it if you'd like."

"Really?" Ritsuka's tail twitched excitedly, but then he looked back at Soubi. "But… it's not finished. I don't want to take it before you can finish it!"

His words made Soubi smile down at the boy. "Alright then, I'll finish it, and then I'll give it to you, okay?"

"Okay, Soubi! And I'll draw something for you, too! I'm not very good… but I'll try!"

"I'm sure you're very good, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka beamed at him and then grabbed his arm. "Come on, let's go!"

Soubi chuckled as he closed the sketchbook, sliding it into his bag, and replaced all of his pastels back into their box before sliding them into the shoulder bag as well. "Where are we going, Ritsuka?"

"I don't know… maybe we could take a walk or something!" Ritsuka suggested, grabbing Soubi's arm again. "That would be fun!"

Beaming at the younger boy, Soubi nodded. "Alright, Ritsuka. That would be nice." he picked up his bag and slid it over his shoulders, shaking the hair out of his face and feeling the cool air brush over his skin as he did so, soothing his senses.

"Um… Soubi?"

"Yes, Ritsuka?"

"Can I ride on your back?" he asked meekly. Soubi laughed softly.

"Of course, Ritsuka," he answered, leaning down. Ritsuka laughed and climbed up Soubi's back, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding himself up until Soubi reached back and hooked his arms through Ritsuka's legs. "Where do you want to go?"

"Um… I don't know!" Ritsuka settled his cheek against the back of Soubi's head, making the older man blush. There was such a tenderness in the way Ritsuka's face pressed against him, a tenderness that was still so foreign in his relationship with the boy's brother, despite the progress they had made lately, and its effect on him startled Soubi slightly. "Where do _you _want to go, Soubi?"

Soubi shrugged slightly, smiling happily though Ritsuka couldn't see his face. "How about you pick, Ritsuka? It can be your day, alright?"

"Okay!" Ritsuka said excitedly, the happiness in his voice extremely evident. "We could go… that way!" he pointed in a random direction off through the trees.

"Of course," Soubi replied, and he started forward in the direction Ritsuka had pointed. Moving with the child on his shoulders was far easier than he had expected it to be, and he walked effortless across the grass, speckled with fallen leaves. The wind was cool, and it picked more leaves from the branches of the trees, capturing them in a thin flurry of the dancing autumn fairies as they moved through the park.

As Soubi carried Seimei's younger brother on his back, he was struck with the sudden realization that he was completely happy. That magical moment, frozen in time for him then, was almost hard to believe. Here he was, away from his Sacrifice and instead engaging in childish fun, and he could feel no dark burden pulling at his heart then. There was nothing to dampen the strange, carefree feeling that being near Ritsuka brought him, and though he could find no reasonable explanation for it, Soubi allowed himself to be enveloped by it like warmth, away from the drama and complications of his usual life. Nothing but this moment existed, caught up in a strange bittersweet world where somehow, Ritsuka was the only thing that mattered.

He became aware that Ritsuka was moving then, holding onto Soubi with one arm, the other outstretched. He laughed softly. "Ritsuka, what are you doing?"

"Trying to catch a leaf," the other explained simply. "Seimei says that if you catch a falling leaf in the autumn, it'll bring you good luck."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Seimei says it's because even though there's lots of them, every leaf is special and unique, like stars and snowflakes. Just like it's lucky to see the first star at night… or catch a snowflake with your tongue. You should try to catch a leaf, Soubi!"

Smiling softly, Soubi shifted one arm under Ritsuka's bottom to keep him from falling and lifted the other. "Alright," he complied, reaching his slender fingers into the air. His eyes focused on a leaf drifting past him. Quickly, his hand darted out, and he caught the leaf between his fingers. It was lovely; a bright golden yellow, thin and delicate, and roughly the same size as his palm.

Ritsuka peered over his Soubi's shoulder at the leaf. "Good job! You're lucky, Soubi!"

Soubi smiled, feeling the warm pressure of the young boys' arms around his neck, an embrace more tender than anything he had ever felt. "Yes Ritsuka, I really am."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Is it really lucky to catch leaves? I don't know. **


	12. F a k e

**Disclaimer: I'm not Yun Kouga. If I was, I probably wouldn't need to buy her manga. **

**I was thinking about ending this at the previous chapter, but I recently found out that Fenya is translating this into Russian for people to read, which made me really happy and excited me! I'm happy that my writing is being read in two languages now! So, this has gotten me excited enough to continue this story the way I should have months ago XD**

**Sorry for the lack of updates… I've been working on my novel for Tokyopop (ironically, it's titled "Beloved"), so I've been neglecting everything but by ficlets as of late. But, now I'll try to update more regularly again.**

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It wasn't really clear what it was that day that set him off. Things had been going so well for the past few weeks. Soubi's skin was almost devoid of bruises, save for the old faded yellow ones that were disappearing with time and leaving only memories in their place. And slowly, Soubi had lulled himself into a numb state of acceptance; things were really going to be okay. It was a bit calming and peaceful to be able to let go of the constant stress of what was going to happen at any given moment. And, as usual, he ultimately regretted this. This was the case with life. Security was a luxury only allowed for the young or the ignorant. Letting down one's guard, especially for a Sentouki, was potentially suicidal.

As he moved down the street, Soubi kept one hand clamped firmly around his throat, though he knew it was mostly futile. He could already feel the warmth of the blood leaking between his fingers, and with it came a feeling of helplessness. With each pulse of his heart against his hand, he could feel it growing stronger. It whispered _Obedience. Obedience. Obedience._ Just as the Name had when it pulsed its warm blood over Soubi's hand. _Obedience_.

Out there in the cool breeze with the throbbing pulse of his own blood pushing against his hand, passing somewhere vaguely close to the Aoyagi residence, Soubi wondered exactly how it was that his existence had really come to this. Looking back, he could not really sense a tangible turning point for his life other than the death of his parents, but he knew he was not weak enough to blame misfortune on such an event. He decided it was not a single turning point or event that determined his fate. It was a combination of any number of events, combined with the reactions he had to them, that had shaped his exact life and position today. The most notable of these events was that first meeting with Aoyagi Seimei.

Soubi could have chosen to go against the orders of those around him and refused to go with the young stranger. It would have resulted in punishment from Ritsu, but to be completely fair, he had enjoyed the punishment anyway, eventually; the pure eroticism of the tingle of the leather whip against the rapidly toughening skin of his back, the hard, intense set of his sensei's eyes as he drove the tool of punishment on and on.

He didn't mind. He could have walked away from Aoyagi Seimei that day. But something, some deep, forceful thing inside of him, told him he had to become this boy's Fighter. A deep, passionate need to prove himself worthy to Seimei had begun that very day. From the first time he laid eyes on him, he knew that he was completely prepared to become the very heart, soul, and mind of the eldest Aoyagi. And to be honest, he was happy now with his decision to serve the younger boy. He just wished the circumstances of their relationship could be different.

**XXX**

Ritsuka hated homework.

Glaring at the paper in front of him, the eight-year-old struggled to concentrate on the stupid autumn-themed word puzzle. He found it extremely difficult when the real autumn was directly outside his bedroom window; the golden leaves dancing past on their journey to the ground, the cool breeze that gave him an excuse to wear his new jacket, the crunch of dry leaves underfoot, and the smell of the leaves burning in the drainage ditch a few hundred yards behind the house.

Finally giving a sigh and succumbing to his desires, Ritsuka propped his chin up on his hand and stared out the window into the crisp, cool world outside. The pencil fell idly from his hand as he lost himself in thought, watching the leaves fall delicately by the windowpane. Everything outside the window was red and gold, contrasting the stark, clean world inside the walls of his bedroom, and he sighed heavily, wishing he could play in the leaves with Osamu instead of finishing the worksheet.

His eyes trailed carelessly up the street, as they moved, the caught sight of a single figure among the others moving down the sidewalk. It was that of a slender, earless teenager, blond hair dangling just above his shoulders and a pair of round glasses perched on his nose. Ritsuka didn't notice the slight drag that the blond walked with… the slow, deliberate pace that came from struggling to stay conscious. His ears perked up happily. "Soubi!" he said aloud, lifting his head from his arms. He stood up at his desk, his tail whipping happily about as he watched the older boy walking down the sidewalk. It had been a few weeks since he'd seen him that day in the park, and he missed him. _Maybe he came to see me._

But at that moment, all thought of anything else was pushed from his mind by the sound of the front door closing. "Seimei!" he shouted, turning around and darting out of his room and down the stairs. If there was anything he hated more than doing his homework, it was doing his homework without Seimei. Seimei always made it almost fun, almost like a game. It had been a miserable afternoon without him, and Ritsuka was overjoyed beyond explanation that he was home.

Seimei was barely out of his coat when Ritsuka barreled into his arms. Seimei chuckled softly as Ritsuka nestled himself against his brother's chest and sighed happily. "Where have you been all day, Seimei!?" he asked him.

"I was just taking care of some things, Ritsuka." Seimei rubbed Ritsuka's black ears affectionately. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's okay!" Ritsuka pulled back and smiled at his brother. "You're here now, so it doesn't matter!" he grabbed Seimei by the hand and began pulling him up the stairs. "I started making a collage for art and everything… I'll show you!"

Seimei chuckled appreciatively as he was dragged along by his younger brother. When they reached Ritsuka's room, the younger was still babbling excitedly, starting not to make much sense at all to Seimei, but he didn't mind. His brother's enthusiasm was refreshing after spending time with Soubi. The blond man was infinitely upset these days, his blue eyes slightly glazed over as he stared at him with an almost accusing expression.

_Why do you do this to me? _Soubi's eyes asked him constantly, burning with the dull fire of someone pushed to the brink. Seimei had beaten the will out of Soubi over the time they had known each other, beaten out all his hope of resistance, his desire to make a life of his own. He had beaten into his Sentouki the principle that Seimei was God. There was nothing outside of their relationship, and to be one with him, Soubi had to ignore all else. These were the things his fists told Soubi, the things the blade told Soubi as it cut across the soft flesh of his neck, reworking the letters there. B-E-L-O-V-E-D. The sound of the word spoke of ownership, of servitude. Ironic, given the true nature of the actual word. It was supposed to stand for love, but here in the small, brutal world he shared with his Sentouki, the word stood more for fear.

Training, as Seimei called it, had always filled him with a slight sense of guilt. He almost felt _bad_ for dragging his nails across Soubi's skin, for pounding fists into him again and again until he actually made the proud Fighter cry silent tears of confusion and bitterness. But the end result was worth it… to make Soubi his, to make Soubi obedient. And Soubi was obedient… terrified, it seemed, to step away from Seimei's will. Terrified to do anything that might displease him. Now and then, he had to remind him who was the one in charge. And periodically, of course, he had to refresh Soubi's memory of this with no prompting.

Of course, he told himself that it was because Soubi's memory needed refreshing, but beneath it all it was mostly resentment that made him do it. Because Soubi was not his true Sentouki. The Seven Moons had done its best to conceal this fact from him, to make up little lies to make it seem as though somehow he was, to make it less inconvenient for the both of them. But Soubi was a Blank Fighter, a disgrace in itself. And then of course there was the fact that that damnable Seven Moons was doing its best to keep Seimei from meeting his true Sentouki. They never let on, but Seimei was sure they were doing it. Soubi was an admirable Fighter, to say the least. But as much as he wanted him to be, he wasn't _his_ Fighter. Soubi lacked a Name, did not share Seimei's, and was therefore dirty and unworthy in his own way, despite his extraordinary (and still growing) abilities as a Sentouki and he nearly unwavering devotion to his Sacrifice. Soubi was, to put it quite plainly, a fake.

Nothing could excuse this in Seimei's mind, and the constant bruises that marked Soubi's smooth body were evidence of this. Because Seimei, as much as he hated to think on it, was unmerciful. Seimei was unforgiving. The only one who invoked his tender side was his younger brother, who at the moment sat before him, twittering on happily about his day at school and the various trouble he had caused for his teacher.

"And you'll never guess what we found at recess when we were over by the swing set!" the young boy produced a shed cicada skin in his hands, perfectly preserved. The thin, delicate membrane still held the shape of the creature it had housed the previous summer, and the dainty little cocoon rested in Ritsuka's palm as if it belonged there. "I remember you told me that they shed these in the summer… but now it's autumn and it was still stuck to that bush!" he admired his treasure happily.

"The creature who made it must have been very strong," Seimei told him, quickly shaking away his previous unpleasant thoughts and smiling at the excited boy.

"But it was just a bug!"

"Yes, but cicadas can be very strong when they want to be. And some are stronger than others, just like people. Some cicadas can even survive harsh winters because of their individual strength."

"Weird," Ritsuka chewed on his lip for a moment. "But isn't it pretty!? Osamu said I could keep it because she got to keep the bird egg we found last spring."

Seimei nodded. "Yes, it really is. Oh, Ritsuka, I brought you a present."

"Really!?" Ritsuka asked excitedly, his soft black ears perking up. "What is it!?"

"Not so fast," Seimei said with a soft chuckle, reaching into the pocket of his jacket and pulling out the gift. He held it out to Ritsuka, who took it from him as though it was a priceless treasure. "It's a digital camera," Seimei told the young boy with a smile. "It's so you can take pictures."

"Cool!" Ritsuka hugged the camera to his chest a grinned. "Thanks. Seimei!"

"I figured you might like it, since you've been having trouble remembering things lately. So you can take pictures of things and people you want to remember and print them off later. And then you won't ever forget them. It'll be like storing your memories for later."

Ritsuka's face took on a look of concentration. He paused, holding the camera up and looking at it happily, watching the light glint off of its smooth silver body, his brow slightly furrowed as though he was considering something infinitely important. And then he smiled.

"Making memories."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**If anyone got the symbolism with the cicadas, I will love them forever. **


	13. God's Will

**Disclaimer: I **_**still**_** don't own Loveless. I'll let you know if I do.**

**Just throwing this out there: would any of you be interested in beta reading future chapters of this? **

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Much to his own surprise, Soubi made it back to his home in one piece. He was surprised that he hadn't keeled over right in the middle of the sidewalk, given the substantial trail of blood that decorated the sidewalk behind him as he walked. He wondered with a bitter smile as he went to unlock the door if trails of blood were starting to become a telltale sign that he had been there. In the various times he'd been hurt in Seimei's "training", he could remember countless occasions when he walked home like this, dripping blood onto the pavement in that sick, warm trail of crimson flowers.

They were small splashes of various sizes, dark blotches of his own fluids that reminded him just how much he still had to improve if he was ever to be worthy of Seimei's affection. Because he knew that Seimei was his God, his will, and anything Seimei did had to be, of course, for good reason. If Seimei thought he needed improvement, he needed improvement. End of story.

As Soubi shakily fitted the key into the lock, he hummed softly under his breath to calm his nerves. He didn't like resorting to such small distractions… they reminded him of just how weak he was. And he didn't enjoy being weak. Being weak was inexcusable in Seimei's eyes, and Soubi wanted no part of the things that would distance him from his Master, especially not when so many subtle improvements had been happening lately. He knew that any normal person would not have noticed them, and if they had, they wouldn't have seen them as improvements. But Soubi was not a normal person.

No, Soubi was no a normal person in the least. Soubi was someone who had been infinitely marked by his desire to please his Sacrifice, someone who was so desperate to believe there was a chance that Seimei could feel the same frantic affection for him as he did for the younger male that he took what he could get. A twitch of Seimei's lips could be a smile. A mere glance in his direction could be a sign that he enjoyed his company. Soubi knew it was unhealthy to delude himself in this manner, but it made him happy for now. He supposed that at some point it would have to stop. But not now… not when he needed these delusions and not when he was starting to have to cling them to keep believing Seimei was still worth yearning for at all.

"Good evening, Soubi-kun."

Jumping slightly, Soubi's eyes shot upward into the confines of his house. The keys he had been holding flew from his hand and hit the wall with a loud, almost obnoxious jingle, jarring him to his senses as he realized that his home was not dark as it should have been while he was away and he was staring straight at a figure on the sofa… a figure who by all rights should not have been there.

"Ritsu-sensei," Soubi spat the words out with a mixture of shock and irritation clouding his mind. "What are you doing in my house?"

Ritsu didn't smile… he rarely liked to give the illusion of being a pleasant person. Instead, he merely looked at his former student with his customary stern stare and meticulously adjusted his glasses. "Visiting a former pupil of mine. Is that a crime, Soubi-kun?"

"Breaking and entering is," Soubi informed him delicately, regaining his composure. "And you have definitely done both." What he didn't understand was why Ritsu had bothered to lock the door behind him, unless the sole purpose had been to startle him. This sounded precisely like Ritsu, and it took a great amount of sheer willpower to keep the scowl from his face as he gave his ex-sensei a stern stare that rivaled the one he was currently receiving.

Ritsu chose not to respond. "You've grown," he informed the teenager. "And you've gotten glasses."

Soubi had no patience at the moment for hearing things he already knew, and he sighed slightly and removed his light jacket. Tonight had been warm for October, and he was grateful he had chosen not to wear the new jacket Kio had bought him… the blood certainly would have ruined it. "What could you possibly want?" he asked, his eyes wandering sideways to the window to meet the evening sunshine that slanted in soft rays onto the floor and cast a bright but almost comforting glow on the wood.

"Is it so impossible that I only wanted to see you?" Ritsu removed his glasses and examined them closely before looking back up at the teenager and fixing him with a look that told him directly just how adamant he was about not allowing him to back out of answering. Soubi sighed. The teacher was insufferable

"Yes. Yes, it is impossible. You completely neglect to contact me from the day I leave the school, and tonight you show up at my home on a whim and you expect me to believe you don't have ulterior motives?" Soubi slid the glasses back up onto his nose (they had slipped down during his fervent rant) and gave Ritsu a look that would have had Kiyoshi Okubo running for the nearest exit.

"You have far too little faith in me, Soubi-kun." Ritsu slid his glasses back on and raked his eyes over the teenager. "You're hurt."

"I know," Soubi murmured, unable to keep the edge out of his voice. "And I'm going to take care of it now, if you don't mind." he didn't wait for Ritsu's answer before turning away and heading for the kitchen, for the frequently-used first aid kit that still sat dutifully in its place on top of the refrigerator. He took his time away from Ritsu to recompose himself. He couldn't allow himself to be this shaken by seeing his former guardian, teacher, and occasional lover. The studious-looking man sitting on his sofa, with his chin-length silver hair cut neatly at his chin and his cold silver eyes that seemed capable of cutting steel was not nearly as formidable as he liked to believe. He was simply a jagged fragment of Soubi's past, and rather than flying to pieces, he would retain his equanimity and act like an adult.

This decided, Soubi ventured back into the living room with his first aid kit. Ritsu, unsurprisingly, sat exactly where he had left him. Without a word, Soubi took a seat beside him and opened the kit after removing the tatters of bandages that now hung off of his neck and around his slender shoulders, spotted with the blood that had run from the freshly reopened wounds.

"You seem much calmer now," Ritsu told him as he watched Soubi apply pressure to his neck, not seeming too desperate to stop the bleeding. The two sat in silence for a moment, and Ritsu could only determine that Soubi didn't want to speak to him. "Did Aoyagi Seimei do this to you?" he asked, though the answer was obvious even before Soubi's slight nod. "I still don't doubt that pairing you with Aoyagi was the correct decision to make. But I do hate seeing you hurt, anyway."

"No you don't," Soubi spat adamantly, reaching for the antibacterial cream in the kit. "You _love_ it. Don't think I don't know… don't think I didn't notice how much you enjoyed 'teaching' me. And we both know you would never admit a decision you made was wrong, even if it killed me. It would hurt your impeccable pride, _Sensei_," he spoke the last word sarcastically, bitterly, making it obvious so that Ritsu couldn't possibly miss it.

"That's not entirely true, Soubi-kun," the teacher leaned forward and took hold of a lock of Soubi's blond hair, twirling it delicately between his fingers and admiring its softness. For a moment, Soubi did a perfect impression of his younger self, eyes widening slightly at the attention as his cheeks blushed a faint pink, his graceful blue eyes staring straight into Ritsu's. And then he was back to normal, pulling away and making a small sound of irritation as he began to slather the ointment over his wounds. "I would never want you hurt by anything other than my own hand."

"Oh, so your motivation is purely your own selfishness?" Soubi said this with an air of utter calm, his eyes focused downward as he massaged the white cream gently over the fresh cuts on his neck and then moved on to the bandages, wrapping them expertly around his neck in that ritual he completed nearly every day. Ritsu watched with genuine interest for a moment, and then Soubi finished and Ritsu spoke.

"In a way. But mostly it's because I know exactly _how _to hurt you. I would never hurt you too severely, or too foolishly." he reached out a single finger to tenderly stroke the bandages on the Fighter's neck. "Now Aoyagi Seimei, he hurts you both severely," with his other hand he gestured to the rather obvious stains of blood that various wounds on Soubi's torso had left in his pale shirt, and to the prominent bruise on his face. "and foolishly," he gestured to the freshly wrapped wound that his finger still stroked gently.

Despite all he had been through, Soubi still felt an inexplicable need to defend Seimei. "How is it foolish?" he demanded.

"To cut up your Sentouki like he is a piece of meat… that is truly a foolish thing to do. To harm the one person who is to forever remain true to you is genuine foolishness. As a former Sacrifice, I understand this completely…" the older man paused to take in his former pupil for a moment, who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. "If a Sacrifice abuses his Sentouki for an extended amount of time, it is only conceivable that the Sentouki will turn their back on their Sacrifice. I can already sense this happening in you, Soubi-kun."

Something about this statement sowed seeds of anger in Soubi's stomach, deep and dark and knotted. He glared at the teacher in earnest. "I will _never_ turn my back on Seimei…" he as good as hissed, clenching his fists slightly. "All the punishment you inflicted on me was all to instill that purpose in me. I'd be a fool to ever even consider turning away from him, and you're a fool for even suggesting it."

Ritsu chuckled slightly, his lips curving upward in a smile. "You always have been strong in your convictions, Soubi-kun." this was the last sentence spoken before he kissed Soubi mercilessly, and though the teenager struggled to fight his impulses, he sank once more into that familiar, damnable kiss.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Note: Kiyoshi Okubo was an infamous serial killer who stalked Japan all the way from the mid fifties to the seventies. **

**I can't believe I didn't realize until this late into my obsession with Loveless that Ritsu-sensei's hair in silver, not blond. Wow, I can be so unobservant. So yes, I apologize for my earlier mistake on that subject. **


	14. Raito

**Disclaimer: Ha ha ha.**

**Another update. I'm sorry I don't do daily ones anymore… I'm spreading myself a little thin when it comes to fanfics XD I'll update this soon, though, since it's my favorite lovechild. **

**By the way, did anyone else hear the rumors that Kouga-sensei won't be putting out a chapter this month? I really hope it's not true. I needs me some Soubi action like wow.**

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The light was the only thing left in the empty house. And it was fading.

Soubi sat bathed in that fleeting light, watching the golden sunset gradually deepen, forming bit of orange at its highest point, picturesque and fiery. It was the perfect autumn sunset, and he sat on his knees before the sliding glass door, captivated by that raw and wonderful light. It was as though something inside of him held onto that light, clung to it even as it fleeted.

He supposed, even now, that he could still appreciate the significance of it. At all difficult times in his life, when the darkness threatened to ensnare him in its terrible grip, he had clung to light, to its last remaining beams of brightness and hope. And when night set in, he still had the memory of that light to cradle in his arms as he slept on a bed of his own worries. It had always been this way, and he could of course transfer the same sentiment to light that was not merely metaphorical, and was always sad to see it go. He loved the brilliant twinkle of a million stars overhead, but to Soubi darkness and night were often laced with fear and uncertainties and secret midnight spell battles that usually never ended well. Night was something mysterious and though he coexisted peacefully in it, there were certain times when its concept, though not its existence, troubled him.

Soubi was called from his thoughts by the chill of the rapidly cooling house against his bare chest, and he sighed softly as he dug his fingers into the buttons of his shirt, hurrying to close it and block out the draft for the few minutes of cold before the heater kicked in (he liked to have it off during the day unless absolutely necessary… it seemed like a complete waste of time).

As Soubi fumbled with the buttons, he couldn't ignore the tense little sense of disgust at himself that refused to fade at the back of his mind. After all these years, he was still so weak. Since the very first moment their worlds had collided, Soubi had been utterly powerless against Ritsu. Though he had believed at first that he had gained a little footing on the ground of defying him, he knew now that it had been little more than a delusion on his part. And as evidence of this, after all this time, he had still allowed him to make love to him. And he had still been unable to fight the intensely pleasant reaction he had to this, and was unable to stop himself from participating wholeheartedly. Just when Soubi thought he couldn't disappoint himself any more, he never failed to go and do something like this. It was starting to become unbelievable.

"Brilliant, Soubi," he muttered softly as he stared blankly into the violent hues of the setting sun before him. The sun seemed to set so much faster these days, he mused as he watched it. The sunset was now nearly entirely orange, with a bit of that lovely luminous gold decorating the edges of the horizon. He stared intently into the golden void until the dull humming and clanking of the heater turning on startled him and he came to his senses. He wouldn't get anything done if he sat here dreaming all night. He gave the fading light one last longing glance before moving away, into the kitchen to begin a small, uncomplicated dinner for himself.

He tried to stay distracted as he cooked, immersing himself in the noodles he stirred in the pot and the various spices he sprinkled over them to enhance the flavor even before adding the seasonings when they were fully boiled. He was mostly unsuccessful, his mind continuing to stray away from dull thoughts involving grocery shopping and when taxes were due and back toward the dark, wonderful world of Seimei, and back to his own indiscretions with Ritsu. He ate in silence on the floor, watching the last of the orange and gold fade into a dusky nighttime color, the very absence of color that descends where a sunset should be before the colors of the darkness fully overtake the sky. His mind leaped sporadically, changing direction constantly until his thoughts were jumbled enough to give him a slight headache. He glared into his empty bowl for a moment and then didn't bother fighting the urge to get up. It was about time to go for a walk.

The coat Kio had bought him was surprisingly versatile; he had worn it several days ago when the weather was relatively warm, and he hadn't felt overheated, while it kept him comfortable even in the relative chill of the distinctly autumn night. He was faintly aware of the pattern of blood he had left on the sidewalk earlier that day as he moved along, looking dark and grisly in the light of the street lamps. The blotches were dry now, and looked disturbingly macabre against the smoothness of white-gray pavement. He didn't even want to consider what people would think of the erratic trail of dark blood leading up to his front door. He found himself hoping for rain.

As he moved at his steady pace, keeping his hands deep in the pockets of the coat to keep out the autumn chill, he came to find that he was following that dark trail of blood he had left, like it was a trail of bread crumbs he had left to lead himself home, his one and only path to salvation. And so, by some force of strange, almost suicidal desire, he followed the dark spatters back toward the very place he had received them, egged on all the way by the wiry glow of the street lamps, by that light that seemed to embrace him in the darkness.

**XXX**

It was always at about this time that the guilt started to set in.

It was one of those rare times when Ritsuka wasn't with him. After taking countless photos of random objects around the house and innumerable shots of Seimei, the youngest Aoyagi had fallen asleep draped across his own bed with the camera in his hands. And this left Seimei with his solitude. Usually, solitude was something that he could treasure, something that he could enjoy. But at this moment, of course, everything about this solitude was wrong. The way it left him cold and affected, as though he was burning in an infinite hell of his own doubt. And it was one of those times…

It wasn't as though he _wanted _to feel guilty for hurting Soubi. Guilt was a hindrance, a burden that simply got in the way. But this guilt had a way of creeping in on its own. It would find him at times when he was unprepared, sneaking up behind him and wrapping its black tendrils around his mind. And it was nearly impossible to ignore. There were times when he swore it would be the death of him. It was all-consuming and bitter. It sickened him.

Seimei ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and tried hard not to think about calling Soubi. Calling him would solve nothing. He was stupid and deluded to think that to hear his voice and to know he was alive would ease his guilt. Hearing that voice would only _intensify_ the guilt. It sat now like a burning coal deep within the pit of his stomach, too deep to be removed. And so he merely stood rubbing at his temples and glaring intently at the cell phone that sat on the desk before him, completely convinced that not calling his Fighter had to be the best decision.

"Staring at it won't call me," a voice said softly from somewhere nearby, and he whirled around only to have the sight of Soubi meet his eyes… Soubi staring at him through the sheet of glass that made up the sliding door, out on Seimei's balcony with the long violet coat he wore shifting in the breeze.

Seimei wasn't entirely sure how to react to the situation at first. Looking blankly at the Fighter seemed to be the best option for the time being, and so he did little else as Soubi tapped politely on the glass, his blue eyes boring into him even though the barrier and asking _why, why, why_.

Finally, the eldest Aoyagi shifted, moving from his position and toward the sliding glass door. He opened it in a businesslike manner and Soubi stepped meekly inside, avoiding his eyes as he removed his shoes and let Seimei close the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he didn't care that it came out too coldly… he knew Soubi expected nothing but coldness from him, and it was something unspoken between them. There was rarely any tenderness in the relationship, and if there was, Seimei usually followed up with something brutal to make up for his recklessness in showing fondness for the Sentouki.

"I came to see you," Soubi still didn't look at him, and Seimei's eyes traveled over the fresh bandages on his Fighter's neck and the spots of blood that still dotted the shirt that he wore from earlier. Guilt hit him in a steady stream and he did his best to ignore it, focusing very hard on the bandages until they became nothing but a blurry white smear.

"What did you need from me, Soubi?" Seimei asked curtly.

"To see you…" Soubi sounded genuinely desperate. "Just to see you, nothing else. Please allow me that luxury." coming from anyone else, it would have been rude. But in Soubi's case, it sounded nothing but sincere and the Fighter finally looked up to meet Seimei's dark eyes with his own.

In the darkness of Seimei's eyes, a soft light shone that Soubi focused on intently. It wasn't a visible light, it was a light of strength, of an idea, of some event that had happened that day. Soubi was always above reproach at noticing the details of his Sacrifice, and this was no exception. He saw the light, watched it dance, and felt his heart ache because that light would never shine for him alone.

Seimei was the light that gleamed in his darkness, and Soubi was shaken with desperation at the thought. Seimei was his one and only light, and just like the brilliant sunset that had slipped from his grasp, he was slowly fading away.

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"**Raito", as most people probably know by now, is one of the Japanese words used to mean "light". Why did I choose that particular one for the chapter title? Two words: **_**Death Note**_** XD**


	15. Master and Servant

**Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless. Yun Kouga in all her glory does.**

**Woo! Thank you all so very much for your kind reviews! They make me feel joyous and inspired and filled to bursting with glee! You're all so amazingly nice and I love you all so much for making me want to write continuously for this fic until I'm completely dried out! (: Thanks you!!**

**Whew! This is a busy, heavy chapter. Finally, the turning point of the story, more or less. I hope you all enjoy it, and I'll try to update again really soon! **

**I love Nagisa so much! I really want to write a story just about her now. I'm cosplaying her at a con sometime this year too :3**

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As he always did when Soubi was in his home, Seimei felt slightly invaded.

It wasn't as though Soubi was causing him any irritation whatsoever; he just sat there on the edge of Seimei's bed, watching him surprisingly innocently with his startling blue eyes, his glasses sitting pristinely on his nose. He sat in absolute silence, watching his Master and waiting for him to speak. It was a bit overwhelming, especially considering the immense guilt that welled in Seimei's stomach.

"_Stop looking at me like that," _Seimei thought, trembling slightly. He averted his eyes from the blond and turned away, fixing his gaze out the sliding glass doors and into the darkness of the world beyond, a night that was cold and unfeeling and mirrored his expression as he stood solid as stone in the center of his bedroom.

"You're quiet tonight," Soubi said softly, cautiously. Soubi was usually cautious when he spoke to him, Seimei noted. He was nothing like the Soubi he had first met that fateful day when he was little more than a child compared to how much he had grown up now. That was a time back before Ritsuka had started to lose his memories, before their mother's 'illness' as Seimei liked to call it. Before everything, back when life was more warm and carefree and the present was merely a dark cloud floating on the distant horizon.

The first time he had seen Soubi, Seimei was nearly fifteen. He had arrived that day at Shichisei Gakuin with a head full of anticipation and his vision spinning with stars. _"My own Sentouki…" _he couldn't help but think feverishly as he was met at the front gates by one of the teachers who he had had limited conversation with in the past, Sagan Nagisa.

"Right on time," she told him with a scowl, as though this was a bad thing. But then again, her reactions to everything had always been a bit of a mystery to him. She led him toward the school through the bright sunshine with an air that was part authority, part carelessness. Seimei couldn't help thinking that she was the strangest teacher he had ever seen, with her long blue hair tied up in ribboned pigtails and her small body clothed in a fluffy black dress that reminded him of some sort of princess. Her feet were clad in shoes that reminded him of a little girl, and he felt strange following such a person to what was most likely the most important meeting of his life.

"I don't know what Ritsu could be thinking," she rambled on as they finished moving up the path through the grounds, where students milled about here and there and an array of butterflies clustered in the air, a blue one brushing close to Seimei and startling him. "I mean really, pairing you up so recklessly like this with no prior planning… it just isn't like him. I'm betting his had ulterior motives in this… he can never just be honest about anything!" they were already in the school now, and Seimei followed her obediently down the wide hallway just inside the front doors, half listening to her ranting and half watching the students that moved around them, remembering his own training here.

He had started at a very young age ("Better start now since there's no point in waiting until we find that Sentouki of yours!" was the way Ryuuzaki-sensei, one of his assorted tutors, had put it), visiting the school at erratic times and never actually moving into the dormitories or even feeling like a real student. His training had been thorough, of course, and he had become quite skilled in his craft. But it was slightly different from the way he had expected, and as he watched these students walking and talking to each other so casually, arms full of books, he felt a pang of envy. What he wouldn't give to feel like he really belonged somewhere.

His resentful thoughts were quickly quelled when Nagisa brightly announced "We're here!" and knocked delicately on the door to their left, opening it when they were met with a muffled voice giving them its consent.

The room was an office of sorts, with a teacher's desk, several waiting room style chairs and tables, and a large unshapely potted plant in one corner. Ritsu was standing several feet inside the door, and Nagisa smiled brightly at him as they entered.

"Morning, Ritsu!" she told him cheerfully. "Aoyagi Seimei is here!"

"So I see," Ritsu answered in a professional tone.

"Well aren't you going to _thank _me for bringing him here?" Nagisa asked, fixing him with a look. Seimei definitely wouldn't want to be on the other end of it.

"Why should I thank you?" Ritsu asked. "I never asked you to escort him in the first place. Don't act like you did some kind of big charity," his mouth twitched slightly, amused.

"Jeez!" Nagisa stomped one foot childishly. "Do you really have to be so rude? I was just trying to be nice!"

"Don't try to fool yourself. You didn't do it to be nice… you did it so you could get your nose into the scandal because you're an incurable snoop. And by the way, while we're on the subject of your eccentricities; what's with that getup? You look like some kind of oversized doll."

"Whatever," Nagisa muttered, turning away and heading out the door with an heedless wave of her hand and obviously trying to pretend that Ritsu's word's didn't affect her. "Have fun with your perverted little games then, Ritsu."

"You really shouldn't be so rude to her… you know it only provokes more childishness," a sudden voice said, calling Seimei's attention to the speaker. And that was the first time he laid eyes on the person who would more or less change his entire existence. Everything; the way Seimei had been, the way he had anticipated this to go, it all flew out the window and Seimei was left uncertain and metaphorically naked, staring wide-eyed at the intimidating and gorgeous blond teenager who stood slightly behind Ritsu. For a moment, he looked at Seimei, his intense blue eyes locking with his, and Seimei could have sworn he could feel his soul.

"And you should really learn your place, Soubi-kun," Ritsu said, though he looked amused and not really angry. He turned his attention back to Seimei and surveyed him for a moment. "Aoyagi Seimei. You've certainly grown since the last time I saw you."

Seimei, for the time being, was at a loss for words. Usually, he would be able to think of a cool and collected way to respond, but at the moment he could only nod very slightly and try to look Ritsu boldly in the eye. Ritsu looked amused again, something Seimei found immensely annoying, and then obviously tried to wipe the smirk off of his face before he continued. "Aoyagi Seimei, I would like you to meet your Sentouki, Agatsuma Soubi."

Their two world's connected at that moment, Seimei could have sworn, finding each other's eyes and refusing to look away. And for a moment, he was in awe. This was his Sentouki. This was the person who he would be bonded with forever. He knew enough from hearing bits and pieces of the conversations of adults in the building that Soubi was a blank Sentouki, one without a Name and without a true Sacrifice, and that he was not Beloved. But at the moment, Seimei didn't even care. All he cared about was the enormity of that moment, of the fierceness he could sense in his Sentouki that seemed to be a willing match for his own, and the subtle sense of fear in his passionate blue eyes. He was just as afraid of this union, of the vastness of this joining as Sentouki and Sacrifice as Seimei was.

This gave Seimei courage, and he forgot his awkwardness and moved over to Soubi, whose blond hair hung just past his chin, who dressed like a fashionable schoolteacher, who had the kind of air about him that told everyone around his firmly not to ask questions, and stopped right in front of him. He raised one hand and touched his pale, perfect neck lightly.

"I'll put the name right here," he said, looking Soubi straight in the eye. "It'll be like a necklace." Soubi smiled. And Seimei knew right at that moment that their lives as Master and Servant had officially begun.

It was hard to believe sometimes that the obediently, silent teenager who sat before him now was still the same person as that defiant, lively person he had met that day. Those fierce blue eyes were the only thing that hadn't changed since then. They still burrowed into him with their inescapable gaze, which he was faced with now as he turned away from the window. He had never imagined that Soubi would fall in love him, that he would turn to violence against him, and that things would become as twisted and as painful as they were now. The thought of the current situation made him want to be violently ill, and he could barely look at those eyes without feeling the sudden urge to crawl into a hole and die.

"Soubi…" he said softly, uncertainly, in a way he hadn't spoken to the blond in quite some time.

"Yes, Seimei?" Soubi was giving him his complete attention as he always did whenever Seimei spoke. Always compliant, always willing to do nearly anything to please him, to gain his approval, his affection. It was all just too much.

"…I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Soubi looked almost confused, as though he couldn't comprehend the word falling from Soubi's lips. And though Seimei didn't elaborate, didn't offer any further regret after those single two words, it was enough for Soubi. Enough for him to stand, to move over to Seimei and slide his arms cautiously around him, his desperation evident. _Hold me. Please, just make it better_. Soubi didn't say it, but it was all in his eyes as he looked at him.

"Please don't push me away," the Sentouki whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, and Seimei could have sworn he saw wetness at the corners, tears the older boy was afraid to shed. "Please just give me this."

The voice was so pathetic that Seimei couldn't bring himself to push him away. Not after that. The only thing he could do was lock his arms clumsily around his Fighter and rest his head on his shoulder, praying that he wouldn't revert to his usual unconscious ways, that he wouldn't push him away, wouldn't hurt him, wouldn't force himself to damage that ravaged body any further than he already had. _"You deserve better," _he couldn't help but think. _"You don't deserve this." _

He tried to will himself into a place where wouldn't react as he actually allowed Soubi to kiss him, to touch him, to be far too tender for his normal start to allow. On his bed in the darkness, watching Soubi's face illuminated by moonlight that flooded the room, he allowed him to put his mouth _there_, allowed him to violate all their normal rules. And consumed by foreign sensations and emotions and pleasures that he certainly shouldn't have allowed, Seimei finally made his decision.

It was far easier than he had expected, defying his need for power and everything else he had allowed himself to believe. _"My butterfly."_ But for once, something was more important. He actually stroked the blond hair tenderly as he sunk deeper and deeper into a world that would be hard to get out of after the few minutes this lasted. It hurt him in ways that surprised him, but he knew there was no other way. _"I'll set you free."_

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**Woo hoo, we almost got some smut in here! :fans self:**


	16. Autumn Ballad

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Loveless. **

**Thanks again for all the reviews, guys! There were SIX for the last chapter! Wow! I feel so honored that so many people like the story and I'll do my best not to disappoint.**

**This chapter is for Kiona and Natalie (AKA Kio-nana and Natsy-cake :3), whose poor kitty was hit by a car. I hope you guys feel so much better, and I send you hugs until I can see you again and actually hug you!**

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If possible, the sunlight that morning was far brighter than Soubi had ever seen it. The light that shone in through the windows and fell across his face warmed him, and he reached a hand up and grasped at the air, trying to grasp the beams of bright light where sparkling dust danced, uninhibited and whimsical.

Waking up in Seimei's bed was something that drastically changed the course of the morning. Never before had the Sacrifice allowed him to stay at his home for any extended amount of time, and there he was beside him now, sleeping soundly despite the fact that Soubi was beside him, tucked snugly under the covers. This day simply had to be magic. Normal days were not like this.

He watched Seimei sleep for a moment, marveling at the fact that he looked almost innocent when he was asleep, free from the evils of the world and free from his violent tendencies. It was almost easy to forget all of the cracks and pain in their relationship at that moment, all because of the serene expression and the ray of soft sunlight that fell across his face.

He knew it was Sunday, and he knew that Seimei would most likely sleep in this morning, and that he should take advantage of this and slip away unnoticed, but at that moment he couldn't bring himself to leave. This was a magical, peaceful world, removed from reality by its tenderness and the warmth he could feel even across the gap between them; Seimei's precious body heat. Even though the heat was slight, it warmed him and made him smile slightly. The top few buttons of Seimei's shirt were undone, and Soubi's cheeks flushed slightly at the memories of the previous night. The thought that Seimei had allowed him to go so far, step past all their unwritten boundaries both filled him with wonder and made me give an involuntary giddy smile.

Soubi was not foolish. He was not an idealist. He was realistic and practical, and he knew even as he lay underneath Seimei's warm covers that things would most likely not be good for very long. Their relationship was a constant, painful roller coaster, and no matter how wonderful things seemed this morning, reality was that eventually they would flux back to unpleasantness and leave him cold. But as hard as he tried to be realistic, at this moment it was impossible. The bed was too warm, the memories were too fair, and the sunlight was too bright. At this moment, just for the moment, he allowed himself to be consumed in optimism, closing one hand around the locket under his shirt, still neatly engraved with the word _Beloved_.

Seimei shifted slightly beside him and reminded him of reality, and of the fact that if he was still here when Seimei awoke, chances were it would rouse some unpleasantness. He gave his Sacrifice one last wistful look before carefully edging out of the bed, taking care not to wake him. He collected his shoes and slipped into them, throwing on his coat and slinging his bag over his shoulder as he made his way out the sliding glass door, closing it behind him.

It was always a chore trying to get down the lattice outside Seimei's window without slipping, and he was never exactly sure how he made it every time. Despite overwhelming odds, he slipped gracefully to the ground, his feet hitting the grass with a soft bump, and started toward home. He wasn't even to the edge of the Aoyagis' lawn when he heard a noise, loud and startling, and jumped slightly.

"Soubi!" he turned toward the direction of the voice and was surprised to see Ritsuka bounding toward him, his face lit up with a smile as he charged into a tight embrace, his tail waving happily in the air and those soft black ears twitching.

"Good morning Ritsuka," Soubi said with a smile, regaining his composure slightly and holding him tightly in the hug as the young boy nuzzled his face against his stomach, quivering all over with excitement.

"Did you come to see me, Soubi?" he asked eagerly, lifting his head and meeting Soubi's blue eyes with his large violet ones.

"Yes," Soubi lied lightly, giving the small boy a nod and smiling happily at the fresh wave of affection this produced. "How have you been, Ritsuka?"

"Great!" his face lit up as he held up a small silver camera. "Seimei gave me this! I've been taking lots of pictures, and it's really fun! How have you been, Soubi?"

The Sentouki thought on the question for a split second and was surprised to find that he could answer honestly without crushing the boy's good mood. "I've been fine, Ritsuka. I'm glad you've been having fun."

Ritsuka beamed at him. "Seimei said that taking pictures of things will help me because I have trouble remembering a lot of things. But if I have pictures of things, I won't forget them. It's… making memories."

Soubi nodded, though it didn't make as much sense as it could have. 'That's a good idea, Ritsuka."

The boy smiled widely, and Soubi wondered for the millionth time exactly how that warm, innocent smile could make him so much happier than anything ever had in his life. It made his entire body feel as though it was filled with sunshine whenever that amiable grin crossed the youngest Aoyagi's lips. And then suddenly Ritsuka was taking his hand, his small palm warm against Soubi's own as he pulled rather insistently on his arm.

"What is it, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka looked almost shy then, and Soubi couldn't recall him ever seeming that way before in the time he had known him. If left him wondering exactly what it was the raven-haired boy was going to say. His ears twitched slightly, and then he smiled up at Soubi.

"Do you… want to make memories with me, Soubi?"

"I would love to, Ritsuka." He knew that Seimei would most likely be displeased by the thought of Soubi spending time with Ritsuka, given his reaction the previous time. But somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to care. With Ritsuka, reality took a turn for the brighter, and it was as though he was transported into a whole different world. And somehow reality didn't really matter anymore.

"Okay!" Ritsuka's sense of tireless excitement was back again, and he closed his fingers around Soubi's as he led him onto the sidewalk. "Let's go!"

"Where are we going, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked, slightly amused as he watched the boy steadfastly move down the sidewalk, no longer pulling him but leading him as though he were a great explorer leading him on a trek to lands unknown.

"The park!" he exclaimed. "There's a lot of really pretty leaves there to take pictures of, and there's swans!"

"Swans?" Soubi asked, smiling quizzically down at him.

"Yeah! They're going someplace warm for the winter, but they landed in the park to rest, Seimei says! There's three of them! They're all big and white. I took some pictures of them already, but I want some more so I won't forget them!" it was hard not to get caught up in Ritsuka's excitement, and Soubi found himself looking forward to seeing the swans maybe as much as Ritsuka did. It was a crisp, cool November day with bright sunlight streaming down through the trees and taking a bit of the bite out of the chilly air. The trees were getting barer and barer now, and the ground was covered with leaves of intricate shades varying from yellow to red and everything in between, and Ritsuka pointed out the brightest ones and even snapped a few pictures of a select few as they drew closer to the nearby park. Ritsuka's feverish excitement, coupled with the brightness of the day were intoxicating, and Soubi found himself getting lost once more in the pleasure of being with Ritsuka, his fears and troubles slowly melting away.

"We're here!" the aforementioned exclaimed, tugging excitedly on Soubi's hand as they turned off of the sidewalk and into the dry, leaf-covered grass of the park. It was only them that Ritsuka released Soubi's hand and darted between the trees. Soubi watched him go with a smile, and after the boy had run around a few trees and was out of breath, he skittered back to Soubi, his feet crunching jovially on the dry leaves and casting the scent of autumn even more intensely into the air. When he reached him, he stopped, slightly winded, and held up the camera.

"Are you ready, Soubi?" he asked, a tingle of excitement coming from his voice and making Soubi feel it as well.

"Yes," he said with a smile, patting Ritsuka on the head. "Let's make some memories."

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**Sorry not much happened in this chapter! I'll try to make the next more eventful!**


	17. Shutter

**Disclaimer: YMCA, it's fun to stay at the YMCA…**

**And thus, the Septimal Moon arc begins…**

**Whew! I finally have my internet working again. Sorry for the lack of updates! I've been internetless :weeps: **

**This has nothing to do with Loveless, but I'm hosting scans of the manga "Princess Princess" if anyone wants to read it. The link is in my profile. 8D**

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Though it was getting to be later autumn, the park was still filled with children. They milled around the swing sets and through the carpets of golden leaves like fluttering butterflies. Watching them from a distance, Soubi felt slightly calmed, as though some temporary comfort could be taken in the joy of children playing in leaves. He had to pause for a moment and wonder if he had ever been so carefree before an insistent tug on his sleeve told him Ritsuka was growing impatient. He smiled down at the boy, who was staring back up at him with eagerness in his large violet eyes.

"What should we take pictures of first, Soubi?" the tingle of excitement was evident in the boy's voice as he pulled on the violet material of Soubi's sleeve, eyes that matched it darting around the park.

"Whatever you want, Ritsuka." it was enough just for him to be here with Ritsuka at that moment, enough to watch his eyes sparkle in the bright sunshine as he pulled his camera from its case and snapped a picture of the leaves at his feet. The camera made a small, distinct camera sound as Ritsuka took the picture, and he examined the image on the tiny preview screen with a happy squeak, showing it to Soubi over his shoulder before darting off in a random direction.

Soubi hurried after him, and at the feeling of the wind rushing through his hair and rushing across his bare ears, couldn't help but smile. The sound of crunching leaves was in his ears and the scent of the air filled his body, and for a brief moment, he was flying. He was weightless and fearless, suspended by the rays of sunlight that caught him as he moved. For the first time in years, he felt like a child. And so he chased a giggling Ritsuka through the trees, trying desperately to catch up to the younger boy. And he laughed.

**XXX**

It was the shaft of sunlight that initially woke him. It fell across his face at that precise angle, tilting into his eyes, and as they blinked open he was met with the glare of the light. Seimei shielded his eyes from the glare and sat up, blinking away the last traces of sleep and allowing himself a soft yawn. There was a lingering scent of jasmine in the room, and as he inhaled it, suddenly a warmth broke over his cheeks as memories from the previous night flashed through his head.

One hand quickly flew to the top of his head, and when met with the soft brush of his ears, he relaxed. The pieces of previous night finally brought themselves together, and he blushed even more deeply, biting his lip as he recalled the delicate sensations of Soubi touching him and the wet heat of his mouth as he did… _that_.

His own shirt was still unbuttoned from the previous night, and the heat in his face intensified even further as he quickly discarded the shirt altogether and slid out from under the covers (trying to ignore the notion that Soubi had inhabited the same space between them a few hours ago). He changed his clothes quickly, methodically as he had so many times before. But this time the motions were different. The very concept was different. He hated that Soubi had managed to do this to him. How? How had the older male managed to affect him this deeply?

Seimei moved over to the window, surveying the brightness of the autumn morning and watching the rays of sunlight slant across the grass of the backyard. In his mind, his words to Soubi echoed, as though reminding him of their gravity.

"I remain true to my word," he said aloud, though he knew he was the only person in the room. In Soubi's eyes, Seimei's word was law. He could not allow himself to change his mind once those words were spoken. He would be firm, and he would do what needed to be done.

"_Is this how you feel, Soubi?"_

He raised one hand and placed it against the windowpane. Even through the warmth of the sun's rays that glowed brightly against it, the glass was cold.

"_Out of control? Helpless? Do you wish you could take back things you say?"_

He sighed softly and turned away from the light outside and back to his bedroom, sitting there the way he had always left it. It was meticulous, perfectly clean, and suddenly he hated it. Why was everything around him perfection and order when inside he had become stained, violent, tainted? He almost didn't want to glance into the mirror as he passed it. He hated mirrors these days; it felt as though the things inside could never be mirrored by a mere reflection. He was too far gone.

His computer was still on from the day before (given the events of last night he hadn't taken the time to turn it off), and he switched on the screen and placed himself before it. It only took Wisdom Resurrection a few seconds to load, and he plunged into it with full force. Many took for granted that, when used properly, the game was not merely a game. It could be used as a powerful tool to gain any and all information one might want if they looked in the right place. Few knew how to use it properly, but in Seimei's eyes there were few who weren't fools. Staring into the screen, Seimei smiled slightly.

"Now, Akame Nisei… just where are you?"

**XXX**

"Look at this, Soubi!"

Soubi abandoned the leave he had been examining and turned to Ritsuka, who was holding a long white feather up and looking at it closely as if it held the answer to all life's problems. "It's a swan's feather!" the boy explained excitedly. "That means those swans are close. Can we go see them, Soubi?"

The Sentouki, who was growing weary from dashing around all morning, just smiled. "Of course, Ritsuka." He couldn't fight or explain his desire to make Ritsuka happy at all costs. Whenever the raven-haired boy smiled, Soubi felt at peace, and wanted nothing more than for him to smile always. After spending time with him, he now understood Seimei's obsessive desire to keep his younger brother safe from everything. To put it plainly, Ritsuka was perfect. With him there were no worries, no sorrow, no uncertainty. There was nothing but Ritsuka, taking in his full attention and almost seeming to sustain him in place of basic human needs. He had never imagined anyone could get so close to him so quickly.

The swans weren't far away; there was a small gap in the trees about ten yards away from where they had been a moment ago, and they reached them very quickly despite stopping at a vendor's cart to buy bread to feed the birds when they got there. Ritsuka bolted in their direction, his eight-year-old energy propelling him forward far faster than Soubi had ever imagined possible.

"Come on, Soubi!" he called happily to the blond, who was doing his best to keep up with him (which was hard when he kept darting in circles around trees). Soubi laughed and ran a bit faster, feeling extremely immature and not caring in the least. He picked up speed, his coat and hair flying behind him in the wind, his body weightless.

It took a bit of effort not to run into Ritsuka when he stopped suddenly in front of him. Soubi dug his heels into the ground and managed not to hit him.

"What is it, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked, shifting the bag of bread to his other hand and patting his shoulder.

"They're right ahead," he whispered. "I don't wanna scare them!"

"Oh, right," Soubi replied, slightly amused as he followed Ritsuka's slow, almost tiptoeing pace into the clearing. The swans were situated in and around a small pond, and at the entrance of the two parkgoers they raised their heads in slight alarm, watching them with glassy black eyes. Sleek, gleaming white feathers encased their bodies, and Soubi made sure to make mental note to paint them sometime very soon. He handed Ritsuka the bread and smiled. "Go ahead and feed them. Then they'll probably warm up to you."

"But… I have to make memories." Ritsuka fingered the camera lightly. "Or I might forget them."

"I'll make some memories of them for you, Ritsuka. Then you'll have pictures of yourself with the swans instead of just pictures of them."

"Okay!" Ritsuka said happily, handing the camera to Soubi as though it was made of glass and then stepping cautiously toward the three enormous white birds. Soubi switched on the camera and watched Ritsuka approach the birds through the lens, snapping several pictures and listening to the strangely comforting shutter sound. Ritsuka dropped several small chunks of bread onto the ground in front of the birds and backed away, and when they came forward and began to nibble on it, he drew closer and threw more. Now that there was food involved, the swans seemed to be less reluctant to trust him, and let him stand in their midst as they ate and he dropped more bread.

"I think they like you, Ritsuka," Soubi said, smiling and taking a few more pictures. Ritsuka was grinning widely, his excitement at being so close to the majestic birds impossible to contain. He held out a chunk of bread in front of one of the birds, and slowly the animal leaned its neck out and snapped it out of his hand with its quick orange bill. Soubi took a picture just as the bird was taking the bread, and smiled at the image of the excited Ritsuka on the preview screen.

"Did you see that!" Ritsuka squealed.

"Of course. I got a picture of it, too."

Ritsuka grinned and kept dropping bread, managing to stroke one of the swans briefly on the head when it took a piece from him. And Soubi kept making memories, happy to be here with him in the autumn sunshine and feeling fully alive.

When the bread ran out, Ritsuka retreated after the swans lost interest and moved back toward Soubi. The blond held the camera out to him, and he took it and looked through the pictures happily, smiling at the image of the swan taking bread from his hand. "We made a lot of good memories today." he paused, tapping his lip. "But Soubi…" he paused, looking shy for a moment. "I don't have any of you. Can I take some pictures of you, Soubi?"

"Alright," Soubi answered, rubbing his ears and affectionately without thinking and smiling in surprise when he didn't receive an adverse reaction. "What do you want me to do?"

"Can you stand by that tree?" Ritsuka asked, taking several pictures after the older man complied. He felt a bit awkward being photographed, but the fact that it was by Ritsuka made it less so. The sun streamed through his hair as the sound of the shutter clicked in rapid succession. Ritsuka seemed pleased with the photographs and was quick to rush to Soubi's side when he was finished, still brandishing the camera as if it was a magic wand. "Can we take some together?" he asked timidly.

"Of course."

Soubi had to lean down to get to Ritsuka's level in order for them to take proper pictures. With the camera held delicately in one hand, he let Ritsuka wrap his arms around his neck and, all the while attempting to hold it far enough away to get decent shots, took pictures of the two of them together. He took several pictures of them smiling into the camera, and then at the last moment before he took another, Ritsuka leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek as the picture was taken. More than a little surprised, Soubi found himself blushing as he handed Ritsuka the camera and allowed him to look at the pictures.

"These look really good, Soubi! I'll print off some copies for you, okay?"

"Okay," Soubi smiled at him, trying to ignore the warm blush on his cheeks. And then Ritsuka surprised him again; he leaped forward and wrapped his arms around Soubi's waist, pressing his warm body against him and nuzzling his cheek against the taller boy's stomach.

"Soubi?"

"Yes, Ritsuka?" he asked, smiling down at the tiny figure with a bit of the blush still on his face and watching him snuggle closer against him, into the warmth of his violet jacket and melding their body heat in a way that made Soubi feel infinitely safe.

"You're my favorite memory."

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**Awwww :3 I'll update again soon, I swear.**


	18. Zen'aku

**Disclaimer: Bee bop!**

**Yay! Things are moving along finally. I love writing about little Ritsuka. He's so cute. I wish he didn't have to lose his memory!**

**By the way, I'm taking requests for one-shots if anyone wants me to write one for them. Just PM me if you'd like one 8D**

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Soubi knew he probably shouldn't have stayed out quite so late with Ritsuka. He knew Seimei would not be pleased and he knew that Seimei would worry and scold him and possibly even punish him physically out of worry for his little brother. But it was a chance Soubi was willing to take for the sake of spending a little more precious time with Ritsuka. He was aware that this happiness he felt around the youngest Aoyagi was beginning to get a bit out of hand, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to care.

And so it was that the light was already giving way from bright yellow to dusty orange when they made their way back to Soubi's home, trails of tangerine light glinting off of the soft fur of Ritsuka's ears and off of Soubi's blond hair, slightly tousled from spending the day running around the park.

"I'm just going to stop in here for a minute and get that picture I made for you, Ritsuka," he explained as he fumbled for his keys and managed to get them into the lock while looking at him as he spoke. "I finished it yesterday."

"You didn't have to make anything for me, Soubi," Ritsuka said, but he looked happy and Soubi smiled, leading him into the modest home. Ritsuka stood inside the doorway as Soubi went to fetch the pastel drawing. "Wow, you really live here, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, his eyes scanning the small but bright apartment.

"Yes, I really do."

"I didn't know you lived by yourself! I thought since you weren't a grownup you'd live with your parents," Ritsuka said, looking slightly surprised. Soubi smiled at his innocence.

"Well, I don't have any parents, Ritsuka. So I live by myself," he tried to put it delicately so as not to shock the child, but when he looked down Ritsuka was standing beside him, clinging to his jacket.

"You don't have any parents, Soubi? What happened?" he asked, his violet eyes even wider than usual. Soubi set the pastel drawing down and knelt so he could be at Ritsuka's level, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders.

"They died when I was very young, in a car crash. I don't remember them very well, but I think of them every day. It's alright, Ritsuka. Why are you crying?"

"You don't have any parents!" Ritsuka said, tears in those enormous amethyst eyes as he looked up at the blond. "It's so sad! Who takes care of you, Soubi?" the tears started to fall, and Soubi couldn't help but think that it was all his fault.

"I take care of myself. But it's okay, because my friend Kio takes care of me, too," Soubi said, smiling and leaning forward to take Ritsuka into his arms. Ritsuka lunged into the embrace, still crying, and Soubi couldn't help but wish he was better at comforting people. He sat down on the floor, pulling Ritsuka into his lap and cradling his thin body in his arms. Tentatively, he placed a small kiss on top of the soft black hair and held Ritsuka close to him, feeling his warmth and the soft lull of his heartbeat against his own as the two sat in the rapidly dimming room filled with silence broken only by Ritsuka's soft sobs.

Reacting slightly, Ritsuka kissed Soubi's jaw gingerly and then his cheek, and finally the very corner of his mouth, barely even a touch but enough to make Soubi's eyes widen and a riot of blush break over his face once more. He stared down at Ritsuka in surprise. Ritsuka was still crying, his eyes squeezed shut, head nestled under Soubi's chin. He had never seen anyone so distressed by someone else's loss, and he stroked at the soft black hair gently, making soft, comforting noises as his hand moved. Soubi decided it was best to ignore his embarrassment. "It's alright, Ritsuka. Who takes care of you?"

"S-Seimei," he answered.

"And he's not your parents, is he?"

"No…"

"But he takes care of you anyway. He's the one who keeps you safe and protected and makes sure you have everything you need. And I have Kio for that. He is to me what Seimei is to you. So I'm perfectly taken care of. You don't need to worry, Ritsuka."

The child brightened visibly. "Oh! Oh, okay." he sat up a bit, brushing back tears and staring and Soubi. His nose was red from crying, and Soubi fought the urge to chuckle. "So you're really okay, then?"

"Of course, Ritsuka. I'm perfectly fine. And look, here's your picture," Soubi answered, distracting the boy quickly and picking up the drawing, handing it to him. His eyes widened.

"Wow, Soubi! It's so pretty!" he ran a fingertip delicately across the bright orange and gold landscape, taking in the detail of the leaves, the tree trunks, the dry grass. "It looks really amazing! Thanks!"

"You're welcome, Ritsuka. I'm glad you like it." Soubi smiled at the boy who was still perched on his lap. "I'll make more for you soon if you'd like. But right now I think I have to take you home."

"Aww, but Soubi!"

"Don't you want to print out your pictures?"

"Oh! Right, that'll be fun! Okay," Ritsuka climbed to his feet, leaving Soubi missing the warmth of him in his lap, and bounded to the door. "We can play a game on the way back, right?"

Soubi smiled. "Anything you like, Ritsuka."

**XXX**

"I got a lot of really good pictures today, Seimei!" Ritsuka chirped happily as he bounded into his brother's room. Looking up from his computer, Seimei quickly closed the Wisdom Resurrection window and turned around to give his little brother his full attention.

"Where have you been all day, Ritsuka?" Ritsuka heard the worry in his brother's voice and quickly hurried over to him and clasped him in a hug tight enough to induce a small uncharacteristic squeak.

"I'm sorry, Seimei! I should have told you I was going somewhere! I went and made memories with Soubi. We made a lot of really good ones!" he held up his camera as though to illustrate his point.

"You were with Soubi?" for some reason, Seimei sounded vaguely angry, and it scared Ritsuka.

"Uh-huh… we went to the park and went through the whole thing! And we took a lot of pictures…" he held up his camera again. "Are you mad at me, Seimei?"

The look on his brother's face softened instantly and he hugged him tightly. "No, of course not, Ritsuka. I was just irritated with Soubi for not bothering to call me when he got the wild whim to take my brother to the park all day without saying a word to me about it."

"Oh, it wasn't Soubi's fault! Honest!" he tugged on his brother's arm as though it would somehow make his word sink in better. "I saw him this morning and asked if he wanted to come make memories with me!"

"I see." Seimei patted Ritsuka's head affectionately and swiveled around in his chair. "I was worried about you, Ritsuka. You have to promise to call me from now on if you're going to go somewhere without telling me, alright?"

"Okay!" if Ritsuka hadn't had quite such a fun day because of it, he would have felt guilty for making his brother worry. But all he could do was squirm with the excitement left over from his eventful day and pull on Seimei's sleeve again. "I promise! Now come on, Seimei! You can help me put the memories on the computer!"

Seimei laughed slightly, and Ritsuka was relieved to see that his mood was back to normal. "Okay, Ritsuka. And then we can print them out if you'd like."

Ritsuka nodded vigorously as he hurried toward his room, turning his head to make sure Seimei was behind him. "Come on!" he dashed to the computer and let it turn on. Seimei helped him attach the USB cable, and he quickly began going through the by now familiar process of uploading the photos. As he watched images of various park scenes appear on the screen, he could hear Seimei shift behind him.

"Ritsuka?"

"What is it, Seimei?" he asked, turning his head to look at him. Seimei hesitated.

"Ritsuka, there are good people and bad people."

"I know that!"

"I know you do. Good people do good things, and bad people do bad things. But sometimes… sometimes good people have to do bad things in order to keep from letting more bad things happen. But that doesn't make them bad people. Do you understand?"

Ritsuka was confused, and cocked his head slightly as he stared at him. He searched his brother's dark blue eyes for answers and motives as he usually did. They weren't sparkling; they were dull and flat like they were when he talked about something he didn't want to be talking about. Usually when he talked about things there was life in those eyes. Slightly afraid, Ritsuka swallowed.

"Why are you talking about those things, Seimei?" he shivered slightly, though the room was not cold. The air had suddenly taken on an eerie feeling, something unpleasant that he didn't want to think about.

"No reason." Suddenly Seimei's expression was back to normal, smiling at his brother. The flatness stayed in his eyes, which was not a good sign. "I just thought it was something you should understand. Someday it may come in useful."

"Okay, Seimei," Ritsuka answered, wondering what exactly was going on. His brother was scaring him, and he didn't like it. Climbing down from his chair, he moved over to him and hugged him, burying his face in his chest and snuggling up against him. _"He takes care of me like parents are supposed to,"_ he thought as he nuzzled his brother's chest and hoped the frightening look in his eyes would go away. "I'm so glad I have you, Seimei," he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too, Ritsuka." his voice sounded more normal this time, and when he looked up the flatness was gone from his eyes. Happily, Ritsuka snuggled against him again and let himself be held, smiling into the warmth of his brother's chest. That scary feeling was gone.

He wondered if he had imagined it.

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**Foreshadowing? D8**


	19. Innocence

**Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless… if I did, I would rejoice.**

**So, I just heard some awesome news. My friend Savannah knows this chick in Japan who's friends with a producer, and according to her (though I'm not 100 percent on this)… they're working on season 2 of the Loveless anime! YAAAAY!**

**On another note, it might be a while before I update this time, because I have to finish writing people's one-shot requests. So when those are complete, expect an update! 8D**

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_This innocence is brilliant  
__I hope that it will stay  
__This moment is perfect  
__Don't let it fade away  
__I need you now  
__And I'll hold onto it  
__Don't you let it pass you by_

"Soubi?"

Startled at being interrupted so suddenly, the blond looked up from his canvas, his eyes finding Ritsuka who lay on his stomach on the bed behind him.

"What is it, Ritsuka?"

"Why do you always paint butterflies?"

"Hmm?" still disoriented from the long silence, Soubi set his brush down on the rack of his easel. Having Ritsuka in his house was still a little strange, though he had been a frequent visitor for the past two and a half weeks. He liked to come and watch Soubi paint. He was rarely disruptive and far better behaved in the situation than Soubi had expected a young boy to be. He would lie on his stomach on the bed, Soubi would bring his canvas and supplies into the bedroom, and Ritsuka would watch. Sometimes he would bring homework and do it, sometimes he would draw something of his own, but mostly he just watched. It was nice to have his company whenever he could, and though he found it a bit disorienting, he wouldn't change it if he could.

"I said why do you always paint butterflies?" Ritsuka's chin was resting on his hands, and he stared up at Soubi with those large violet eyes, a stare that Soubi still couldn't hide from.

"I don't know," Soubi answered honestly, turning his head to survey the blue butterfly that was currently taking shape on his canvas.

Why in the world _did_ he paint butterflies? Perhaps it was some subconscious desire to create them, trapped in their delicate world of acrylic strokes just as he was trapped in a world where Names ruled destiny. He could still feel a strong sense of kinship with them, and had from that day when the butterfly he had tried to save had crumbled dryly under Seimei's foot. He too was trampled under the Sacrifice's power. There was no escape. He himself was as frail as the blue creature nestled among petals before him under the face of his beloved Seimei. And for what was definitely a foreign moment, Soubi almost wished he could escape. He almost wished he could get away from Seimei and his violence, his pain. Wished he could escape him forever. For the first time in a very long time, the Name burned and one hand flew to his throat, grabbing slightly at the bandages that his the wound from sight.

"Are you okay, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked in instant alarm, leaping to his feet. In what seemed like less than a second he was at Soubi's side, clinging to the front of his shirt and staring up at him with desperate eyes. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Ritsuka," Soubi tried not to sound defensive, but it was hard. His hand pressed into the bandages as though shielding the wound from the boy.

"Are you hurt?" Ritsuka was starting to get frantic now, and it was unlike him to be so quick to panic. His eyes were wide and frightened, and Soubi reached his free hand down to touch the soft black hair.

"I'm fine, Ritsuka. It's nothing to worry about," he said with what he hoped was a smile, but most likely turned out as more of a grimace.

"But you're _bleeding_!" Ritsuka was biting his lip and clinging to him tightly. Soubi had never seen his eyes so filled with terror, and he was sure it matched that in his own as he lifted the hand from his neck and allowed the sight of the dark crimson blood to soak into his consciousness. This was all because he was going against his Name, defying Seimei by wishing he could break away from him. This was punishment inflicted by his own body, and it made him shiver violently at the thought of what Seimei would do if he had found out about those thoughts. He would be as good as dead, he supposed. He cast a helpless glance down at his Sacrifice's younger brother, wishing there was something he could do to make it so this whole situation had never happened.

"Ritsuka, it's going be alright. I-"

Ritsuka wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and guided him backward onto the bed, pushing onto it and crawling up beside him. He slipped his head under the blond's chin. "Soubi…" he whimpered. Soubi looked down at him helplessly. "Are you going to die?"

"No, Ritsuka. No, I'm not," he whispered softly. "It's just the cuts from before bleeding, alright?"

Ritsuka looked up at him, his eyes large pools of confusion as they fixed themselves on Soubi's face. "What? What cuts?"

Slightly puzzled, Soubi raised an eyebrow faintly and peered at the young boy through locks of blond hair that slid over his eyes as he moved. "The cuts that you doctored up on the day we met, Ritsuka. Don't you remember?" Ritsuka looked terrified for a moment, and Soubi, puzzled, placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I _don't_ remember," Ritsuka said in a tiny voice, the exuberance gone from his eyes as he stared up at Soubi, afraid and confused. "It started a while ago. The doctor called it 'amnesia'. It means I have holes in my memory." he was trembling slightly, and Soubi couldn't help but feel helpless as he watched him fiddle with the sheets with one hand. "It didn't used to be very bad, but lately the holes are getting bigger and… I'm starting to be scared I won't remember anything at all!"

"Ritsuka…"

"You're the only thing I always remember, Soubi! What if I forget you, too?" tears were running down Ritsuka's cheeks now, and Soubi reached forward and clumsily pulled him onto his laps, cupping his face in his hands. Large eyes stared up into his, questioning.

"Ritsuka, it's going to be alright. If you ever forget me, I promise I'll help you remember." Soubi did not take promises lightly, and made a mental note to keep this one no matter how hard it might be if the time came when the boy forgot him. "I'll fix it. You'll see."

"I don't want to forget you, Soubi," Ritsuka whimpered, tears still quietly falling. "Not even for a second…" there was a brilliant hush then, Ritsuka quivering under his hands and Soubi not having the faintest idea of how to comfort him. The large, frightened violet eyes stared up into his, desperate and pleading, as Ritsuka's lips suddenly found his own.

Soubi's eyes widened as he was kissed, Ritsuka closing his eyes tightly as his tears wet Soubi's face. Soubi was aware of his cheeks heating up, and his first thought was that he needed to push the boy away. But the kiss was chaste and gentle, and it made Soubi's heart race in a way it hadn't before. He knew it was wrong, but the warmth and the comfort and the innocence of it all were enough for him to push the thought from his mind. For that moment, there was only Ritsuka. Nothing else existed, and he didn't _want_ anything else to exist.

It was like being in a strange, alternate reality where it was alright for his Sacrifice's younger brother to kiss him, and it was alright for him to like it. He kept his hands on Ritsuka's face and timidly he kissed him back, ignoring his internal struggle over whether he should stop this and allowing himself to be pulled into the glittering simplicity of this moment. There was Ritsuka's heartbeat thudding softly against his own, Ritsuka small arms enfolding him, and Ritsuka's warm lips covering his own, and there was nothing else. Soubi was startled to realize that never in his life had he felt so happy, so perfect. The wounds that usually stained him were left behind somewhere in the real world, and there was nothing here for him now but this. It was the kind of happiness that made him certain he was dreaming, and all he could do was stand frozen in awe of this moment.

When Ritsuka pulled away and nestled himself against Soubi's chest, he didn't speak. Soubi didn't either, allowing the comfortable silence to reign and enjoying the short time before the guilt and horror of what he had done set in and ruined it all. Ritsuka's breathing was even as his chest rose and fell against his, and Soubi held him in silence. And for the first time, he was struck with the thought that nothing but Ritsuka really mattered.

He fleetingly wondered if this was the way it was meant to be.

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**Yay fluff! :3 I'll try to update as soon as I can. **


	20. Horizon

**Disclaimer: It's raining men!**

**Okay, so I lied :3 I haven't finished everybody's one-shots yet, but I'm updating anyway. But I do promise to finish them, really. I've just been busy lately and I'm sorry! But I'm so addicted to writing this story that nothing can stand in my way… not even all the work I should be doing XD**

**And by the way, I started a story about catboys at Fictionpress and I was wondering if any of you would help me out by giving me an honest opinion about it. There's a link to it in the link list in my profile if anybody would like to give it a looksie 8D**

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Steadily for the past several weeks, Seimei had worked under the cover of night.

Darkness was the perfect shield, keeping everything hushed and eerie as he worked. By day, he went to school and did his classwork like any other obedient student. Then he went home to Ritsuka and spent the day being the best older brother he possibly could. When he felt the need to work on finding the answers he needed during the day, he would suggest taking Ritsuka to Soubi's house.

Ritsuka was surprisingly enthusiastic about spending time with the Sentouki, and though Seimei disapproved of his brother being with someone like Soubi, he had to admit it was the most convenient way for him to get things done. Ritsuka's memory was failing more and more as the days passed, and Seimei was loath to leave him by himself. And though he hated to admit it, he trusted Soubi far more than anyone else. And so it had become a system that neither of them really acknowledged; taking turns caring for Ritsuka as schedules allowed.

Of course, there was the price of relative exhaustion that came from his schedule of working relentlessly through levels of Wisdom Resurrection to find what he needed after Ritsuka fell asleep. Sometimes he would work until four in the morning, going to bed for several hours of sleep before he had to get up for school. It was beginning to take its toll on him, and as he struggled through seven hours of school one particular day he could barely function normally. And so of course given his current streak of bad luck it was when he was in this current uncomfortable state that he was confronted immediately outside of his biology classroom.

"Aoyagi!" Slightly startled, Seimei looked in the direction that the voice had come from. He was met with the sight of a large-breasted blonde first year, staring determinedly at him with her arms crossed. "Aoyagi Seimei?"

"Yes, that's me," Seimei gave her an appraising look from his position about a foot and a half above her. He had forgotten how short first years were.

"I'm Nakano Yamato," she said, "I think we need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you," Seimei turned coldly away from the blonde, irritation filtering slowly through his entire body. She was a Sacrifice as well, the signs were clear as day, but what right did she feel she had to approach him when she was definitely not a very accomplished one. As he moved away from her, suddenly her small hand shot out and wrapped surprisingly strong fingers around his arm, stopping him effectively.

"Oh no you don't," she gave him a slightly irritated look, though her eyes glittered with amusement. "Listen here, bigshot. Nagisa-sensei's orders were that our first battle would be with Beloved, and you're the Sacrifice so you're the one who's going to arrange it with me."

First battle? She certainly had a lot of nerve for not even having participated in a true spell battle before. "And who are you, exactly?" he growled, much colder than he meant to be. She stared back at him, assessing him and yet laughing internally at his formality.

"_We_ are Zero."

Seimei's heart momentarily stopped. Zero. He had heard of the synthetic fighting pairs created by Nagisa, and had always harbored a secret sickness at the very thought of them. It went against everything sacred about being part of a team in the first place. It was completely unethical in his eyes, and suddenly this small, unthreatening blonde girl was the enemy. He narrowed his eyes.

"Alright, _Zero_. Tomorrow evening at six o'clock. We'll fight."

Yamato smirked slightly. "What's with the sudden change of mind?" she asked.

"Because Beloved will beat you, and tomorrow night will be proof of that. I will not be defeated by a _Zero_."

Yamato rolled her eyes. "Okay then, Mr. Dramatic. Since you didn't specify, how about we fight in the park? By that big fountain in the middle, alright?"

Seimei gritted his teeth. "Fine."

"Alright, see you then," Yamato said with a shrug as she released his arm and turned away. "Good luck."

Seimei hurried to his locker, still slightly off-balance. A Zero. A Zero in his school. It was a startling prospect, and as he gathered his books for his next class, he found himself wondering how in the world he hadn't noticed before, and what Nagisa was thinking, pitting a new fighting team against Beloved. They didn't stand a chance against he and Soubi. His vow to set Soubi free didn't matter right now. He was going to beat Zero, and he was going to do it if it killed him.

**XXX**

"Hey Sou-chan!"

Soubi looked up from his painting, rubbing at a smear of yellow paint that had collected on his cheek. The light the room was fading as evening set in, and he was at the point where interruptions from painting were almost welcome; he and Kio had been working on their project for nearly seven hours already. It was due tomorrow, and Soubi felt if he spent another ten minutes working on the large group of sunflowers they were painting together, his head just might explode.

"Yes, Kio?"

"Are you okay? You seem a little worried," Kio adjusted his glasses and gave him a concerned look.

"You still worry too much, Kio," Soubi smiled slightly and put his paintbrush down on his tray, shaking strands of sweaty hair from his face.

"That doesn't answer my question!" Kio protested, watching Soubi wipe his hands on his smock. Soubi sighed at his best friend's overprotective nature, which was usually endearing but at the moment was slightly grating.

"I'm fine, Kio. Really. I appreciate you taking such good care of me, but there's nothing to worry about," he answered in the most reassuring voice he could. It was extremely convincing, he knew, despite all inner turmoil that churned his stomach at the moment. Never in his life had he been quite so nervous before a spell battle. Zeros were quite a new development. The spell-fighting world was quietly abuzz about them these days. He knew that Nagisa had (against the advice of everyone around her) developed them some sixteen years ago, and now that they were older and had had training, Soubi was sure they would be quite a threat.

Silently, he turned his eyes out the window toward the delicate sunset, so brightly colored that it seemed to be the product of his own brush rather than the actual colors nature could offer. He couldn't quell the tingle of worry in his stomach. It was a deep feeling that seemed to have burrowed into his very consciousness. Every since Seimei had alerted him to tomorrow's battle, he had been unable to push the concern to the back of his mind. It was a feeling telling him that something wasn't right, or that something was going to go horribly wrong in the future, at least. As he stared off into the brightness of the sunset, he allowed himself a soft sigh, trying to relax himself.

"You're scaring me again, Sou-chan," Kio told him, breaking into his reverie. "You look really tense."

"It's nothing, Kio."

"It's something to do with that Aoyagi guy again, isn't it?" now Kio was the one who looked worried, and Soubi bit his lip slightly as his friend fretted over him. "It's him again!"

"Kio-"

"Don't Kio me!" Kio snapped, dropping his paintbrush on the floor. "Why do you still listen to that guy? Why do you keep putting yourself through all this for him? Sou-chan, I can tell you're worried. I know you're going to have to do something bad. I can't stand it when you get hurt!" ears flat against his head, Kio turned away and stared out the glass door. "Why?"

"Because I love him," Soubi said softly, though he could feel with a pang of guilt and fear that his conviction was nowhere was strong as it usually was when he spoke those words. Kio making a small, unintelligible noise, interrupted him in his fear. When he turned to face him, the shorter male was obviously holding back tears.

"Why don't you love _me_?!" the words seemed to explode from his lips, and Soubi was so surprised that his only reaction was the widening of his eyes. But Kio didn't look desperate or miserable this time; he looked angry. Soubi had only seen Kio genuinely angry with him a few times in his life, and it was slightly disturbing.

"Kio…" all he could say was his friend's name as he watched him, partly alarmed and partly intrigued. After all the years of friendship and barely concealed attraction, he feared it had all come down to this one moment.

"I'm so sick of it, Sou-chan! You let yourself get hurt by him, you devote your whole self to this sadistic bastard who doesn't even seem to give a damn about you! You're in love with an asshole who'd sooner let you die than give you the time of day! And then here I am, and I love you the way you love him and you don't even care! I care about you more than anyone else, and it doesn't count for anything to you!"

"Of course it does, Kio," Soubi said softly, finding his voice once more. Kio did not look moved. He looked Soubi straight in the eye, and the silver depths of those spheres were filled with a fire that shouldn't have been there.

"Don't say that and expect me to believe you, Sou-chan," he said softly, his voice edged with silvery impatience that bordered on flaring up into outright anger once more. "All you want it is Seimei. It couldn't matter less to you that I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And you've known it all this time, and you never even bothered to give me a chance!" Kio turned, throwing his smock to the floor and flouncing in the direction of the door. Fearing an unpleasant parting, Soubi hurried after him. "I don't really want to be here right now, Sou-chan."

"Kio!" Soubi caught him by the arm as he slammed out of the house and held him back, trying his best not to look into those tearful silver eyes for fear of crying himself. He pulled him rather roughly against his chest, soothing the rumpled blond hair with his fingers and allowing Kio to slump against him. "Kio, Kio, Kio."

He feared it wouldn't be enough this time, feared it would take more than he had to offer to comfort him at his moment. He had always expected that someday the time would come when simple apologies and hugs were not enough to make up for the pain he put his best friend through, and it ached him to know that he was the one who had caused the hurt. But when Kio clenched his fists around the material of Soubi's smock and buried his face against him, the Fighter breathed a sigh of relief. "Kio. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Kio didn't reply. He just kept his face buried from view and nuzzled him, which was his unspoken way of accepting Soubi's apology. They stood there in the chill of the night air just outside Soubi's door, looking rather odd but clinging to each other as though nothing else could possibly bring comfort. Squeezing his friend tightly, Soubi looked over the top of his head and into the darkness where the street lamps couldn't reach. He could almost feel the menacing quality of tomorrow lingering in those shadows, and shivered.

He infinitely feared what lurked on the horizon.

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**Oh no… the plot thickens further! :fear: We're getting to the pivotal parts and I'm honestly a bit apprehensive about how they're going to go. I'll try to update soon. I'm racing to get to the future bits before the manga does so I won't be knowingly going against the canon, but so far I'm not doing well at being fast about it, since it's still pre-Loveless right now. **

**And by the way, is anyone else fangirling about Seimei x Yamato yet? Because for some reason this chapter made me want to write a one-shot about it (Even though lately for me het equals yuck). So… woo hoo. :3**


	21. Forfeit

**Disclaimer: KUMAGORO BEAM!**

**Yay! An update! Sorry it took so long. So yeah, I'm officially in love with Yamato now XD And every other Loveless characters, too. Such infidelity!**

**So anyway, I started my summer project, which is a futuristic yaoi novel called "Solid Blue". There a link to it at the bottom of my link list in my profile :puppy eyes: I'd really love if you guys gave me some honest opinions on it…**

**So, I hope you enjoy the chapter! It's dedicated to Muzatsu for being such an awesome friend! 8D**

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"Kouya, you wanted diet, right?"

As Yamato bounded into the room, her blonde hair still damp from the shower, the black-haired girl on the bed looked up from the textbook she was reading and gave her a look that was quite plainly disapproving.

"Yamato, where have you been?"

"Relax!" Yamato flopped down onto the bed beside her Fighter and handed her a can of diet cola, opening a regular one for herself and taking a long, deep swig. "I was just off getting some sodas. Is that a crime nowadays?"

Kouya rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses up her nose. "I really wish you wouldn't be so reckless."

"Pfft…" Yamato dismissed Kouya's worries with an airy wave of her hand, shaking out her wet hair and taking another long drink. "What's reckless about getting soda?"

"Not that. Honestly, Yamato," the Sentouki shook her head, causing waves of long black hair to ripple across her back. "I'm talking about going to an outside school when you're in the middle of training! What are you thinking? I'm surprised Nagisa-sensei's letting you do something like that!"

"It's fun, Kouya. Much better than going to this dull old school for our normal classes. And besides, we'd be getting sent off for school next year after our training's done anyway! I'm just getting a head start. And you _know_ Nagisa let me go so I'd be around less. You know how I piss her off because you're the _favorite_," rather than sounding bitter as she said this, Yamato's voice rang with amusement. She wiggled her toes contentedly and took another long drink. Kouya watched her Sacrifice as she hummed the tune to a popular song that had been on the radio that morning and tapped her pencil distractedly, glancing around the room.

This room in Nagisa's apartments in Shichisei Gakuin was the place they had called home for as long as they had known each other. They'd slept in the two single beds night after night for so long that being anywhere else was unthinkable. Kouya was a sensible girl, and she knew that change was inevitable. But some things, like stability, she didn't want to see change. She just wanted things to stay the way they were. Yamato seemed excited to get out of the school and begin life anew, but to Kouya it seemed unnecessary and intimidating. The thought of adoptive parents and a new life outside of the one to which she had become accustomed was frightening to say the least. But she kept her concerns quiet and watched Yamato sprawl herself more comfortably across the bed beside her.

"So, are you looking forward to the battle?" the blonde asked idly.

"Of course," Kouya answered truthfully. The first spell battle was the single most important moment of a fighting team's life, and it was something she and Yamato had strived for since they had been introduced and bonded together as Sentouki and Sacrifice.

"It's against Beloved," Yamato played with a loose thread on the bedspread. "I heard they're really good. I wonder why Nagisa would pit us against them in our first battle…"

"It's because of Ritsu-sensei," Kouya told her, sitting up and abandoning the notion that Yamato would let her get any homework done at the moment. "Agatsuma Soubi… he's Beloved's Fighter. He was Ritsu-sensei's star pupil. And you know how Nagisa-sensei wants to prove we're better than his teams."

"But he's not even Beloved's real Fighter," Yamato muttered thoughtfully. "I wonder what makes Ritsu think he can win against you, when he and Aoyagi Seimei aren't even bonded. When they don't share a Name like we do…" she reached across the gap between them and laced her fingers with Kouya's. The black-haired girl blushed.

"Yamato…"

Yamato didn't reply, instead moving her other hand to Kouya's long hair, stroking it tenderly. She ran her fingertips across the softness of Kouya's black ears, still intact, and smirked lightly. "When are you going to let me get rid of these, Kouya?" she asked playfully.

The blush on Kouya's face deepened, and she stared at her own knees. "Let's just concentrate on beating Beloved, okay?"

Yamato giggled. "You're so serious," she marveled, and then smiled and drew her Sentouki closer. "Well okay, I guess just a kiss will do for now," the blonde whispered as she brought their lips together tenderly. "This time."

**XXX**

The evening air was cooler than it should have been when Seimei appeared, slipping out of the shadows of the trees and making his way to his Sentouki. Soubi looked up as he approached him, and their eyes met for a moment. An ominous chill ran down his spine; there was something in those eyes that shouldn't be there.

"Seimei?" the word hung in the air for a moment as the night shimmered with stillness, the heavy hush before a battle that was always the same. A tiny prick of fear slid down his throat and he shivered.

"Yes, Soubi?"

"Zero… no one's ever fought them before."

"Correct. You're worried because you don't know what to expect?"

Soubi's eyes raised up to scan the sky through the gaps between tree branches. "In a way," he answered slowly. "But I'm more worried because _they_ don't know what to expect."

"What are you talking about?" Seimei raised an eyebrow.

"It's easier to make harmful mistakes when you haven't done something before. I have a feeling that something is going to go wrong, Seimei. It's a feeling I can't shake," Soubi was squinting at his Sacrifice now.

"Everything is going to be fine, Soubi," Seimei assured him in a voice that was far more comforting than any that had come out of the raven-haired man before. Soubi could feel a tiny flutter of solace in his stomach. "You really shouldn't worry so much. True, they are Zero, but as an undefeated team I don't think we have much to worry about in terms of losing to a team waging their first battle."

"I'm sorry for worrying, Seimei," Soubi said apologetically, inexplicably bowing to his Master's will. "I'll try to calm down."

"Good," Seimei replied with a slight nod, keeping his eyes on the darkness between the trees in front of them. The air was heavy with that distinct feeling that could only come from waiting for something that was truly troubling. Soubi tried to focus on the millions of tiny diamond stars that speckled the sky above and on the bright, full moon. He had never been superstitious, but at the moment he found himself wondering if maybe a full moon really _was_ unlucky. He sighed softly, the cool breeze across his face doing little to calm his nerves.

"Hey, Beloved!" came a sudden voice cutting through the quiet darkness, and Soubi looked up to see a pair of girls approaching them. One had short blonde hair and a confident expression, and was offering them a friendly wave. The other had long black hair and looked determined. They both still had their ears quite visibly intact, and Soubi was surprised

"_We're fighting a team this young_?"

"Are you guys ready?" the blonde asked, shaking locks of hair from her face and giving them a daring smile.

"You two are Zero?" Soubi asked, slightly incredulous as he looked on at them with some disbelief.

"You better believe it," the blonde replied with an amused grin. "I'm Yamato Nakano and this is Sakagami Kouya. You see surprised."

"You're so young…" Soubi let it slip without meaning to, and Yamato dismissed his words with a wave of her hand and gave a small 'pfft' sound.

"There are plenty of teams out there these days who're younger," she reminded him. "We just happened to finish basic training fast. Now, are you two ready to fight? I'm freezing, and this small talk isn't helping."

"Exactly. We came here prepared," Kouya agreed.

"Then let's start," Soubi told the girls without a hint of hesitation. If they wanted a battle, he wasn't going to cringe because of their age. He was going to give it everything as he always did, and he was going to win this thing in yet another desperate attempt to make Seimei proud of him. It was a neverending cycle, and it made him vaguely sick to his stomach. As the four of them moved into position, he shook aside his doubt and immediately slid his mind into battle mode, where everything became a weapon and his senses were as sharp as dagger. "We're ready."

"Soubi, take the first strike," Seimei commanded, and Soubi instantly flew into action, feeling the breeze tickle his cheeks and turning it upon their opponents.

"North wind, blow away their ability to defend. Render them helpless!" he shouted, and the cold wind slid from over his shoulder and pelted the Zeroes with its gale force.

"Maintain body temperature!" Kouya shouted over the noise. "South win, retaliate! Blind them with intensity!"

"Soubi, defend and retaliate!"

"Defense! Damage is zero, your wind has no effect. Stars, turn your jagged edges against them! Cut away their desire to win!"

A thousand tiny, sparkling points of light flew toward the Zeroes, and in several flashes of movement they cut into their skin shallowly, provoking the running of thick crimson blood that fell in small droplets onto the pavement and steamed in the cold. The places where they cut were instantly covered with thick metal cuffs. They seemed undaunted, however. Yamato giggled.

"We're _Zero_. You really expect to win by relying on pain? Show them how it's really done, Kouya," she said jovially, wiping away a bit of fresh blood from her shoulder.

"Darkness, envelope them with your gloomy blanket! Wrap them in tendrils of confusion! Decrease the power of the next attack by forty percent!" Kouya shouted fervently. Soubi made a move to defend, but was a split second too late. Instantly, he felt disoriented and could barely see a foot in front of his face, much less see the Zeroes. As dizziness turned his head, he struggled to maintain his tact and took several deep breaths, managing to remain on his feet. He could feel the weight of the cuffs and chains the damage had conjured on his neck and wrists. These Zeroes were skilled. They were actually a match for them, something that hadn't happened in a long while. Still dizzy, he fumbled to make his next attack, desperate to end the effects of theirs.

"Water, turn to sabers of ice. Penetrate and eliminate!" he croaked, waving his left hand in what he hoped was the direction of the ornate stone fountain. As he spoke, the darkness lifted and he was able to see the water rise up from the fountain's basin and freeze into razor-sharp knives before flying in the direction of the opposing team. But since the attack was only at sixty percent of its usual power, it was easily stopped.

"Defend! No ice can touch us, for we are as the surface of the sun!" Kouya retaliated, and the ice melted into nothing and fell like rain to the ground before her outstretched hand. She turned to Yamato for a moment as Soubi looked on helplessly. "Should I try that new spell?"

"Well, we have no idea how strong it is…" Yamato said thoughtfully. "And we're not sure exactly what its effects will be."

"But these two are an expert team. They should be able to handle it."

"I _have_ always wanted to test it out," Yamato said, appearing to be deep in thought as she tapped her chin. "You can do whatever you'd like."

Kouya took several deep breaths. "Turn his words against him!" she recited. "And choke him with the very words he has spoken! Make his own abilities his enemy!"

Soubi felt no effect for a moment, and as relief began to settle in suddenly he was caught off-guard. He could feel a tightening around his throat, and warm blood began to pour down his front as the Name carved there bled profusely. He could feel a tightening as though invisible chains wrapped around every inch of his body, though he knew they weren't there. He struggled to keep breathing as the pressure became more and more intense, and finally fell to his knees, clutching at his throat as blood poured from behind his hands.

"Are you okay?" he was surprised to see Kouya and Yamato before him, both looking horrified and completely at a loss as to what to do. He opened his mouth to assure them that he was alright, but to his own horror warm blood ran out over his lips and no words followed.

"Soubi!" Seimei's voice cut through the night, music to his ears.

By now Soubi could see that it was no longer minor discomfort. This was getting serious. Every inch of his body was being squeezed painfully, and as he struggled to breathe he began to shake violently. This was surely the end. He couldn't survive this. It was like white-hot fire closing in on every square inch of his flesh, and he began to quake with small spasms as though it might help alleviate the agony. He toppled over onto his side and lay twitching on the ground, afraid to scream, to cry, to do anything. This was it. This must be what it felt like to die.

"We forfeit!"

Soubi almost couldn't comprehend the words. But it was Seimei's voice, much to his own surprise, and it rang true in his ears as he lay in absolute agony for another few seconds. "We forfeit! This battle is ended!"

Instantly, the pain subsided. Relief flooded Soubi as he began to breathe once more, gasping slightly from the release with every ragged breath. He blinked back tears he hadn't realized he'd been crying. Though he couldn't sit up, he could finally breathe and function slightly, which was far more than enough.

"Oh my God…" Kouya said quietly, her face pale. She looked shaken. "I must have done the spell wrong! It was only supposed to turn the next spell you cast back against you before it could hit us! I'm sorry…"

"We have nothing more to say to you," Seimei replied as he bent down in front of Soubi, sliding his arms under him and lifting him in a way that was surprisingly gentle, cradling him against his chest. Soubi tried to say his name, but not a sound came out. Whatever effects the spell had caused were still with him. Nevertheless, he was content. He rested his head listlessly against Seimei's chest. He was vaguely aware of Seimei saying his name softly as they moved away from the park, but could process little else and kept his eyes closed, trying to retain consciousness.

The next thing he was aware of was Seimei placing him somewhere soft, and when his eyes fluttered open he was met with the sight of his own bedroom ceiling and the sensation of a hand on his hair. His eyes found Seimei, who sat beside him on the bed looking far guiltier than he had ever seen him. He tried to say Seimei's name again, but he was still too weak and settled for lying like an invalid among his own pillows as Seimei pulled his blanket over him.

"Soubi," the Sacrifice muttered softly, that surprisingly gentle hand still sliding across his hair. "Soubi…" the teenager leaned down so his face was nearly touching Soubi's, and the Sentouki looked up at him with wide eyes, unsure of whether to believe the tenderness of this moment. "I'm so sorry."

Seimei was not one to apologize, and Soubi marveled at the sound of the words coming from his mouth as he looked up at the boy who usually caused him such harm. He wished he could speak. He wished he could tell Seimei that he could never be angry with him and that all was of course forgiven. But all he could do was stare up into those beautifully dark eyes. Seimei was close, he was here, and for the moment, Soubi was safe. He could find no word to describe the tiny stab of happiness that was his for that moment.

And then finally, all conscious thought was chased from his mind at the feeling of Seimei's lips pressing shyly against his own.

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**Woo, Seimei! :catcalls: Anyway, I'm really sorry if updates get slow! My little sister is off of school for the summer, so I'll be spending most of my time with her. I promise to update this whenever I can, though. Please don't give up on me?**


	22. The Calm Before the Storm

**Disclaimer: Wee!**

**Well, I'm finally back! XD I should be updating a lot more after the 26****th****, and I promise to update this a lot more then! And I've also started fangirling over Ouran High School Host Club, so look out for Tamaki-centric fics some time soon…**

**Excuse the seemingly irrelevant chapter. I wanted to give a bit of insight into Kio's world, especially since recent chapters of the manga have pretty much un-canonized most of what I fabricated about his friendship with Soubi XD**

**Enjoy! This chapter is dedicated to RedShinigami99 and Muzatsu. **

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"You should really be resting, Sou-chan!"

The slightly shrill, motherly voice cut into Soubi's concentration and he smiled, looking up at the blond that stood in the bedroom doorway with his hands on his slender hips, a shopping bag dangling from one hand.

"I am resting, Kio," Soubi adjusted his glasses. "Painting is very relaxing," the canvas was perched precariously on his raised knees, and though painting this way was a struggle, he didn't even want to imagine the fuss Kio would make if he actually got out of bed to paint properly. The butterflies that formed in the sea of purple swirls and flowers were painstakingly done, and he reflected on the fact with a small chuckle that sitting uncomfortably hunched over a canvas counted in some way as 'suffering for his art'.

"But you should be lying down!" Kio fussed before giving up. "I really wish you'd take up my mother's offer to let you stay at our house," Kio moved over to the bed and placed the bag he was holding beside Soubi. He began to rummage through it, all the while humming softly.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, Kio. It's just that I'd rather feel independent," Soubi explained, though he hadn't foreseen Kio's constant mothering when he'd decided to be 'independent' in the situation. The relentless fussing made him feel like an invalid. He felt slightly uneasy being confined to his bed. "And it's been more than long enough. I feel much better now," though he hated to admit that he still felt a bit weak from the massive loss of blood and energy that he had suffered, he wasn't about to let his fragility show. It would be suicide at the hands of his caring best friend.

"I brought you lunch!" Kio told him cheerfully, pushing aside Soubi's comment and brandishing a pair of chopsticks from somewhere in his shirt bocked. His blond tail flicked playfully behind him as he spoke. "Beef bowls!"

"Aren't you a vegetarian?" Soubi asked him, slightly amused.

"Well… yeah, but they're for you," slightly embarrassed at the fact that he had overlooked his own eating habits in his fervent rush to get something for his friend to eat, Kio felt his face flush red and sighed. It was hopeless trying to conceal anything from Soubi; even emotions that lay buried under the surface came out in a blush or a stammer whenever he turned those penetrating blue eyes on him.

He was helpless under that gaze, and it was fixed on him now. He could feel himself squirming, almost without his own consent. His mind, emotions and body all acted of their own accord when he was around Soubi, and it was something that made him feel more than a bit uncomfortable. He watched Soubi's mouth twitch ever so slightly up in a smile and he watched those pale lips open to whisper a soft "Arigato" before they closed again. He watched without ceasing as Soubi's delicate fingers lifted the chopsticks.

"You're staring," the Sentouki pointed out, and Kio jumped, almost having forgotten his friend's capacity to speak, so intently focused had he been on the silence. "Is something wrong?"

"No way, Sou-chan," Kio forced a smile through his flustered state as he watched those deep blue eyes lock into his own, so perfectly aligned with his soul. He wished Soubi could feel this deep connection he himself sensed when they were together like this. It was almost blinding to him, feeling the intensity of this bond between them that was deeper, he told himself, than any forced bond with a certain raven-haired sadist could ever be. What had started out as pity and blossomed into real friendship, and eventually into the earth-shattering link between the two that was thicker than blood, thicker than anything, and there were times when he wanted to scream at Soubi for being so blind to it when he could feel it with every glance of those bottomless blue eyes. He couldn't believe someone so smart could be so clueless, and he couldn't understand how, with the intensity of his own feelings, fate could be so cruel as to allow Soubi to feel this way about someone else.

"I'll pick the meat out of this for you," Soubi's voice sounded deafening in what had been complete silence until now. Kio gave his friend a smile and nodded, trying not to allow those eyes to swallow him once more.

"Thanks, Sou-chan. Then we can eat together.." the flustered teenager took a spot on the bed beside his friend and twisted a small corner of the white sheet between his fingers as Soubi delicately picked through the lunch, discarding the bits of meat into his own container of the food. Kio watched him out of the corner of his eye, and Soubi didn't comment. He only put his silent concentration into working on the food. Slight discouraged, Kio finally turned his eyes out the window beside the bed and watched the sun setting, painted rainbow colors against the delicate veil of snow that began to fall, as insubstantial as the friendship that somehow kept Soubi connected to him. He allowed a long sigh to pass his lips, not caring if it raised any questions.

"_Sou-chan… what is it going to take for you to really see me?"_

**XXX**

"It's snowing, Seimei!"

The excited yelp from in front of the young man startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked up from the ground to his younger brother, who was darting around in front of him. Small, frail snowflakes were beginning to drift through the December air, light and delicate as the wings of fairies. The older Aoyagi brother put out a gloved hand and watched as the tiny flakes landed on the fabric. The fall of snow was light, but still beautiful. The first snow of December.

"Do you know what that means?" Ritsuka asked him expectantly, grabbing his brother's arm and tugging lightly. He didn't give the older boy a chance to respond, to giddy was he in all his exhilaration. "It means my birthday is coming soon!"

"And Christmas," Seimei reminded him, laughing lightly. "Don't forget about that."

"But my birthday is more fun!" Ritsuka told him earnestly, and for the first time in a long while Seimei envied his honesty. "Because I feel so important, like everybody's celebrating with me. It's easy to forget about the bad things on my birthday," the bad things were apparent in the small but deep bruise just below his left eye, and Seimei impulsively reached forward and yanked the younger boy into a deep embrace, lifting the protesting Ritsuka and cradling him against his chest. In that moment, he found solace, and he only wished that things could be different, if only for a while.

"I promise this birthday will be the best yet, Ritsuka," Seimei said softly into the supple black hair. "I'll make all the bad things go away," Seimei did his best to hold back tears, and was ashamed for showing such weakness and vulnerability. But it was impossible not to when he was so acutely aware of how the darkness inside of him that he did his best to hide might someday hurt his brother. That was the one thing he could not stand the thought of. It ached him to his very core to even imagine any harm coming to the soft little form that hung so trustingly in his arms.

"Are you okay, Seimei? You're shaking," Ritsuka had pulled back enough to be able to look into his brother's face. The wide violet eyes that stared into Seimei's own threatening to break his resolve. "It's kinda scaring me."

"I'm fine, Ritsuka," Seimei squeezed the small boy lightly, making him yelp. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

But as he held his brother in his arms, the truth of the things he was soon to achieve and the things he kept hidden from him rose to the surface and threatened to break him down on the chilly sidewalk that seemed lightyears away from the innocence of his past. "_How can I make the bad things go away if I'm going to cause them?"_

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**I'll try to update soon!**


	23. Breathless Rhythm

**Disclaimer: WEENIE!**

**Sorry it took so long to update! I've been working like mad on my novels and I got a new job, so wooo! But hopefully, this chapter will make up for such a long absence :wiggles eyebrows:**

**HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY, SOUBI!**

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Soubi moved slowly, with the fluid grace of before the incident. Though he was still a bit shaky and still felt occasional reverberations from what had happened, his body was mostly healed. He knew Kio would still be angry with him for getting out of bed, but as far as he was concerned it had been more than long enough.

As his feet his the cool wood of the floor, a sense of relief filled him. After so many long days of feeling like a cripple, to finally feel his strength fill him and feel the wood beneath his feet as he walked across the bedroom area and out into the kitchen was satisfying beyond all reason. As a slight smile, tugged at his lips, he moved to the countertop and dug out his teapot. He was in such high spirits that he leaned against the frame of the sliding glass door as he waited for the water to boil and watched the sunset.

The air was cold, and the reds and oranges of the fading light were fiery against the remaining bright leaves that still clung to mostly-bare tree branches. As he stood and let the rather bitter breeze sift through his hair, he felt a pang of something strange in his chest; a feeling that something, somehow, was not quite right. His eyes stared into the horizon, squinting at the strange feeling echoing through his heart. What could possibly be wrong? What in the world was causing this strange, wary ache?

A loud whistle issued from the teapot behind him, and he tore himself out of his thoughts, moving over and pulling it from the burner carefully. He glanced over his shoulder once more into the fading colors of the sunset, his uneasiness still pronounced and but slowly ebbing.

"Sou-chan! You're out of bed!"

Soubi jumped several feet into the air. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't even heard Kio let himself in, and his sudden presence was slightly unnerving. He gained his bearings, however, and gave his friend a light smile.

"Yes, I feel much better today. I think I've been bed-ridden for about long enough, don't you?" he said slightly teasingly.

"I guess you're right. I'm sorry I was so insufferable the whole time. I was just…so worried that you weren't going to be okay that I guess I went a little overboard with it," Kio rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, and Soubi smiled.

"It's fine. I'm actually very touched that you were worried about me," Soubi turned to the teapot and concentrated on filling a tea ball with a small handful of jasmine tea before dropping it into the boiling water inside the pot. "I was just making tea. Do you want some, Kio?"

"Oh, sure. Thanks, Sou-chan," Kio replied, taking a seat at the table and watching Soubi get out two teacups before joining him.

"Okay, it should be brewed in a few minutes," Soubi rested his elbow on the table and allowed his chin to fall into his hand, staring absentmindedly across the table at his friend. Kio shot him a smile and pulled a strawberry lollipop out of the pocket of his jacket, popping it into his mouth. He offered one to Soubi, who declined.

"I was a little scared you were going to die for a while there," Kio confessed softly, avoiding Soubi's eyes and licking gingerly at his lollipop. "I'm really glad you're feeling better, Sou-chan. I don't know what I'd do without you, actually… I really don't know what I'd do."

Soubi stared across the table at him, slightly fascinated. His ability to put strong emotion into words was one what he had always envied, and now he could see from the things Kio had told him that there was much he didn't understand about the blonde teenager who sat across from him, an entire hidden world behind those soft silver eyes. Kio was a mystery in his own bubbly, vivacious way, and Soubi knew it. Each person was their own mystery, and Kio's was less painful and more affable than others. There was something about him that Soubi could not place, but had never understood. He leaned slightly across the table, finding Kio's eyes.

"Kio?"

"Hmm? What is it, Sou-chan?" Kio licked delicately at the red sphere of his lollipop and returned his gaze.

"Why do you stay?"

"What?"

"Why do you stay by my side, even though I don't deserve it? Why do you keep coming back, no matter what I do or say, no matter how thoughtless I am?" Soubi had never wanted to know the answer to this question before, but suddenly knowing it seemed important, and he waited patiently for Kio to reply.

Kio's eyes drifted slowly out the window, and Soubi could tell his was tracing the shapes of the houses as they faded into silhouettes in the darkness. Finally, he turned slowly back to Soubi, openness flashing softly in his eyes. "It's because I'm in love with you," he answered candidly.

Soubi never knew how to react when Kio brought up these feelings, and as usual he sat and stared at him, quiet but not judging. Just curious, to see if Kio would say anything more. He was more quiet and reasonable than when he had confessed to Soubi last time, and the memory of his desperation and anger filled Soubi with worry. He was afraid Kio would be angry again, would be hurt again. He couldn't bear the thought.

However, Kio showed no signs of being either angry or worried. Instead, he stared at Soubi for a moment with a determined expression, his soft blonde ears twitching as he appeared to be contemplating something enormous. Then slowly he reached across the table and placed a shaky hand on the back of Soubi's neck. Soubi could feel the slight pressure as Kio pulled his torso forward and then found Soubi's lips with his, kissing him in a way that was more determined than ever before.

Soubi's eyes widened as Kio's lips caressed him tenderly, warm and soft and sweet. He almost decided to pull away, but Kio held him there, running a heartbreakingly gentle hand across his cheek, stroking the ridge of his cheekbone, his jaw line, his hair. Soubi trembled and could feel himself beginning to crumble under the tenderness of the touch and the kiss. There was something almost painful about being touched so gently in a way that made Soubi wonder if Kio thought he was going to break. There was a sense that he didn't deserve it, a feeling that he was not worthy.

"Kio, you shouldn't…" he whispered helplessly against his friend's smooth lips.

"Just let me love you for a while, Sou-chan…" Kio pressed small, fluttering kisses on his lips. "Just let me show you there's more to life than Seimei. Let me do this… please," Kio looked into his eyes fiercely. "Please…" their eyes locked, and Soubi felt a wrench of pity, of guilt, and of compliance.

"Alright," he whispered, not willing to allow himself to disappoint his friend further than he already had. This moment was fragile, and to break it would be unforgivable, something he would never be able to live with. So he allowed Kio to remove their glasses and he allowed him to resume the gentle kiss. He closed his eyes and let Kio stroke his face, his hair.

"Sou-chan," Kio whispered softly, breaking the kiss and moving over across the table and pulling him to his feet so he could take him into his arms. Soubi trembled beneath his lips, unable to stop the guilt at the situation, at how this should not be _happening_. He did not return Kio's feelings, and doing this was only leading him on. It would only lead to more hurt for him, more suffering, more disappointment. Soubi knew he was an endless source of disappointment for Kio, letting him down and hurting him and proving himself unworthy of his friendship over and over again. And yet, Kio stayed. That was the fact that made it alright for Soubi to allow his. _"Kio deserves to have what he wants,"_ he thought as he felt Kio tangle his hands in his hair. _"But he deserves much better than me…"_

Thought was chased from Soubi's mind as he felt Kio's tongue brush over his lips, still just as gentle, just as reassuring. He trembled a bit harder as he parted his lips slightly and allowed Kio's tongue to pass into his mouth, exploring it softly. This was starting to feel less like an obligation and more like something tantalizing as it progressed.

Kio nipped gently at his lip and brushed their tongues together, and Soubi actually _moaned_. Encouraged, Kio slipped his hands under Soubi's shirt and raked his fingertips across his bare skin. He stroked his ribs, his shoulder blades, and the scars left behind by years of whippings at the hands of Ritsu. Soubi shuddered and tried not to lost control. Those hands found his nipple and jerked it, and he whimpered at the unexpected sensation. He was becoming aroused, and he could do little to stop the soft sound that grew in this throat as Kio rubbed his hips and then progressed lower, touching him _there_ through his pants and then rubbing lightly.

"Kio…" he whimpered. Kio threaded his fingers through his hair once more and pulled their bodies together tightly, pressing every angle together. The kisses were becoming frantic now, breathless, a messy affair of tongues and teeth and wet, slick lips as they struggled to keep breathing. Soubi could feel Kio's warmth pressing against him at every curve, molded together and starting to grow damp with each other's sweat.

Still kissing him, Kio managed to maneuver Soubi over to the bed and push him into it. He crawled on top of him, looking far more sultry than he had ever seen. Soubi shivered and watched him fumble with the buttons of their shirts, desperate for the hot, slick touch of skin against skin. Finally, as the soft material fell away, they fell into the kiss once more, newly exposed skin colliding and making them shudder. Kio pulled away far too quickly, undoing the clasp on Soubi's jeans and sliding them slowly down his legs. Soubi lifted his hips to make it easier, and the shock of cold air as Kio removed his briefs as well was brisk. He quickly reached for the button on Kio's jeans and slid them off with great care. Kio was shaking slightly in anticipation, and when they were both completely naked there was a long, breathless pause.

"Sou-chan…" Kio whispered, his voice slightly in awe. "You're so beautiful."

Soubi smiled, knowing full well that he wasn't. He was far too worn and beaten and scarred to be beautiful. His smooth skin had seen more than its fair share of battles and pain, and even though he was not as scarred as he should have been from so many wounds, he had been through too much. He had lost too much of his innocence to be beautiful. But the sincerity in Kio's eyes as he said it was enough that he nearly believed him for a moment.

Kio fell to kissing him once more, coming to lie on top of him and meshing their naked bodies together. Kio's skin was warm and soft, too silky to feel like it belonged touching his own, and he kissed him with such intensity that Soubi was soon out of breath, touching every bit of Kio that he could reach. The soft fur of Kio's tail tickled Soubi gently as the other boy kissed Soubi's neck, sucking softly at the exposed flesh and bringing the blood to the surface. He bit at Soubi's collarbones, his hips, his inner thighs.

Soubi was breathless, squirming in an undignified manner as Kio continued to inflict the sweet torture on his body. His tongue moved with an agonizing slowness, laving a wet path across the soft flesh of Soubi's inner thighs and then back up his chest to engage Soubi in another kiss. Soubi lapped at Kio's tongue, surprised at how lost he was getting in all of this. He broke away and nibbled at Kio's nipple, smiling as Kio began to squirm the same way he had previously.

"Sou-chan," Kio moaned as Soubi kissed him deeply and then bit down on the place where his neck met his shoulder. "Will you…" he moaned softly. "Now?"

Soubi pulled back, meeting his friend's eyes and searching for signs of uncertainty in the pure silver depths. "Are you sure, Kio? Are you positive this is the way you want this to happen? Are you sure this is how you want to remember losing your ears?"

"_Yes_," Kio said so forcefully that Soubi actually blushed. "I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you, but I want this. I've always wanted this, more than you could ever know…" Kio's eyes were slightly clouded over with lust in a way that was strangely appealing. "So please… take me now."

"What about your mother? She's going to find out you kn--" Soubi was cut off as Kio slid his hand between his legs.

"I don't care," he whispered breathlessly with conviction, resting his forehead against Soubi's, their sweat mingling and their chests pressing together as they breathed heavily in unison. "I said I wanted you to let me love you, remember?" he spread his legs delicately. "And I meant every word."

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**Welly welly well then (XD)! I'll try to update soon! **

**And for those of you that care, I've recently become rather enamored with Ayame Sohma. Even more infidelity! XDDD Soubi and Tamaki will be heartbroken. **


	24. Worthless

**Disclaimer: I disclaim.**

**Sorry it took so long to update this, guys :'D Blame my sudden addiction to Wonderland Online MMORG (my username is Harimi and my character is Hariko if anyone wants to be friends on there XD) :dies: BUT, this chapter is actually pretty important, so huzzah! The storm begins!**

**By the way, who else has read chapter 11 of volume 9? I did a while ago, and I completely adore Yuri-sama of Bloodless. He's so cool! XD I even made my avatar him, I like him so much. I thought he was a girl for so long…**

**Well anyway, enjoy! 8D**

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When the throbbing pain in his neck woke him, Soubi couldn't help but think for a moment that perhaps this was all a dream. Kio lay beside him, still and asleep, a handful of blankets curled in his fist. Soubi was stricken for a moment by the fact that Kio, who had done everything for Soubi and gotten nothing in return, had wanted to lose his ears to _him_ of all people. It was almost eerie, though not as eerie as it was to see those faint marks on Kio's smooth, bare skin, and know he had caused them. Kio's ears were still in the moment, though they twitched listlessly, beginning to lose their usual vigor.

The Name on his neck filled with another dull flash of pain, and Soubi's hand flew unconsciously to it, massaging the tender skin with his fingertips. "Seimei…" he muttered. He sat still for a moment, holding his hand over his throbbing scars, and sighed when the pain did not subside. He stroked at the painful marks, but they refused to be soothed, as though stabbed repeatedly by some outside force. As he glanced out the window he couldn't help but wonder if Seimei was doing something to cause this. If maybe he was in some kind of trouble…

Soubi glanced at Kio and then stood slowly, making his way over to the window, the cool air of the room feeling like small slaps against his naked body. He stared out into the shadowed world beyond the glass, where trees looked like huge, hulking monsters and where the smallest shadow called to mind childhood fears. "Seimei…" he whispered again, watching the smooth glass cloud under the heat of the breath expelled by speaking the single word.

The pain flashed through his head without any warning, and Soubi uttered a small gasp as he rested his forehead against the cool glass, trying to gain his bearings. The pain in his neck intensified as that in his head throbbed tediously on, and his vision failed, replaced instead by flashing images whose source he could not even begin to imagine. In bleary flickers he saw the nearby park, foreboding as Seimei's face loomed in shadow. And then there was blood that seemed to fill his entire world, obscuring all else.

As these visions released him, Soubi jolted madly, terror filling him like hot liquid. He rushed over to the bed, struggling into his clothes as quickly as he could. His coat rested on the chair, and he grabbed it, though not before taking a quick glance at his sleeping friend.

"I'm sorry, Kio," he whispered before slipping into his shoes and making his way quickly out of the house, spurred on by the thought that Seimei was in trouble, and every second he wasted away from him could prove to be a second too late.

**XXX**

Smirking wordlessly, Seimei directed his eyes to the cold night sky, where the canvas of billions of stars shone above him, the sole witnesses to this little encounter which would drastically shape the future of everything for him. Here in this small clearing in the trees in the darkness of the park, things would change. This was what he had been waiting for since he had made the decision to set Soubi free.

"What did you want to see me for, Seimei-san?"

Seimei directed his eyes toward the solemn figure who stood before him, loose strands of his deep blue hair hanging into his eyes. "Sagan Naimei," he said in what he hoped was a neutral tone, surveying the blank Sacrifice before him with a mixture of disdain and curiosity. "You're the blank Sacrifice assigned to Akame Nisei, is that correct?" but of course it was correct. After all Seimei's questioning and research and snooping where he shouldn't. There was no question.

"Yes…" Naimei's eyes slowly raised to meet Seimei's, slightly uncertain. Seimei had to hold back a rather unpleasant smile at the confusion in those pale eyes. "But… how could you have known about it? No one outside of the Seven Moons knows I'm a Blank. Where did you obtain that information?"

"That's not important," Seimei took a step forward, staring daggers into the pale blue of his adversary's eyes. "What is important that Nisei is _my_ Sentouki, and it rather displeases me that you think you have the right to use him."

"I was paired with him at the Seven Moons, just as you were paired with Agatsuma," Naimei no longer looked confused, just slightly incensed. "If it's fine for you two, what should be the problem with Nameless continuing fighting?"

"It's a problem because Nisei was _told_ that his true Sacrifice was still out there. I was under the impression that I didn't have one until recently," Seimei said, his lips curving up in a bitter smile. "And now that I know the entire truth, I want my Sentouki back, and you're hardly in any place to stop me."

"It doesn't matter to me that he is Beloved," Naimei said with conviction, attempting to stare Seimei down. "I refuse to give him up until I absolutely have to. For the moment, he is my Sentouki, and no one without the authority to do so is going to separate us."

"You love him, don't you?" Seimei said with some disgust, turning his eyes away. He couldn't even stand to look at this disgusting, pitiful creature that stood before him as though he had some right to be with Nisei when he was so obviously so very, very inadequate. "That is disgusting. A Sentouki is a tool, a machine to be used for battle, not something you're supposed to _love_," he could not even bring himself to look at this abomination.

"Think whatever you wish," Naimei said coldly, and Seimei was furious at the dismissive way he said it. "I don't much care what you think of us. True, you may be his true Master, but I don't think it matters. I don't believe a Name should determine our fates, and I'll do everything I can to stop that from being so."

"You disgust me," Seimei told him, glaring coldly into his eyes and refusing to back down. "To go against the bond of a Name is completely disgusting," making sure to keep Naimei's eyes on him, Seimei reached slowly into his pocket, curling his fingers around the thing object and drawing it out as he steeled himself for the bitter, but necessary, future. "I can't allow you to keep my Sentouki, and I can't allow you to continue on the way you have been. I can't… allow it."

The sharp blade of the small knife in Seimei's hand slid into Naimei's stomach like butter. The Blank's eyes widened, and he gasped softly as Seimei rotated the knife, causing more damage and bring forth a larger stream of dark blood that steamed in the cold night air. He twisted it again, stepping back a bit to get as little blood on himself as possible. Though this was a disgusting, messy process, it was something that was absolutely necessary, and Seimei could not allow himself to look back.

With one swift kick, Seimei knocked the Blank's legs out from under him and he fell to the ground, still stunned from the sudden display of violence. Seimei knelt beside him, drawing the knife from his flesh and them stabbing it in again in another place. The blood was already welling impossibly fast, and though Naimei reached his hands up to stop Seimei, he was weakening fast, and Seimei pushed his hands away easily. He lifted his knife and stabbed it neatly into the tendons and muscle between the joints in each of the Blank's shoulders, immobilizing his arms, and then moved to sit on his legs. He had rendered the older man helpless with only a few simple maneuvers. The contact with him was disgusting, but it was necessary to keep him immobile.

"You really are pathetic," Seimei told him as he sliced the other man's shirt down the front, exposing his flesh, and lowering the blade carefully to his abdomen. "Now, hold nice and still."

"Why are you… doing this?" Naimei asked him, glowering fiercely at him despite his current situation. Seimei almost smiled at this, and met his victims eyes slowly.

"For the simple fact that you do not deserve to live," Seimei replied coldly, staring without mercy into the pale eyes where life was fading fast. "Look down, if you can. I've given you a new, more fitting Name."

Naimei looked to the sky, refusing to comply, and Seimei sighed and went back to cutting into the stomach above his neat handiwork. A bit of blood splattered him, and he closed his eyes, repulsed. The warmth of this man's blood was utterly revolting, and he could feel his gag reflex beginning to go to work. He fought the urge to vomit and stuck the blade in again, twisting it once more and relishing the forced nonchalance of his victim's face. "I wish you wouldn't bleed so much…" he muttered.

"Seimei!" the voice behind him made him turn his head, and he watched as Soubi rushed into the small clearing, his rapidly growing hair fanning out behind him. He stopped short when the scene before his eyes fully processed. Seimei could see relief as he realized that his Master was not hurt, and the horror when he realized what was going on.

"Seimei, what are you doing?" Soubi asked, his voice shaking as he stared wide-eyed at the scene before him. He vaguely recognized the man beneath Seimei as the Sacrifice from one of he and Seimei's spell battles, and he watched in terror as those pale eyes locked with his, both angry and pleading. _Please help me_, he could almost hear them screaming. He was obviously very weak, and death could not be far off. Soubi could feel a stab of terror when he realized there was nothing he could do. Standing up to Seimei was… impossible.

"Working," Seimei said, turning back to Naimei and shoving the blade in once more. "You shouldn't be questioning me anyway, Soubi. It's not your place. Not your place at all."

"I'm sorry, Seimei," Soubi whispered, and found himself paralyzed, yet again, by his subservience to his Master. There were times when he despised himself for remaining silent, remaining still, when going against Seimei's word could make all the difference. Still, no matter what thoughts ran through his head, he was powerless, as useless to help as a doll was. He could do nothing but watch, and avert his eyes when he began to feel ill. At long last, the terrible sounds began to die away, and Soubi could feel Seimei step up beside him as the last dying gurgle faded into the night.

"Soubi," his voice sounded strange to Soubi's ears, and he turned slowly to meet his Sacrifice's cold dark eyes, watching him curiously as though waiting to see his reaction. "Move the body somwhere less visible."

It was an order, and Soubi nodded slightly, moving numbly over to the bloody corpse that Seimei had created. He knelt beside the body and lifted it with some effort. He grimaced as he felt the cooling blood soak into his shirt, and he tried to ignore Naimei's open glassy eyes, though he could swear he felt them watching him. It was a terrible feeling, being judged by a dead man.

A nearby clump of bushes proved to be a suitable hiding place, and Soubi carefully deposited the body between the thick evergreen junipers. He stepped back, a sick feeling in his stomach. The feeling intensified when his eyes fell on the bloody letters of a single word, carved into Naimei's stomach.

_W O R T H L E S S_.

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**I have chapter 25 mostly done, so it shouldn't be so long before I update this time XDD And by the way, if I were to start a manga, would any of you guys want to read it? :3**


	25. Strike

**Disclaimer: Yes.**

**Woo, an update XD hopefully things will begin to move along now that such a big milestone has been passed. By the way, do you guys think that after the story catches up the current state of things, should it pick up where the anime left off, or keep following the manga?**

**And on a more random note, have any of you read Marriane Curley's "Guardians of Time" trilogy? I'm reading it for the first time in a few years, and it's even better than I remember. Ahg, I love Arkarian!**

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Time seemed to make noise as it slid by, though for Soubi there was no knowledge of time. The last he saw of Seimei was when he told him to dispose of the body, and when he turned upon finishing his task, he was alone in the park. Encased in the darkness broken only by the coldness of those innumerable stars, he moved toward home shaken, barely breathing and barely human. He watched the clouds of smoky breath as they rose up before him like smoke above a forest fire.

He did not recall the walk being this long before, and as he trudged toward home he could think of nothing but the sight of those cold, dead eyes at stared up at him, still open. It was a haunting image that he could not banish from his memory, and it hovered there behind his vision like an omen of things to come. He was barely conscious of the cold wind biting at his cheeks, so bitter were his thoughts.

"This can't end well…" he muttered, shivering at the thought that Seimei-- _his_ Seimei-- had committed murder, and with that knowledge came the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same again. "What were you thinking, Seimei?"

Trying to keep his mind away from these terrible thoughts, Soubi looked down and watched the sidewalk, remembering how those months ago it had been decorated with dark spatters of his own blood that he had followed home like Hansel and Gretel's bread crumbs. Seimei had brought forth that blood, and it was eerie to Soubi to think that he always associated blood with Seimei. The two were one and the same; displeasing Seimei meant he was going to bleed, and if he was bleeding, he had done something to displease Seimei. The blood that had poured from Naimei's wounds was, of course, an indication that he had done something to make Seimei very angry. He could not even begin to fathom what it could have been, however.

Home loomed before him, and Soubi reached gratefully for the knob, stumbling into the warmth of his modest house. The door closed behind him, blocking out the wind, and he slumped against it, breathing heavily. The house was silent, and he caught sight of Kio still sleeping in his bed, completely unaware of the terrible situation at hand. His ears were gone now, and the top of his head looked strangely bare without them. Soubi felt the sudden urge to crawl into bed with Kio and hide under the blankets as he had when he was a child, when he had believed nothing could get him if he did so.

"Pull yourself together, Soubi," he muttered as he walked past the mirror hanging on the living room wall and caught sight of his pale face, a smudge of blood on his cheek. There was also blood on his shirt, and he quickly slipped out of his unbuttoned jacket to avoid getting any on it.

"Sou-chan?" a groggy voice from behind him whispered, and he turned to see Kio sitting up in his bed, watching him through half-lidded eyes. For a moment Soubi barely recognized him without that pair of pale blonde ears on top of his head, but he shook off the feeling and looked steadily at his friend. He watched as Kio's wide eyes grew even wider. Kio slipped quickly out of bed, and Soubi could see the goosebumps break out over his bare skin as he moved across the hardwood floor toward him. Alarm was plastered over his face, and he moved toward his friend, not even seeming to notice he was naked. "You're covered in blood, Sou-chan! What happened? Are you okay?"

Soubi made an attempt to answer and quell his friend's fears, but when he opened his mouth nothing came out. Kio reached out to grip his shoulder, and in those eyes Soubi saw fear, raw and immeasurable. He nodded slowly, but Kio's face remained frantic, and he was clearly beginning to panic.

"Are you hurt, Sou-chan?" he reached out his hands and ran them down the front of Soubi's blood-soaked shirt, searching for injuries beneath the fabric. Soubi could only stand frozen for a moment, and then finally reached up and carefully pried Kio's hands from him, regaining his bearings. He couldn't afford to fall apart, not now.

"I'm not hurt, Kio. I'm fine. This isn't my blood…" a small shudder ran through his body as the words passed his lips. Confusion overtook Kio's features, though there was relief mixed in. Slowly, Soubi turned toward the window and allowed his eyes to scan the jeweled stars. Slowly as he replayed the evening's events over in his head, a sense of heavy terror began to fill him. He could feel darkness looming ahead once more, blocking out everything else in its path.

What had Seimei done?

**XXX**

"Ritsu!"

With a labored sigh, Minami Ritsu looked up from the butterfly he was drawing from a jar. The rubbing alcohol had taken affect, and the little creature was lifeless now, its fragile wings still and no longer fluttering. He placed his work on the table so she wouldn't knock it out of his hands and directed his attention to the blue-haired woman in front of him, who looked stressed beyond measure.

"Yes, what is it?" he asked with little interest, flicking back a lock of silver hair and adjusting his glasses. He didn't have time for her theatrics at the moment, and he was more displeased than he could even show at her interrupting him in the middle of such a delicate process.

"It's all your fault!" Nagisa said, pointing a finger at him. She was dressed, as usual, in an outfit that made her look like some bizarre fairy than a teacher. Ritsu sighed and looked down at his table, making a mental note to lock the door next time. Nagisa always seemed to have this effect on him, both irritating and amusing him at once.

"What's my fault, if I may ask?"

"You told Aoyagi Seimei about how you paired _my_ Naimei with Akame Nisei, and now… he's dead!"

Ritsu was alarmed, and looked up at her quickly to make sure she was sincere. She looked far too wounded and angry for this to be some kind of misguided attempt to make him feel guilty for no reason. Her eyes were slightly red, though she would not allow any other clue that she had been crying to show. Her pride was almost as heavy as his own, something they were both very aware of. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!" she looked close to hysterics, and Ritsu would have given anything not to be in this situation right now. He strongly wished that he had chosen to install the trap door he'd been thinking about. "I didn't get an answer from him on his phone, so I used the locating device that was planted in him--"

"--by you…"

"And when I found him he was lying in a clump of bushes… dead! There was blood everywhere! He'd been stabbed multiple times and… the word WORTHLESS was carved into his stomach."

"And so you think this was done by Aoyagi Seimei?" Ritsu asked, removing his glasses and rubbing at the sore spot on the bridge of his nose that they had created. The tension was coiling into the pit of his stomach as he slowly acknowledged, somewhere deep down inside where Nagisa couldn't see, that this was his own fault.

"Of _course_ it was Seimei!" Nagisa, though she still seemed distraught, looked almost irritated, as though it was obvious. "He wouldn't have done this unless he_ wanted_ someone to know it was him, right?"

Ritsu sighed and replaced his glasses, reaching down and picking up the delicate dead butterfly. "Aoyagi Seimei gives those around him the Name he sees fit. He wanted to see Soubi-kun as his own Fighter, so he carved BELOVED into his neck. It was his way of giving him the Name and claiming him as his own. But with Naimei, it seems he wanted it to be made clear that WORTHLESS was the only Name he saw fit."

"And why would he do this? What motivation could he possibly have had for killing my Naimei?" Nagisa was flying into hysterics again, tears welling in her eyes, though she tried desperately to push them away. She didn't look like a doll at the moment; she looked like a fraught old woman. Ritsu felt himself almost feeling sorry for her, knowing the deep affection she held for most of her students.

"It's because Naimei was paired with Akame Nisei, and Akame is Aoyagi's true Fighter. It seems Aoyagi is trying to right the order of things," Ritsu stared intently at the butterfly in his hand, taking in the frailty of its deep blue wings, no longer able to flap when bound by the shackles of death, the fate that had been forced onto it that it had no hope of changing. "I'm curious, Soubi-kun. What are you going to do now?"

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**Hopefully I'll update soon :3**

**Also, yay! This story has officially passed the 50,000 word mark! WOOOOO!**


	26. S a i k e t s u

**Disclaimer: I disclaim.**

**Woo, finally an update! :sweatdrop: Finally things are moving again. Sorry about the lack of updates. I'm officially one-fifth finished with my political vampire novel, which accounts for what I've been doing rather than updating this story.**

**So anyway, I've gotten really into writing for Ouran Host Club, so I've had trouble not typing "Kyouya" instead of "Kouya" XD**

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In the cold glass of the mirror, Kouya's face looked unnaturally pale and sickly thin. She stared at it closely for a moment and then lifted her hand, picking at a spot on her cheek. Maybe if she could just see underneath that top layer of skin to the blood and muscle and bone beneath, she would know what made her tick, what helped her exist, and then this strange sense of fear and guilt would ebb.

Ever since that first spell battle with Beloved, things had changed considerably. She was sure Yamato hadn't noticed; Yamato had never been the most perceptive person she knew. Kouya, however, could feel it with every breath, with every step she took. It was almost as though she now carried a giant burnt cross slung across her back, her own personal burden to bear. Even with no crown of thorns she felt as though she was always walking toward certain doom, as though around the next corner lay whatever would help karma take its course. She had almost killed Agatsuma Soubi in that battle. For all she knew, she _had_ killed him; she and Yamato had no way of contacting him, no way of making peace.

"Look what you've done," she whispered into the glass, her voice a cold, weary hiss. "Do you really think it's okay to go about your everyday life when for all you know Agatsuma Soubi could be _dead_?" she picked a bit harder at her skin, still staring intently at that flesh.

The view of her face disappeared for a moment as she opened the mirrored door of the medicine cabinet and fumbled around for a pair of scissors, her fingers finally closing around the cold metal of the handles. When her face came back into view, she took the scissors to her long, wavy black hair.

It fell in silky smooth tendrils down, down, infinitely down, to rest on the edges of the sink, the floor, her toes. There was something perfect and exhilarating about the action, and she grew breathless with obsession as she cut and snipped her a kind of mindless concentration. She attacked the long, perfect locks until they were nearly gone, chopped almost everywhere to her chin, a jagged fringe that looked like ferocious teeth at the edges. Frantically, she grabbed at loose pieces still clinging to her head and threw them to join the rest in their battleground.

Still out of breath, Kouya stared blankly for a moment at what she had done before reaching down and calmly turning on the water in the shower. She slipped out of her clothes and under the warm stream of water, the scissors still clutched in her fist. _Guilt, guilt, guilt_, they whispered, and as hard as she tried to close her ears to them, the sound was deafening.

"Am I going crazy?" she whispered, leaning against the wall of the shower and staring blankly at the flesh of her arm. Kouya was a sensible girl. It usually took something far more than guilt to erase her normalcy. "It was our first battle. We're bound to make mistakes!" With a loud sigh, Kouya stared down at the scissors still held tightly by her shaking hands. Was she even human anymore? She had possibly taken a life, and that in itself had the potential to make her a monster. It was as if she did not know herself at all anymore, which brought her back to the blood she could still feel pulsing past beneath the flesh. Would it still seep out if the skin was broken? Would she still bleed like a normal person?

Slowly, the scissors pressed against the inner curve of her left elbow and pushed down, puncturing the flesh. It was with a kind of detachment that Kouya dragged those twin blades down her forearm, not stopping until she had nearly reached her wrist. She had enough sense to stop there; she had no desire to die at this moment. The wound was deep, an endless trench in the pale flesh, and she could feel her frantic breathing starting to slow at the sight of the blood that dribbled out and made a fast red trail down her arm. She was still normal beneath that skin. She was still human. The wound didn't hurt, which was both a blessing and a curse. As a Zero, it became increasingly harder to remind herself that she was alive at times like these. For now, however, she was safe, cushioned by the warm feeling of her own blood.

For a few moments there was thick silence, and then the sound of the bedroom's door shutting startled her out of her concentration. As those frantic moments began to melt away into the past at that everyday sound, Kouya flew into a panic.

"Kouya, I'm back! I brought dinner! Where are you?" Yamato's cheerful voice cut into her silence. Desperation set in fully, and as the full reality of what Kouya had done finally began to set in, she clenched her teeth. How could she have been so stupid?

"Kouya, are you in the shower?" Yamato's voice asked, sounding as though it was very far away. For a moment, Kouya hoped that if she was silent, Yamato wouldn't be able to find her, but as the bathroom door creaked open, pure terror filled her stomach. What was Yamato going to think when she saw what Kouya had done? Would she feel sadness? Anger? Disgust?

"Kouya, what are you doing?" Yamato asked.

"Taking a shower, of course," the Sentouki croaked softly, cramming the scissors quickly behind the large bottle of shampoo, out of sight. There was little she could do about the cut, which was deep and still bleeding freely. She moved it under the warm flow of water, but as the blood was washed away, more accumulated in its place. The flow seemed endless, and Kouya did her best not to go to pieces. There was really nothing she could do to hide the wound, especially not when Yamato was so close. She steeled herself for the oncoming storm.

"Can I come in with you?" Yamato asked rather deviously, and Kouya could see her ears twitch playfully through the partially transparent shower curtain.

"N--no! I mean… it's cramped. I'll hurry up and you can have a shower, too! You can wait in the bedroom!" Kouya was desperate to put some space between herself and Yamato until she had the situation figured out, and she didn't care if she sounded frantic. She was so intent on not letting Yamato catch sight of the cut she had given herself that at the moment, she would have given anything to change the course of the evening.

"I took a shower this morning," Yamato replied, and her voice was laden with suggestion. Had it not been for the dire situation at hand, Kouya would have blushed fiercely. "I just want to take one with _you_."

"There's no room in here!" Kouya protested, squeezing the fingers of her right hand around her left forearm, concealing as much of the cut as she could. Blood dribbled out through her fingers, and she bit her lip. "Just wait. I'll be out in a minute and we can eat, okay? Feel free to start without me."

"Okay," Yamato laughed softly, and Kouya could feel relief seep through her as Yamato's figure disappeared and the bathroom door creaked shut. Kouya was always reluctant about taking the next step with Yamato, so there was no reason it should seem strange that she was apprehensive about showering together. If she could just find some way to conceal her wound before Yamato caught sight of it, everything would work out for the time being.

Kouya looked around frantically, opening the shower curtain a bit so she could peer out. A thousand unwelcome solutions to the problem floated through her head at once, and she sighed. The bleeding seemed, if possible, to be getting worse. The first aid kit was still in the bedroom from Yamato's encounter with a rather nasty splinter earlier in the week, and at the moment, Kouya was utterly helpless. It was only when everything began to dissolve around her that she realized the true gravity of the situation.

The ground seemed to come up to meet her, and the loud thud as she hit it seemed distant, somehow. The last thing Kouya was aware of before losing consciousness was the sight of Yamato hovering over her, her bare toes stained with Kouya's blood as she opened her mouth and screamed.

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**I'll try to update sooner this time :fails: And we'll catch up with Soubi and Seimei soon.**


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